I don't know what to do. Advice would be nice

Ask a Therapist Seeking Help
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I think I might be autistic. I first learnt about it when I saw posts about autism awareness on social media. I related to a few of them so I decided to do my own research. I did online autism quizzes (which I scored quite high on them), read some books and articles and watched videos on autistic people sharing about their experiences. I’ve always felt different since young so relating to people’s experiences and struggles was really eye opening because I was never able to put my struggles in words and often didn’t even understand what was going on. I spent my entire life observing and copying other people, and I thought this was normal. I could never understand how my peers seemed to click so easily.

I’m worried if I’m overthinking this. That I can’t possibly be autistic or that my struggles aren’t big enough. My struggles are often not visible because I pretend to be fine and copy others to fit in. I’ve been considering if I should seek a professional’s perspective on this but I’m not sure. I’m high functioning and high masking so it can be hard to tell from a look. I also get really anxious talking to new people so I’m worried I might not be able to do it. I’ve never seen a counsellor or been to therapy before.

I also think I might have anxiety. I’m not sure because it’s often portrayed like it has to be really bad. I used to be very anxious and on high alert constantly a few years ago, and I couldn’t speak to my classmates and teachers. Everyday of school was exhausting and I often got scolded or get disappointed looks from others when I couldn’t speak up in class. People just thought I was really shy, and I thought so too. But when I observed my peers, the shy ones had no problems making friends or talking to others after a few days of warming up. I was never able to warm up to others even after being classmates for two years. I worked really hard on it and now I can sort of speak to others. It’s still a struggle but I usually can get myself to talk. Some days talking is very hard, and I still struggle (and often fail) to speak up when called in class.

I do worry a lot and overthink things often that I can spiral in my thoughts if I don’t control them. But it’s not as bad as before that I would struggle to go to school (but I think it’s because I’m fine as long as I don’t need to socialise or speak up). I see my peers hanging out with friends but I avoid socialising as much as possible. Socialising is hard and also drains my energy. Is this normal?

Recently I’ve been having days where I would suddenly feel down and hopeless. I tried searching about it and it’s apparently due to emotional exhaustion from bottling up my feelings all the time. It’s confusing because I often don’t know what I’m feeling even when I feel it so strongly. It’s on days like this that I think seeking help might be useful.

I’ve tried telling my parents about my experiences but they don’t understand. They either ignore it or tell me to not overthink so much. When I tell them it doesn’t work that way, they get upset and say “why ask me if you’re not going to accept my advice?” So I don’t tell them anymore because they don’t listen.

I don’t know what to do. I want to tell someone but it’s hard since I’m always misunderstood or unheard. My family isn’t an option and I don’t have friends. I’ve been considering seeing the school counsellor but it’s hard. I can’t stay back after school without my parents questioning, but when I do have free time in school, the counsellor is always not available. I don’t think I’ll be able to share my thoughts with someone I’m not close to either because speaking can get really difficult sometimes. It’ll be easier if I could do it through text anonymously and I’ve tried one before, but the person didn’t seem experienced as the advice was shallow. There aren’t many free help options online that I can remain anonymous that are actually good. I’ve been relying on ChatGPT but it would be nice to get a professional’s perspective on this. I’d also like to get evaluated if possible or at least get some insights on my experiences, but I can’t do that without my parents knowing. And I’m also worried the professional might just push it aside because I look and can function ‘normally’.

I want to seek help, but it’s difficult. Should I even try? Do I need the help? I’ve been able to pull through and get back up after tough times by myself, so I think I could continue to do it for a few more years before I fully give up or am too exhausted. I don’t know if I should wait till I’m an adult to get help because it might be easier if I don’t need my parent’s assistance to do so. Any advice on what I should do?

Sorry for the long text, but thank you for reading this.

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Hey @anonymouslee. Thank you for being so honest and open in sharing all of this. It takes a lot of courage to name things you’ve been carrying quietly for so long, and you did it so clearly and thoughtfully. That in itself says a lot about your self-awareness and strength.

What you described, the masking, the emotional exhaustion, the social difficulties, and the way anxiety shows up… these are real things. You are not exaggerating. You’re exploring, and trying to understand your experience better. That’s not overthinking, that’s growth.

It makes complete sense why you’re hesitant to reach out, especially when you’re used to being misunderstood or dismissed. But maybe support isn’t about fixing everything overnight, maybe it’s about being seen and heard in a way you haven’t been before.

If you’re thinking about seeking help, I’d gently say this: You don’t need to wait until you “break” or burn out to be worthy of support. You already are worthy. And you don’t need to have all the answers before reaching out. Sometimes support helps you find the answers.

Professional help isn’t about having a label, it’s about having someone walk alongside you while you figure things out. Whether it’s anxiety, autism, or just needing help being understood… you don’t need to carry this alone.

If it helps, maybe write out your thoughts the way you did in this post and show that to a trusted adult or counsellor. You’ve already done the hardest part which is that you’ve made it visible here.

You’ve already made it through so much on your own. Imagine what’s possible with just a bit of the right support. You don’t have to rush, but you don’t have to keep waiting either.

You’re not alone in this, okay? :sunflower:

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Dear @anonymouslee

Thank you for writing in and it’s perfectly ok that it is a long message. In fact I glad you reached out. I can sense that you have carried a lot on your own for a long time—and I want to begin by saying how strong and self-aware you are for even noticing and reflecting on your struggles the way you have. That takes courage.

Everything you shared—from feeling different your whole life, to masking, anxiety, and the exhaustion that comes with it—is deeply valid. These experiences aren’t “too small” or “not bad enough.” In fact, the very fact that they affect you this much is reason enough to seek support. You deserve to feel understood and not have to keep pretending everything is fine when it’s not.

It’s okay to have doubts about whether you’re overthinking or if you’re “really” struggling enough. That kind of self-doubt is common in those among us who mask their difficulties well. May I share that just because you’ve gotten by doesn’t mean you should have to keep surviving like this.

You’ve already done something really powerful—you’ve recognised that something’s not right, and you’re open to the idea of seeking help. This is wisdom.

I agree it’s scary to think about speaking to the school counsellor, especially if talking is hard for you or you’re worried about being misunderstood. But that’s exactly why they’re there: to support students like you through things that are hard to explain. You don’t have to have all the right words. You don’t have to speak perfectly. You can write down how you feel—even sending a note or email with what you’ve already written here could be a great place to start.

You also mentioned that your parents may not understand or support this right now—and that’s hard. But seeking help for yourself doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong. It means you’re choosing to care for yourself in a way that others might not yet understand.

So if there’s a quiet moment, even during school hours, maybe just take that first step: write a short message to your school counsellor. You could say:

“Hi, I’ve been having a hard time and I think I might need someone to talk to. It’s difficult for me to speak out loud, but I’d be more comfortable writing things down first. Could I set up a time to talk or send you something I’ve written? I prefer to meet you during school hours, so can I make an appointment with you?”

You don’t have to explain everything all at once. Just one small step is enough.

You deserve support that is without judgment, without needing to hide or mask. The school counsellor might just be the first person who can help you feel that.

And whatever happens—you’re not alone in this. There are people who understand. And the community here is here for you whenever you need someone to talk to.

You matter. Your experience matters. And your voice, however quiet or written, deserves to be heard. :yellow_heart:

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Visit a professional to get the most accurate diagnosis

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I have the same worries as you and have also done some research online but I guess the important thing is whether you want need a definitive answer (and the label that comes with it if you’re diagnosed). If it helps you to reconcile the behaviour that you have and understand how you do certain things then please go get a professional diagnosis. It’s really not advisable to self-diagnose.

I think it’s normal to have anxiety and also important to distinguish having anxiety vs having anxiety disorder. If it affects your day to day functioning then probably worth seeking professional support too. Back to your example, actually I don’t speak up in class too (like 99% of the time). I find it very hard and I have a lot of thoughts but it was hard to verbalise them or raise my hand (someone always beats me to it).

It sounds like you’re still young(ish). There are services for youths as well. Can find one that is near you here: mindline.sg | Free Mental Health Resources & Mindfulness Tools in Singapore. I’d suggest just trying to reach out first (with the mindset that you may not find the right professional at the first try, it’s after all a match-making thing. Need some luck too).

Hope this helps, let us know how it goes @anonymouslee. We’re rooting for you