i feel like the people around me aren’t really my friends. there are things that they do that really make me feel like they aren’t worth my efforts to maintain or build the friendship. it makes me want to cut them off. but if i do, i won’t have any friends which makes me feel lonely. and i dont feel motivated or have the energy to make new friends as i feel like it won’t be worth it. seeing people around me hanging out with others just makes me feel worse. i don’t really know why i feel this way and if it’s valid or not, and i don’t know how to think better. i don’t know what to do.
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Hi @penguin7, I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. It’s tough when you feel like the people around you aren’t true friends, and it can be incredibly draining to maintain relationships that don’t feel genuine. Your feelings are completely valid, and it’s important to acknowledge them. It’s understandable to feel lonely and unmotivated to make new friends when the connections you have don’t feel meaningful.
It’s important to remember that you deserve to have friendships that bring you joy and support. If you decide to distance yourself from those who don’t meet your needs, it might open up space for healthier and more fulfilling relationships in the future. Taking small steps towards self-care and seeking out activities or groups that align with your interests can help you gradually build new connections. Sometimes, finding just one person who shares your values and interests can make a big difference.
It’s okay to take your time and prioritize your well-being. You don’t have to rush into making new friends or feel pressured to maintain friendships that aren’t serving you. Remember to be kind to yourself during this process. Everyone’s journey to finding meaningful connections is different, and it’s okay to seek professional support to help navigate these feelings. You’re not alone, and there are people who genuinely want to be a part of your life in a positive way.
If you would like to know about the mental health resources which are available in the community, here’s the Service Wayfinder from mindline.sg: mindline.sg | Free Mental Health Resources & Mindfulness Tools in Singapore
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that sounds quite hurtful 
would you want to share what the things your friends are doing are that make you feel this way?
Hi @penguin7
Thank you for writing in. It’s understandable to question the value of relationships in your life, especially when I believe they’re not meeting your emotional needs.
Firstly, please acknowledge that your feelings are valid. It’s okay to feel uncertain or unhappy about the relationships in your life.
I believe the concerns you’ve shared are:
- Feeling like you don’t have genuine friends: It’s possible that you’re surrounding yourself with people who don’t share your values or interests. Reflect on what you want from friendships and whether your current relationships align with those expectations.
- Fear of loneliness: This is a common concern when considering distancing yourself from unsatisfying relationships. However, it’s essential to remember that being alone doesn’t necessarily mean being lonely. You can focus on nurturing relationships with yourself, engaging in hobbies, and exploring new interests.
- Lack of motivation to make new friends: This is understandable, especially if you’re feeling drained or uncertain about the value of new relationships. Start small by engaging in low-stakes social interactions, like joining online communities or attending events related to your interests.
- Comparing yourself to others: Try to avoid comparing your social life to others’. Focus on your own journey, and celebrate small wins, like having a meaningful conversation with someone or trying a new activity.
May I suggest the following which could help build more fulfilling relationships:
- Reflect on your values and interests: What matters most to you in friendships? What activities make you happy?
- Set boundaries: Learn to say “no” to relationships or interactions that drain your energy or make you feel bad about yourself.
- Explore new connections: Engage in activities or join groups that align with your interests. This can help you meet like-minded people and build more meaningful relationships.
- Practice self-care and self-compassion: Focus on nurturing your relationship with yourself. Engage in activities that bring you joy, practice mindfulness, and treat yourself with kindness.
- Seek support: Consider talking to a counsellor who can help you navigate these feelings and develop strategies for building more fulfilling relationships.
Remember, it’s okay to take your time and focus on yourself. You deserve to surround yourself with people who uplift and support you. 
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hello I’d love to share and see if it is just my way of thinking that has led me to these feelings.
i feel like the things they do may come off as something small to others, but the number of times it has happened on top of me thinking “i would do this for others” that makes me feel they aren’t worth my efforts. for example, going to class without me when we always go together and later saying things like “i forgot to text” or “i thought we werent going together because you didnt text me”. another example would be when a mutual friend (person A) was talking bad about me behind my back (which i later found out), i brought it up to my friend (person B). B then proceeded to laugh in my face and didn’t seem to notice my hurt/shock, and just said that A always does this. another instance would be during my birthdays, though i feel this might come off as ungrateful, but its something that bothers me. every year i feel that they don’t put in any effort into getting me a present i would like. one year it was post-its. another year they bought some socks and opened it in front of me, each took a pair they liked and gave me the remaining pairs as my present.