For some time now, my parents had wanted me to help them with their small business of opening a stall and they wanted me to help. I have expressed the fact that I dont feel like helping them despite me having nothing better to do, drawing boundaries that seemed non-existent in my parents’ eyes. I have been having problems with my motivation to do anything, to move out of my comfort zone or to even stay in it. Am I lazy?
Secondly, this business that they’ve been trying to get going is something I do not support. I do not know why I dont support it anymore, it feels like the feeling of opposition comes from my laziness, or perhaps from my brain being rebellious towards my parents. Am I being rebellious?
Third, ive been trying to plan a future for uni and whatnot, but all of it seems so hopeless. I know its not, I know it will be better if I somehow go for it, but everytime it comes to my mind, the gut wrenching feeling of hopelessness is the first thing I feel. I dont know what to do in the future.
Finally, im sorry that the whole structure of this post is weird and all over the place, ive just came off from my parents lashing out at me for being disobedient and disrespectful towards them and the idea of the business. Is it normal to want independence? If yes, is it normal to feel overwhelmed, everyday, by the idea of it? And am I lazy for not doing anything? I have intrusive thoughts about running away from everything and just disappearing entirely.
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Hello @user0510 thank you for opening up and sharing all of this. It sounds like you’ve been under a lot of emotional pressure lately, especially with your parents’ expectations and the ongoing conflict about helping with their business. You expressing that you don’t feel like helping and trying to set boundaries shows self-awareness and courage. It’s not easy to speak up about what you need, especially when it involves your parents.
It completely makes sense that this situation has drained your energy and affected your motivation. When you’re constantly dealing with conflict or feeling misunderstood, it can take a big toll on your emotional wellbeing. That’s likely why even simple things, like getting started on something new or thinking about your future, feel so heavy and hopeless right now. It’s not laziness. It’s exhaustion and emotional overload.
It also makes sense that you don’t feel connected to your parents’ business anymore. When you’re being pushed into something you don’t align with, it’s natural to lose interest or even feel resistance toward it. That doesn’t automatically mean you’re being rebellious. It could just mean you’re trying to define your own path and sense of independence.
Wanting independence is completely normal, especially as you grow older and start thinking about your own life and goals. But yes, it’s also normal to feel overwhelmed by it. Independence can sound freeing, but it also comes with uncertainty and fear, especially when you’re still figuring things out.
The thoughts of wanting to disappear sound like they’re coming from feeling stuck and emotionally worn out. You don’t deserve to carry all of that alone. If those thoughts ever feel too heavy, please reach out to someone you trust. Maybe a friend, school counselor, or mental health professional, just to talk through what you’re feeling. You don’t have to go through this by yourself.
You’re not lazy or rebellious. You’re a person trying to navigate a difficult situation while finding your own voice. That’s brave. Be gentle with yourself while you figure things out, and remember that it’s okay to take things one step at a time.
Dear @user0510
Thank you for sharing what has been happening in your life. From what you wrote, I believe you are feeling hopeless and lost because you find yourself at the crossroads and wondering the path to take.
Please know that when we are tired, it’s because of a depletion of energy. That can come across as being lazy or broken because we feel lethargic. I believe you are not lazy or broken. I observe that when life wears us for a long time, motivation can disappear. That’s our mind’s way of protecting from more pain.
It’s also okay to not want to help with something you don’t believe in. Saying no to your parents is not disrespectful. It signals you want the space to find your own unique path. Wanting independence is natural, even if it feels scary and overwhelming.
I have observed that feeling hopeless doesn’t mean there’s no future. It just means you’re drained right now. Take things one small step at a time; rest, eat a little, breathe. Healing starts quietly.
Having thoughts about disappearing suggests that you have endured a lot and bottled up your emotions and pain. Please do not face that alone. I encourage you to please reach out to SOS at 1767 or the national mindline at 1771. They’ll listen without judgement and manned by competent and caring counsellors 24/7.
Keep reaching out here whenever needed too. We are here to support and by taking small steps forward to re-centre yourself, I believe you can find your own unique path. 
I have developed this urge to want to run away, just grab a car and drive as far as I could and leave everything behind. I know it sounds stupid, but is this just the fight or flight instincts kicking in? I feel like im taking what I have now for granted but I dont know what to do about it.
Dear @user0510
Thank you for this additional sharing. I believe the urge not to face the situation is very understandable; however, my experience is that avoiding conflict and discussing difficult topics may not be helpful in the long run. If possible, do speak to a counsellor or a career coach to help you clarify and articulate what you want to achieve in your life in terms of education/future career.
I believe that with clearer plans for yourself mapped out, it would be come in helpful when you speak to your parents. It is more likely to facilitate them to better understand your needs and aspirations. Do consider. And let us know how it goes.
I guess its normal for people to be rebellious and take things for granted in life when you have the opportunity to.
I am pretty sure your parents wanted you start a business for you to run because the wanted you to do something rather than rotting at home 24/7.
As a fact that you cannot rely of them forever, and there will be a point of life where will need to survive without them.
Still….If you want to runaway, feel free to do so. And dont bring anything that they give or pay for you with you. And see how long to can survive on you own without them. And you will know why they want you to help out in their business. Still….who owns the car you are going to drive?
In life we always tend to take things for granted until we loose it and then we will regret deeply not doing something when we have the opportunity to.
Although I am very distance from my relatives, I remember very deeply when during my grandmother’s funeral, all my aunties and uncles as well as my mother was very chill during the first few days of the funeral. And on the very last day when they need to send her off for cremation. All of them broke down in tears, and one of them fainted. And one of my uncle cried very loudly say that, my grandmother ask him out for coffee but he rejected it. If he ever know this will happen he will have go to have coffee with her.
And this has deeping engraved in my head and i learned that i shouldnt have taken things for granted when its here and now. As we never know what will happen tomorrow.
Still….even if you are planning for uni, the question is when? And does it interfere with you doing something for your family?
Honestly…..in life no one can talk you over to do something execpt yourself.
Hello @user0510 That doesn’t sound stupid at all. When things get too overwhelming, it’s totally normal for your mind to go into fight or flight mode. And for you, it sounds like the “flight” part is really strong right now. That urge to just leave everything behind usually comes from wanting peace and relief from all the pressure you’re feeling, not because you’re ungrateful or irresponsible.
It also makes sense that you feel like you’re taking things for granted. You’re self-aware enough to notice it, which already shows you care. You’re just caught between wanting freedom and feeling guilty about it, and that’s a really tough place to be emotionally.
You don’t have to act on that urge to escape; instead, maybe think about what exactly you’re trying to get away from. Sometimes understanding what’s making you feel trapped can help you find smaller, safer ways to get space, like taking a walk, journaling, or spending time somewhere that’s yours, even just for a bit.
You’re not broken or dramatic for feeling this way, you’re reacting like a human being who’s under a lot of stress. Take it slow, okay? You deserve some calm after all the chaos.