i want to cry. i feel so sad and miserable. i feel like maybe im not good enough for anything, not even a relationship, friendship and even work. i feel like my friends and everyone at work are just talking behind my back and they all hate me and will leave me. i feel so sad. i think life is so much better without me. it’s been weeks feeling like this. i am not good enough for anything and anyone to stay. 
the things i love to do like making music, maybe im just a joke anyway and im not going anywhere. everyone’s shining even my closest friends, my crush and there i am. maybe i’m just a joke after all.
Hi aisyahleman,
You sounded really depressed, and life seems gloomy for you as you don’t see yourself good in doing anything, relationships, work, and even the music you love to make.
Though you mentioned that you have been feeling like this for weeks, I wonder if you have experienced theses kind of emotions before. If you have been thinking negatively about yourself for a long period of time due to some past experiences, and have not spoken and processed those experiences with anyone, then it might be possible that something in life triggered your memory of past experiences and brought up those depressive thoughts/feelings.
In any case, I can hear that your negative thoughts about self ( I feel like……friends talking behind my back; … they all hate me and will leave me) seemed to be out of “suspicions” as you were “thinking only. These negative thoughts about how people might be judging you made you feel low and not valued. These negative thoughts in turn led you to bouts of depressive emotions.
It is normal that at times people have these “suspicious” sensations about people judging us, and this reminded us of the negative thoughts that we used to judge ourselves ( Eg. I am not good enough). Thus, learning to lead a healthy life is important for us to improve our self-efficacy.
Simple steps like these (>not exhaustive list<) can be considered:
pick up an exercise - preferably exercise that can make you perspire. Your brain will produce good hormones (endorphins) during exercise, and this will make you feel relaxed and good about yourself.
Adopt an emotional regulation method, like deep breathing. You can also explore one method from the mindlife website.
Think of one positive thought about yourself that is true and you can believe in. Then say that to yourself at least twice a day (to begin with).
If you continue to experience depressive mood and unable to think positive about yourself, there may be other reasons behind, such us having difficulty to let go of challenging experiences from the past. You may wan to consider to see a counsellor for help.
Hope my sharing helps.
1 Like
Hey @aisyahcheese I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way, and I want you to know that you’re not alone in these thoughts. It sounds like everything is piling up, and it’s making you question your worth and your place in the world. You’re not a joke, even though it feels that way right now. It’s natural to feel small and invisible when everyone else seems to be shining, but that doesn’t make you any less valuable.
The things you love—like making music—have real meaning, whether or not they feel perfect or noticed by others. Your passion, the creativity you bring, and the effort you put in are worth so much. And while it might feel like people don’t see your worth, it doesn’t mean it’s not there. Sometimes, our minds can be so harsh to us, making us believe things that simply aren’t true. I often think we always think and imagine the worse of what others think of us, further undermining ourselves, which forms a toxic cycle. First things first, whenever I feel down or feel others are hating me, I try to change my mood by exercising or doing things that can improve my mood (such as eating, playing music, reading comics). Then I come back to the issue and think to myself, “am I overthinking?” sometimes people won’t see me that way… Although it doesn’t work all the time, but I feel with practice we can train our mindset to be that way as well.
It’s okay to feel sad and tired, but please don’t give up on yourself. You’re more than enough, just as you are, even if it doesn’t feel that way now.
1 Like
thank you for taking the time for this message, it really made my day truly. im still not doing any better as i broke down yesterday but i’ll try again for today.