so it’s exam season now, also psle season, but that was last year for me. sec 1 this year and i’m really just so tired, my schedule is so packed, my parents have so many expectations for me, especially my father.
now for my exams or any other graded assessment i don’t even tell my father unless i have to, because it seems like all he does is nag, nag and nag. i really cannot take it. at least my mother is more understanding, but it’s not as if she can give me any advice. she was a straight a student since young and i hate how my father sometimes compares me to my mother.
i can’t hide my yeas( year end assessment) from my parents, so i gotta face it i guess? i have geography and language arts (kinda like english and literature combined) next monday and history and language arts again on tuesday. my father said yesterday that if i can’t get below A (for my school, A is 70-85 and A+ is 85-100 if im not wrong, its so many numbers) than i really have to buck up. but are you being serious right now??? A is a lot to ask for, like think about it, my history teacher half the time isn’t teaching class content and both subjects are new.
like ok bro!! what about you try?? i really can’t stand it, he nags at me everyday to revise, as if i don’t study enough and my schedule isn’t full enough!! i sleep average 7hs which is already really good and i stay back after school to study, because at home it’s just too noisy. then i have swimming training, im in competitive swimming so i have to train a lot, and i only have free time until 9.20 around there. and you still tell me to study, i can barely keep my eyes open!!
then for my science, i didn’t do well at first, so first he got me tuition, then he bought me MORE assessment books, then more nagging!! i’m already trying really hard. i went from failing to getting average 43/60. is that not enough?? like what you mean by “80% shouldn’t be too much to ask for”??? it is a lot to ask for!!
even for psle my pa kept overestimating me, then getting mad when i scored my desired mark, i did well and improved from prelims, and i never even got the score you expected me to get before!!
another thing, do yall know how a lot asian parents first say one thing, then say another that’s the complete opposite?! well it happens a lot to me and oh my god, i absolutely cannot stand it. i don’t even feel like i have any fun in my life anymore, just school, study, swim and repeat. weekends also have tuition.
i cannot wait for exams to be over. i have so much i want to do. i guess i just want to rant here, i feel like i’m those type of people who seem so cheerful on the outside but breaking apart on the inside. i used to be so cheerful in primary school then secondary school i can literally see my personality getting darker, i don’t have anything to say to my parents and half the time i just cry at night because what else do i do??
i considered approaching the school councellor before but i don’t like face to face stuff. feels like it can get a bit awkward, which is why i’m here. everyone just seems so accepting of who we are. i just hope i can survive without anymore burnouts. i spend more time at school than at home, and school is literally my comfort zone because i have friends there, and work to busy me. and music just makes everything SO SO SO much better.
not related but what are some music artists yall listen to for studying/work?? personally jvke, hannah bahng or billie eilish 
. sometimes it feels unfair, sometimes it just feels hopeless when the target is too high for us at the moment. though it is hard to change your dad’s attitude, i hope you know that his expectations do not have to reflect yours. when you start to have your own goals and you start to recognise your own achievements and improvements, this can drive yourself much more than other people’s goals. of course, it is easier said than done because im sure the nagging will still happen but from what I am reading, I can tell you care about your grades and you do work towards improving yourself so I must say you are already on a good track!
but awhile ago, maybe charlie xcx when doing less intensive work hahah
.
But please remember that exams don’t define your worth, and you don’t owe anyone constant perfection. The fact that you’re aware of burnout and reaching out like this shows you’re looking after yourself more than you realise.
for me now i lowkey just stay in school until like 5 to study and hang out at the squash court with my friends which is what i’m doing now hahahah