Probably relatable to some - my mom being an absolute asshole

[user3083]

its my mom. shes getting ■■■■■■■ unbearable. i had a mock test today and i flunked it pretty badly because i did NOT study (come on man its a mock). my mom asked me about it and i was like oh ■■■■ here we go… then she was like “WHAT ELSE ARE YOU GOING TO FAIL?? YOU SAY U LIKE LEARNING BIO, BUT YOUR BIO U BARELY PASSED. THEN U SAY U ARE DOING OK WITH CHEM, THEN U FAIL ALSO. WHAT ELSE YOU WANT TO FAIL? YOU FAIL A MATH AND SS NOT ENOUGH? ALL YOUR SUBJECTS EITHER BORDERLINE PASS OR FAIL!!” she threw some stuff at me. ‘FAIL. FAIL. EVERYTHING FAIL!!” so like atp i shut up alrdy then maybe she will go away. spoiler: she didnt. she scolded me for hours but atp im already used to it since i was a child. then she said “IM NOT GOING TO SPEND A SINGLE CENT ON TUITION THAT DOESNT EVEN WORK! I SHOULD BE SAVING UP FOR MY RETIREMENT INSTEAD OF WASTING MONEY ON YOU!” ouch. then she asked (hollered): “HOW MANY PEOPLE FAILED??!?!?!” i said: “most of us failed except one guy.” then she spat: “I KNEW IT!! THE REST PROBABLY GOT 60%-50% PASS! MAYBE SOME ONLY FAILED BY A FEW MARKS!! BUT YOU! YOU FAIL SO BADLY I KNOW YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE WHO FAILED!! EVEN YOUR TEACHER IS EMBARRASSED TO TEACH SOMEONE LIKE YOU!!” that teacher was not very disappointed with me at all; in fact, she reminded me that maybe i should go revise polynomials a little bit more then i said yes maybe i should also go revise trigo and logarithms! but here my mother is, screaming “WHAT ARE YOU DAYDREAMING ABOUT IN CLASS??? ANIME?? BOYS?? I TELL YOU, NO ONE WILL EVER LOVE A DUMB GIRL!!!” ■■■■■ i’m bisexual i have better things to think about than the fugly dudes in my class(ok theyre bad but not that bad BUT STILL). and if no one will ever love a stupid girl, i dont see why you should love me then. keep in mind that the whole time she’s shouting at me, my siblings can hear and they experienced all this before as well. then the classic self-esteem dissolving descriptions come out. “USELESS!” “UNGRATEFUL!” “STOP PRETENDING LIKE YOU ARE DOING YOUR BEST WHEN YOU OBVIOUSLY ARE NOT!” “WHEN YOU PUT IN EFFORT I CAN SEE ONE OKAY. YOU ARE OBVIOUSLY NOT DOING YOUR BEST AND DOING HALF BAKED REVISION!!” ok NO YOU MF HOE you have no ■■■■■■■ idea if i am studying with 100% concentration. just cause i spend only 2h on bio rev doesnt mean that i only understood 30% of it. she thinks that how long i study=how much i absorb, then she contradicts herself and says no matter how long i sit at my desk it wont work unless i pay attention. idk anymore maybe it’s my fault but idk what do y’all think? i know i’m not the best student ever and at one point in pri sch i used to be a GOOD student. student ambassador and best writer awards type ■■■■ uk? but i DETIORIATED in sec 3 maybe cause the hormones…pls help i am so tired and done with everything. i think its my fault because like…i’m not disciplined enough and lowkey just like winging it but you’re not the only one who actually wants to do well LIKE FYM IM NOT ACTUALLY TRYING BRO??

am i really just being rude and undisciplined about my studies, and am i ungrateful and wasting my parent’s retirement funds or sum ■■■■? pls pls pls send help queens/kings sorry for the swearing im just really worked up rn

oh and this was all because i came back from 4h long tuition (for the mock paper), because i came home, took a shower and started drawing peacefully. yes i draw and no im not a shy art kid (no hate, love yall) but like MAN… TSPMO.

can anyone relate.this has been going with me and my siblings the whole of our lives and i am only speaking up for them and for myself because even though this is prooobably just normal asian parenting​:sparkles: and im prolly just “being dramatic”, i dont really think its good for me or my sibs THEY’RE ONLY P4 AND P5 AND WE’VE ALL EXPERIENCED THIS BS FROM YOUNG.

also, she said that everytime i make her angry i make her cancer cells grow faster. is it true that hatred can cause cancer to grow faster?? lol help she’s blaming me for her own disease like huUHhh?? pls help tho

[user3083]

an update on my situation tonight: my dad just walked in, gave me a rousing speech about o how the next 3 months i have to face it and really work hard, and in the end its for me and for them. and then he said to have no regrets and say that i tried my best?? idk if hes mad or like trying to encourage me or indirectly trying to reverse psychology me into working hard. i have a few questions:

1. who am i studying my ■■■ off for—myself or my parents? i know it’s for my future but like… i don’t really know what’s gonna happen to me in the future.
2. WHAT IS HE TRYING TO SAY??? AM I JUST STUPID AND CAN’T READ EMOTIONS??
3. my dude. i am already trying my best. yes i know i am occasionally b!tchY about studies and procrastinate some but COME ON DUDE
4. i get this weird uncomfortable feeling like i wanna grab a chainsaw and maul something whenever my parents try to be nice and it sounds so fake and it highkey disgusts me. like they (esp my mom) would say some sappy ■■■■ like “i dont want any more fights in this house” or “do you know how much this hurts me? it hurts me more than you uk.” proceeds to dramatically wipe away fake-looking tears. DO I HAVE PROBLEMS OH WAIT OF COURSE I DO. WHY AM I RANTING HERE IF I HAVE A PERFECT FAMILY. (sorry to all who are reading this and have nice, caring, respectful, non-condescending familial relations. keep slaying y’all.)

[lilac]

Hi @user3083 it sounds like a lots been going on lately. I hear how your mum has scolded you a lot for your results, and the messages she says can be contradictory and really discouraging. And even with your dad it’s not exactly discouraging, yet it isn’t direct, which can be frustrating. It makes sense being frustrated and upset with everything going on — on one hand there’s a lot of shouting and discouraging remarks at home, yet on another there may be periods of niceness that can feel fake given how different that is from the negativity that happens — what a rollercoaster of emotions that is for you.

I want to take a moment to share what I do see in you from what you’ve shared. I see how you know what you’re priorities are — like how if it’s a mock exam you wouldn’t put too much time into it, or that you know your teacher’s feedback on what you need to study might be a bit more logical than your mum’s. Even though you’re trying to make sense of what to take in, and know that some of these behaviours might not be good foe you or your siblings, I see that you also care. You’re trying your best, and right now that doesn’t seem to be seen by your parents. I’m sorry that they don’t, but I can see how you’re trying really hard.

I can’t answer all of the questions, like whether anger makes cancer cells grow faster or what your dad means. But I can tell you that whatever is happening isn’t your fault. You are trying your best, and whatever the results are you are enough.

I know we have many wise kings and queens here on let’s talk, but I’m wondering for you, do you also have someone supporting you irl? A safe adult that you feel comfortable talking to. Because you definitely don’t deserve to go through this alone, and having someone supporting you might help make sense of the emotions and experiences you have

[crispycreme]

Hey @user3083, thank you for sharing about your worries so candidly. I can sense that you are deeply frustrated by the way your mom has been treating you during this extremely stressful period, and this whole saga has led to many questions popping up in your mind about your studies and your relationship with your family.

I think you’re doing a good job thus far, coping with your studies and the rocky relationship you have with your family. It is tough having to receive unexpected results despite having studied hard, and having to face your parents’ expectations too. I just want to take a moment to affirm you for pushing through this far.

As a student myself, I can empathise with the pain and anger you feel when your mom scolds you very harshly. I can tell you feel misunderstood when your parents blame you for not putting in any effort to study, when in fact you did study very hard. Doing your best right now is the most important thing, and you should be proud of yourself for doing so.

As cheesy as it may sound, even as your mother scolds you harshly, it comes from a place of genuine care. While her approach is not the best given that it is hurting you, it may be comforting to know that she does not intend to cause hurt to you. Accepting that can be helpful for you to redirect her criticism into motivation, and to prove to her and yourself that you can achieve the results that you want, as long as you put in the effort to do so.

I can tell you’re very stressed by your results, there are various methods you can use to better deal with the pressure. First, you can consider taking scheduled breaks after long periods of studying (eg. 15-minute break after 2 hours of studying) to ease your mind off the load and give it sufficient time to digest information. Do things that you enjoy during the breaks, such as going out for a short walk, listening to your favourite song, eating a nice snack etc. And after the break, you will be re-energised to continue studying productively!

Second, journaling your studying progress can be rewarding too. Celebrate milestones, such as when you’ve finished revising a topic, or did well on a mock test paper. Acknowledge the hard work that you’ve put in, and that can serve as fuel for you to work harder in a healthy manner.

I can tell that your mom and dad do care about you and want you to do well, even though they may not be the best at expressing so. It is unavoidable for there to be conflicts between family members; the best way to overcome that may just be to be more compassionate to them and yourself.

I hope you do well on your exams, and remember to take care and not overwork yourself. You can do it, as long as you strive hard and don’t give up! If you feel like chatting to someone, don’t be afraid to reach out to any of your trusted friends, or to us on this platform! I’m rooting for you, jiayou!

[user3083]

OMG TY SO MUCH FOR REPLYING it’s so nice to have someone empathise with my venting TYTYTYSM. So to answer your question on whether I have a trusted adult I can talk to, I would say yes, just that I haven’t exactly tried to talk any adults about this because I feeeeel that they would just say that my mom cares about me and cringe stuff like that which I ABSOLUTELY DO NOT BELIEVE HAHAHA . But likee THANKS SO MUCH FOR HAVING MY BACK AND TO ALL THOSE TRAUMATISED KINGS AND QUEENS OUT THERE READING THIS, KEEP SLAYING AND DONT LET THE TRAUMA MINUS YOUR AURA (omg it rhymes LOLLL)

[user3083]

OMG OMG HI YES THANKS FOR READING MY RANTS :OO LOVE YALL FOR TAKING TIME TO REPLY TO ME. And yes, I do know that they don’t mean to say such mean things and TYYY ONCE AGAIN FOR EMPATHISING WITH ME it means so much. Thanks for yur advice on the study breaks and how to relax! LOVE YALL

[octopus]

hi @user3083 ,

this sounds like a really stressful situation you’re in i can relate to your experiences with the pressure you’re experiencing with your studies, my parents were very similar while i was still schooling

hearing the discouraging words from your mother must be quite hurtful, especially when you are trying in your studies. it’s great that you’re thinking about your studies carefully and prioritising which tests to study for, that’s really important in making sure you don’t overdo it or burn out! it makes sense to put graded assessments first, you know yourself and your study methods best!

i can relate to the anger you feel when your parents try to be nice, i feel that anger really often too. it’s really confusing when you get contradictory messages like the harsh words about your exams and not wanting to have fights in the house. it’s really understandable that you’re uncomfortable and angry.

i know firsthand it’s really not easy to grow up in the household where you’re treated harshly, and i want to commend you for the strength you’ve shown! it’s really great that you’re sharing what you’re going through and reaching out here

is there anyone else like your friends, teachers, or maybe a school counsellor that knows about what you’re going through? it might be helpful for you to have someone on your side that knows you well and can give you support when you need it

all the best in dealing with this situation and your studies! i see some other users have given you study tips, and i hope thats helpful! if you ever need to rant or need support do reach out here, we’re all here to listen take care!

[user3083]

TYTYY YALL ARE SO SUPPORTIVE IM GONNA CRY

[lilac]

Of course, that’s what we’re here for!

I would encourage you to give it a try. The worst that can happen is I guess what you’d expect – that maybe they may not empathise as much as you’d hope and say that your mum cares about you, and say cringey things. But it could also possibly go better than expected and there might now be someone who is supporting you! You’ll never know until you try

Most of all, just want to make sure you feel supported If you’re not ready to tell an adult yet, this space is also here for you still

[octopus]

we’re all here for you!! if you ever need vent or someone to listen do feel free to share