I really am stuck

I was quite happy 4 years ago before Covid but now I’m ireally the unhappiest I have ever been, I have no friends no one to open up to, talk to, turn to. My mother is verbally abusive kind of person she has slapped me a few times but I don’t if that is ok because it was not like other parents, disciplining their child it was just if I annoyed her, or continued speaking when she was quite angry. My mother and sister get incredibly angry at the smallest things, for example if I accidentally took my sisters food instead of mine she would yell at me very loudly and scare me but I didn’t even do it on purpose. Like I said my mom hurts people most with her disgusting words, she has told me and my sister many times to die and called us ‘btches’ she has even said stuff like that to our father who has slapped her a few times when he’s very angry, however he has not slapped me, I’m not totally sure if he has slapped my sister because she does go against what my parents tell her so he might have but my father only slaps to discipline unlike my mother. Me and my father are the ‘Volcano’ type of people we take it and take it until we burst, my sister and mother however are the kind of people who will explode within seconds. Before Covid however, our family barely talked, busy with school and work and friends. During covid however, our maid ran away as my mother used to scold her a lot and having been scolded by mother before, I understand why she did, but that left our house in complete chaos. Me and my sister had to start doing all the work as my mother has arthritis and is overweight so it is hard for her to move around a lot. My father had work so he could not help us out. Because of being stuck and having to do work, me and my sister fought constantly, “I did all the work while you lazed around” ‘what all work you did, you did like three things!’ It became a fight for instant gratification, which was never given (thanks mom for making us do all the work when we have school work to do and then never so much acknowledging it and instead calling us lazy btches ). Even before Covid, I’m the younger sister and my older sister has always been lazy, has always made me do things for her while constantly bullying me. ‘Get me a glass of water’ ‘turn off the lights you’re closer’ ‘throw this in the trash for me’ ‘bring my food in for me’ ‘put my plates back in the sink’ etc. and this might seem like normal sister stuff, but it was constant and daily and sadly it carried on to Covid where she would be lazy give me more or harder work to do and then constantly claim to do more work then me to look better in front of my mother. Ok so that was the Covid years, I’m going to summarize the rest of the negative ramifications from Covid years- my mother and sister destroyed my confidence, self worth etc. -I became lonely and without friends or confidence to make new ones (thanks Covid) became completely alone with all my pain. Now this is going to cover an incredibly painful event towards the end of the Covid years for me and entering the worst period of my life . last year, in December, my family and I were going to India. My father had work and sister had school. Me and my mother and maid went first ( I wish I had a choice to say no because this literally caused the death of my happiness) my mother shops a lot and even in SG goes out every day and spends money like crazy (another problem I have my parents always stifled sister and me from money so my sister spends her paycheck the moment she gets them and I struggle to make sure I never become like them) my mother made me go out EVERYDAY FROM MORNING TO NIGHT IN HOT DIRTY INDIA JUST SO I COULD CARRY HER BAGS WHICH MY FATHER NORMALLY DOES. this is the part that always makes me cry, because we were always out the whole day, we had to eat outside, if you didn’t know, India is not know for having the cleanest kitchens, they have roadside stands with rats everywhere and even the restaurants are really dirty, so naturally I got a stomach infection. This actually hurts me to write, my mother… the first day I was sick, I ate then vomited, ate then vomited, then finally decided to eat something that was considered sick food (I ate some thing with milk),biggest mistake in my life because after not having any food in your body, and you vomit for the third time, you become so weak you can t even walk or move or do anything, I told my mother that i vomited for the third time, and that I couldn’t even move, and she booked a doctors appointment from somebody across the street to where we were staying at that did not have a PHD but learned everything from their parent, since I couldn’t even move, my mother made something f*caking stupid like a home remedy she mixed ginger and lemon juice and forced it down my throat, I was so weak that I couldn’t even say no. We took the lift to level one they were practically carrying me arms linked through mine and just before we crossed the street to get to the doctor, i vomited on the street, the stupid ginger lemon thing and I swear to god that woman that claims to be my mother screamed at me to stop vomiting ( I’m in actual tears right now , this was the worst moment in my entire life) imagine vomiting so much that you are so weak you can’t walk on your own, your mother feeds you a vomiting juice, and then screams at you in full volume in middle of the street in front so many people to ‘stop vomiting’ AS IF IT IS SOMETHING THAT YOU CAN PHYSICALLY CONTROL, I NEVER HATED MY MOTHER MORE IN MY LIFE I NEVER WANTED TO DIE MORE IN MY LIFE THAN RIGTH THEN AND THERE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET. I had to go to a hospital to be inserted with an IV because I could eat anything oh and btw that fake doctor told me that I was that sick because of mixing the ACNE PILL THAT MY MOTHER FORCED ME TO TAKE WITH MY STOMACH INFECTION MEDICINE. ACNE AS IF THAT IS A LIFE THREATENING DISEASE I GENUINELY DONT CARE HOW I LOOK AND MY MOTHER WILL NEVER MAKE INSECURE BUT BECAUSE SHE DIDNT WANT ME TO BE RIDICULED BY HER FRIENDS (whose opinion of me doesn’t matter to me at all)SHE MADE ME TAKE ACNE MEDICINE WHEN MY ACNE IS TEN TIMES BETTER THAN MY SISTERS AND TO ME THAT IS NOT A GOOD ENOUGH REASON TO LITERALLY KILL YOUR DAUGHTER + THE LEMON GONGER that literally means that my mother made me sick in the first place and then made vomit again and the screamed at me to stop as if I could control it as if it was my fault and not hers. During that trip, I was completely exhausted from carrying heavy bags and going out every day, I used to cry into my pillow wishing on all the stars that my father would be there to help me and let me rest, then when I got sick, my mother immediately wanted her bag carrier back thankfully she let me rest for a while ( very reluctantly, even thought she was the one to make sick and take me to the hospital) I have never met an more narcissistic stuck in her own point of view egotistic arrogant void of empathy person than my mother except for my sister. I cried everyday for my father and that I could be home. The second worst bit was once my father, sister got here, they said they had to leave earlier and offered me to go with them( I should have gone but then again emotionally manipulative mother to the rescue) she said stuff like (in tears, “you will leave me and go?” I swear to god I should have just point blank said yes because that monster kept me in my personal hell until January 1, THATS RIGHT FOLKS THAT SELFISH MONSTER KEPT ME IN THE WORST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD UNTILL TWO DAYS BEFORE MY SEC 4 YEAR!! LETS ALL CLAP FOR HER WHAT A MOTHER. Another thing that happened in India, all my relatives hate me, not exaggerating genuinely nobody cares if I lived or died, they fawn over my sister and then don’t so much as glance at me because I have darker skin that’s her, am younger than her, and am not as fluent as her. My mothers brother is just as bad as her. He used to comment something about me everyday, while expressing his immense love for my sister. So after all that negativity finally getting home and having homework to do immediately because school started in 2 days and i didn’t have any of my books with me in India, even though I asked my sister to bring it with her since she came to India after me. Awful start to worst year in my life. O-levels. Hatred in this year ran high. It was the number one feeling along with sadness, anger, hopelessness,worthlessness and of course depression.

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Hi @Hanah123 , thank you for sharing so openly and honestly about your feelings. I am really so sorry that you’re experiencing so much pain with your mother, especially the things that happened while you were in India. I’m truly sorry that you had to go through all the physical and emotional struggles. I just want to affirm you for your mental and emotional strength, that despite going through all these, you are still here - which proves to me that you’re really, really strong and brave. I commend you for that bravery and courage.

I’m so sorry that you had to start the year in such a way, it must have been very difficult for you. Sometimes, when we have difficulties with our families, it’s hard to have their understanding. They may not be able to fully empathise with us or understand what we are going through, and that is why I feel it’s important to seek support from the people around you such as your teachers, counsellors, or even trusted friends. It’s important for you to share your feelings and thoughts with someone who can also help you feel emotionally safe as well.

On another thought, I just want to share this resource that will be helpful for you whenever you feel the need to break away from the mixture of emotions as I understand that your O-level examinations are coming up. You can try detaching mindfully (https://mindline.sg/youth/resource-group?group=health-and-wellness&sub-group=my-feelings) and remembering the positive things in your life, to help you to stay focused on your tasks ahead.

Meanwhile, it would really be good for you to speak to a mental health professional who can perhaps help you with strategies on coping with your family (e.g. communication skills) or the professional can also talk to your family members and mediate between members too.

I hope you will continue to focus on taking care of yourself too! Find ways to engage yourself in meaningful activities to keep yourself happy and relaxed (e.g. drawing, jogging, etc - https://mindline.sg/youth/article?type=resource&resource-id=892). Remember, this community is here for you!


@Hanah123 I read your post thrice and each time it made my heart ache that you had to go through.

O’levels is a stressful year in itself and I can’t imagine the additional stress that you’re facing from your family situation. I can only say you’re incredibly resilient.

You mentioned that this was at the start of this year. Have things changed for the better since then?

You seem to be a really bright student, I’m not sure what other advice we could offer right now but rest assured our community is here to lend a listening ear when you need it. :ear:

And all the best for O’levels! :books:

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It worse now actually because our maid left us again and now me and my sister have to do all the work and it’s really hard to balance getting constantly scolded for not helping out because I’m studying and my grades are very bad and I have only 1 month to pull up my grades so Im very stressed. I’m trying to avoid my mother in order to study but it’s really hard because she doesn’t understand why it’s necessary for me to do so and is getting progressively angrier with me. But it’s really nice to hear messages like yours and makes feel heard thank you so much :heart:. I just feel so hopeless and worthless, I genuinely am so terrified of failing o-levels and it feels like a horrifying preview to rest of my life.

Yes, I’m sure it’s not easy to balance both household chores and studying. Do you study at home most of the time or are you able to study in public places like libraries? Like you, my home environment wasn’t the most conducive for studying so I remember camping out at McDonalds’ while studying for my O’levels :fries:

If you get time for a break, you can also check out the resources on youth mindline. There’s an entire section for Exam Stress that could be helpful.

O’levels is important so you’ll need to do your best but it’s not the end. Sometimes the anticipation is worse than the actual event. Also if you have a close group of friends in school that you can study with and life after O’levels, that can help too. :palm_tree:

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I do study at a library, and it does allow me to study without much distraction, my mother always gets upset that I leave her alone to do all the work while her knee is hurting, but i just try to keep my head down and focus on exams. I do have a group of close friends but they are all in different schools and classes and take different subjects and we don’t get see each other as often anymore. I don’t really have any other friends outside of that group and am struggling with making more friends. Any tips on that? Because I have googled like online ‘how to make friends’ and they suggest to go out more and be more outspoken but it’s really hard for me to do that as I can’t go anywhere and it is very hard for me to be more outspoken or confident. That’s actually why I am struggling with loneliness as I only have 4-5 friends and we can’t see each other that much, and I feel very alone in my home with my sister and mother being so easily aggravated I have to very carefully assess each word before I say it in front of them just avoid a fight. I am getting very tired of walking on egg shells around them, I wish I could just not have them in my life anymore. I’m also starting to resent my friends as they have no initiative to meet anymore as they have their own group of friends, and I find out things about them that I don’t Like, I tried to open up to my sister and my friend and they both shut me down and change the topic and so now I don’t trust them and even resent them. I also found out that my guy friends have more traditional views and are very combative whenever I point out that they shouldn’t think like that anymore. So it’s really hard for me to go about everyday completely alone, and failing in my studies. So I feel so hopeless like no one is ever going to love me. I am going to fail and go nowhere, do nothing with my life, I’m a failure. To me success means nothing to me without love and support, like if I pass an exam I will be even happier when people around me hug and congratulate me. So I feel like there’s no point in me passing as nobody will care, my parents no matter how well you do, they will still be disappointed you didn’t do better. So not only do I feel hopeless in my studies but I also feel hopeless in the thought I will forever be alone and no one will love or care about me.

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I agree that having people to celebrate your successes would make you happier. Though I also think that there’s even more meaning if you do it for yourself (rather than for the external validation). It will be worth it in the end.

The best opportunities to make friends in my opinion is during transitions where everyone is starting off from the same line. As you finish your secondary school education and move to a tertiary institution, there will be many opportunities to “start anew” and make friends. You don’t have to be outspoken to make friends, there’s value in being authentic and being yourself.

I’ve also had periods where I didn’t have many friends but it’s actually a good opportunity to work on yourself and discover yourself better. :100:

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