Hi, i am writing this because something just happened and i am reflecting. Like what the title said, i want to be more strong minded so I can be more positive and energetic. I realise whoever hangs out with me, the mood will be down cuz i am on the low energy side. I often times envy others but dont learn. For example, i received a lot of useful advice and insights from people but instead of thinking as oh i can learn and understand from people, i immediately go on to beat myself by saying “why am I not like her or why cant i think this way”. This kinda thoughts become worse when i knew that person came from a worse family breakground, who didnt had an easy childhood or life previously but still is able to brave through obstacle to be successful and optimistic person today. I know we can learn, but more than learning I often beat myself by saying “why am I not like this person”.
I also find it hard to be with positive and energetic person. While i feel grateful to have them around, but their optimism towards life often make me beat myself up and ask myself why am I not like her. I not we can learn, i know all the theories but is just my mind is auto wired to think this way even when i didnt want to. I just find it hard to bring out the energy in me to be optimistic even though i want… Is like I want but wanting and able to do it is another. And because of this, the way i talked to people often a times are down, low and moody, esp so to those who ik r optimistic. And because i am aware, it makes me feel more guilty but to have that burst of energy, i really find it hard. Maybe i am waiting for an answer, maybe i am waiting for things to happen instead of trying it myself.
I feel that if i am more appreciative of my surroundings or even more optimistic by abit, my life would have been wayy happier. Being appreciative helps, but most times when negativity sets in, i will be in low mood longer. Is this a sign of me needing help? Esp to even have the energy or motivation to do things.
Hi, Restless Thoughts,
Thank you for sharing your struggle with conflictual thoughts in your mind. I hear that one part of you wants to be “positive and energetic” while the other critical part appeared to put you down by making comparison between you and others. Although you have awareness of what you want to do but you are unable to execute your wants. This makes you moody and have low energy.
It seems that one of the reasons why you tend to lose motivation to do things after hearing others’ good advices, could be due to your mind engaging in social comparison with others. Social comparison can be judgmental and might influence self-belief, confidence , motivation, and arose negative emotions. The sense of “I am worse of compare with others” might have come from your past experiences by family/friends making judgemental views of you.
As making comparisons bring up your unhelpful thoughts that affect your motivations, thus it is possible to become strong-minded (in this sense) by cultivate a healthy way of thinking. The following are some ideas that might be helpful for you to explore:
- Accept the fact that everyone is different. Their life experiences are different, and these can affect how they think and live their current life.
- Set daily goals and work on it on a daily basis. Each time you have completed one task, make a tick and affirmed yourself.
- Don’t compare your current achievements with others, instead, focus on taking baby steps to work towards your goals.
- Keeping journals of your progress and success (even a very small success). As you accumulate your successes, your self-confidence /self-efficacy will be lifted.
- Practice gratitude (which you might have started doing). Be thankful of one thing a day will make you feel more optimistic in the long run.
- Start an exercise regime that can help to boost your mental capacity.
- Engage in mindfulness activities like meditation, yoga, etc.
- Every time when you realise that a “comparison” thought started to surface, distract yourself to an activity which you like.
- Practice proper sleep hygiene, this will help you to achieve clarity in thinking, and stay focused in thinking positive.
- Talk to a counsellor if you tried all ways and still find yourself unable to stay focus on your positive thought and unable to lift your mood and be motivated to do things.
Hope my sharing helps. Take Care.