I need direction

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Hello!

I am writing this because i feel lost. I just started a full time position after breaking for so long. Well so far has been great but i am starting to feel negativity after a month in and i feel is my fault.

  1. During my interview, i saw willing to learn is my strength, but i feel that i am saying it to get a job. Now that I am doing it, I realise is hard for me to learn… I am not sure is it because i want to be spoonfed more than seeking answers so i keep asking my seniors for answers instead of searching it up myself and therefore i feel like i dont learn at all. Additionally i feel that there is this barrier for me to be open to learning because internally i have this mechanism that keeps blaming myself or putting too much pressure on myself for not knowing things beforehand which my experience shud already shows that ik ( cuz thats what i said during interview to upsell myself). This has resulted in me doing things too slowly which affect my productivity and therefore performance and another round of beating myself because i know i am slow… But i kinda blame this on my perfectionist mindset, cuz show the best in my mind, but the present doesnt match expectations which resulted in burnout, disappointments and loss in motivation and direction. Worse is, idk why because of all this, i had this thought “do they regret hiring me”. I know all this can be proven with my work but i just cant help but to feel negativity because all along during my break i am liddat which resulted in me not resting well despite my long break.

  2. I find it really difficult to speak to my colleagues because i am too introverted… I wouldnt care if i were in another team, but i am in the people team and i have that pressure that i need to know every of my colleague or build r/s with them… But i just find it too hard to even say hi because of my introversion and i really dislike it… So 1 month, i still dont get who is who and i find it really hard to remember names now… And another round of beating myself up

  3. I am too worried about comparison with someone of the same position as me because that person worked longer, has more experienceand is pretty extroverted with alot of strong connections. And people are bound to compare and i really dislike this feeling because inside me i am competitive, i want to be the winner. I know can learn from one another but i cant help but to compare myself and i also want to change is just while i know the know-how of not to compare, i just cant help but to compare…

I really would appreciate if someone can understand and provide me new perspective… More of a mindblowing change in mindset than advice… Thank you!

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Hi @Depressedlife

Thank you for bringing up what you are experiencing so bravely. Please do not be discouraged-many among us can resonate with the mix of emotions, self-doubt, and pressure in a new role. Eventually over time, you will gain mastery.

May I recommend these for your consideration:

Mindset Shifts:

  1. From Perfectionism to Progress: Focus on growth, not flawlessness.
  2. Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with kindness, just as you would a friend.
  3. Comparison to Collaboration: Learn from others, don’t compete.
  4. Introversion as Strength: Leverage your listening skills and thoughtfulness.
  5. Learning as Journey: Embrace curiosity, ask questions, and explore.

Actionable Steps:

  1. Set realistic goals and celebrate small wins.
  2. Practice self-care: meditation, journaling, or exercise.
  3. Develop a growth mindset: seek feedback, learn from mistakes.
  4. Build relationships gradually: start with small interactions.
  5. Focus on your unique strengths and contributions.

*Remember that :

  1. You were hired for your potential.
  2. Everyone learns at their own pace.
  3. Comparison is unfair to yourself.
  4. Your worth isn’t defined by performance.
  5. You’re not alone in feeling this way.

You’ve taken the first step by acknowledging your struggles. Now, focus on growth, self-compassion, and embracing your strengths. Keep going, stay optimistic and you will see growth!:heart:

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Same. Just try to read online stuff n try to improve

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Sounds like there’s a lot of self-doubt but that’s perfectly normal. I question myself all the time as well.

My view is that the world is all relative and comparison is normal. I don’t believe in “comparison is the thief of joy” kinda of statements because it’s human nature (and kinda outside of our control) to want to compare.

However what we can control is what we do after comparing. Can we do something drastically different to get ahead of the curve? You mentioned that you’re competitive. Which is more important to you? Being competitive or being perfect?

If you choose competitiveness, then do whatever it takes to win the game. You don’t have to be perfect (no one is anyway), you just need to be better than your competition.

Maybe going along this train of thought can help you get out of this situation you’re in.