Lost direction at work

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1

I am a person who is self motivated and able to complete all tasks and projects assigned by my superiors. Also, I am respected by my colleagues and other departments.

Towards Sep 2022, my ex co. MD even asked me back to be a Finance Manager and I took up this position in Jan 2023. However, my Regional Financial Controller always find faults in me saying that I am not CPA qualified and did not know how to deal with audit and accounting matters. Even simple words like organise vs organize, he will ask me to recall my email. Every week, he would ask me to his office, close door and scold me. If I don’t listen to what he said, he would not let me out of his office.

I could not take it anymore and resigned 3 months working under him. My colleagues and friends were puzzled that my MD or HR did not do anything about this verbal abuse and discrimination. I was actually quite sad too as they asked me back and offer me a good package. However, when comes to this issue, they choose to do nothing as my Regional FC is hired by the Group whereas I/them were hired locally. Subsequently, 2 other colleagues in Finance Dept resigned as well due to this Regional FC’s character.

I have very bad experience as a result of this. Though I managed to get a job back in another company I was in before leaving for Finance Manager’s position, it was of slightly lower salary and rank.

I cared too much about other colleagues’ opinions on me being a horse who eats back the old grass. Also, this role I have taken on wasn’t easy as I have to do Credit Management/Sales Commission/Hedging for USD700M yearly turnover by myself.

I have spoken to my superior who joined 3 months after me that I need temp support or Shared Service Team’s help to improve and grow this area which was lacking in the past. However, he mentioned that I shall prioritize my work and put less items in my to do list to make myself less stressed. However, one man’s meat is another man’s poison. When I follow his way, I can produce what he wants but not to other stakeholders. I have to keep on apologising and felt very stressed not able to meet the deadlines. In this process, I cried a lot and I think those in the same office knows about that including HR.

May I check what shall I do? I seek help from HR, they asked me to talk to superior. I speak to superior and he always told me prioritize while trying to change the way Credit Management was done in the past. I have spoken to my friends and colleagues, they ask me to let the issue burst. However, it is easier to say than done. I tried but other departments start ranting at me. I am really very exhausted and tried to go out with friends but could not stop thinking about my work. I exercise 3 times a week 1 hour each but still stressed when back to work. Physical health checkup is fine but mentally I am not sure how long I can take it.

My family needs my support. Parents are at age 70 and my brother is disabled and could not perform any daily activities by himself. As each year comes along, I feel even more suffocated. What shall I do?

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Hi Rainy

Thank you for letting us know how challenging your work situation has been.
It is a complex situation indeed, and you are fully justified to feel overwhelmed and confused on how to navigate the conflicting demands you face on a daily basis. I was sad to hear about the previous job supervisor who was not respectful and nitpicked on you for no real reasons. Nothing was done by his supervisors although they knew about his questionable management style and you resigned as it had become unbearable. You are now in a new workplace where there are challenges too. I want to commend you for bravely sticking at it in spite of the overwhelming challenges you face and seeking better ways to manage. I believe you are now at a crossroads.

May I recommend the following for your consideration:

a)Evaluate what you want from a workplace. From what you have shared, you come across as someone who is organised and structured and thrives in a workplace with clear processes and timelines. You also value respect, flexibility, teamwork and the building of strong connections through clear communication and deliverables. Does your current workplace supervisor share your values? Is there anyone else in the organisation you can engage with to make the changes needed happen?

b)Take a step back and honestly evaluate if your mental health has been affected by this new job. I recommend you prioritise your mental health and happiness.

c)Engage your family and friends for support. I believe they have your welfare in their hearts and may be able to offer a fresh unbiased assessment of your situation. You could also brainstorm options and unexplored opportunities you may not have thought about. If possible, do engage a Counsellor who could help you analyse disadvantages and advantages of various options in a safe and non judgmental manner.

d)Keep up the good work of exercising regularly and going out with friend. These help in managing stress and keeps you in balance. Journaling and practising mindfulness could be also considered as these also help in advancing clarity of mind and making sound decisions.

e)Consider upgrading yourself. I believe you are already fully competent so getting a professional qualification such as the CPA is an international stamp of recognition of your professionalism. This could also open more and better job opportunities for you.

Rainy, you fully deserve a workplace where you are valued and respected. Understandably it hurts badly when you are treated unfairly and not recognised for your competency, diligence and professionalism. It may be timely to reassess your options at this point and regain your motivation and mental health. :heart:

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Hi CaringBee,

Thanks for taking time to look at my message.

A) I could say my current superior is able to guide me in my work but afraid to voice out to my HR or higher authorities that I need support. He will only ask me to focus on 3 priorities of importance to him and for the rest, I have to make use of non office hours to fulfill other tasks or stakeholders’ expectations.

I have told my superior that I can avoid vicious working cycle Mon to Thu 9am-9pm by having a 3 month temp support so that the person can focus on my daily work and I can improve Hedging and Credit Management process by using SQL, Power Query and RPA. He just told me to take it easy and don’t be stressed up. How can I do so if my KPIs are based on more than the 3 priorities that he had mentioned?

Perhaps I could speak to my superior’s boss who hired me for this position but I do not want to make my superior looks bad in front of her. Also, this means burning the bridge.

Next, most of my colleagues have good rapport with me but recently one colleague told me that another colleague said I am earning a lot so is right to be loaded and feel stressed. Don’t understand why I cry.

B) Since then, I started to avoid talking about my work issues to my superior as he felt that I am not good at managing priorities and stress. To my colleagues, I am a crybaby who cried at least once per month as they can see my workstation and sometimes I could not control my tears. Colleagues just ask me to ignore my work out of the 3 priorities but my responsible character felt bad. I know my mental health is not okay despite physical health checkup is fine. I only feel relax on Fri evening till Sun noon. Other days, I am on a fight and flight mode.

C) Talking to my close friends or parents? They are like telling me to consider carefully as I am fetching an assistant finance manager’s salary which I may not be able to get it in next job given 40 years old and non CPA qualified. This is really a tough decision that I have to made and next job doesn’t really mean better.

D) Still engaging in 3 x 1 hour exercise per week and 4 hours weekend catchup with my friends. Exercise does help but a week before menstruation, I become more moody, agitated or frustrated.

I don’t want my parents who are about to retire to worry about me on top of my disabled brother. My close friends are all earning more than I which makes me feel inferior. Colleagues are always listening to my same old grandma’s stories.

Right now, I am not sure who can help me to find my direction in life? I do not want this to continue but how can I do so?

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Hi Rainy

Thank you for letting me know more information about the situation. It is indeed a difficult position to be in and your feelings of confusion on what to do next is understandable and valid.

I can sense your respect for your current supervisor. Currently though, you are unsure how to proceed. He prefers to avoid the issue of asking for an additional temporary headcount to help you set up some processes that would allow more efficient workflows in the long run. His approach is to only focus on the priority areas.

I believe from what you have shared that it is not sustainable in the long run for you to put in the extra hours four days of the week just to meet KPIs and requirements from departments your supervisor deems as not priority.

I encourage you to therefore gather feedback from these departments affected and speak to him honestly armed with this evidence and your struggles. It would feel uncomfortable, but if you do not let him know, he may not be aware of how severe the problem is.
Hope this helps and do consider. Please take care♥️!

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Hello @Rainy,

I’m really sorry to hear about the difficult situation you’ve been going through. It sounds like you’ve been facing a lot of stress and pressure at work, and it’s completely understandable that it’s taking a toll on you both mentally and emotionally. It’s not easy to deal with a toxic work environment, especially when it starts affecting your well-being and personal life.

It’s commendable that you’ve sought help from HR and tried to communicate your concerns to your superior. It’s unfortunate that the support you’ve received so far hasn’t been sufficient in addressing the underlying issues. Feeling constantly overwhelmed and stressed can have a significant impact on your overall health and happiness, so it’s important to take steps to address the situation. Given your family responsibilities and the impact this is having on your mental well-being, it might be worth considering seeking external help or support. This could involve reaching out to a professional counselor or therapist who can provide you with guidance and support as you navigate through these challenges.

Additionally, if the work environment continues to be toxic and detrimental to your well-being, it might be worth exploring other job opportunities where you can feel more valued and supported. Your health and happiness should always be a priority, and it’s okay to prioritize your well-being over a toxic work environment.

Remember that seeking help and making changes to improve your situation is not a sign of weakness, but rather a courageous step towards taking care of yourself. You deserve to work in an environment where you feel respected and appreciated.

I hope things improve for you soon, and please remember that it’s okay to prioritize your own well-being.

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Hi Caring Bee,

Though departmental KPIs are set but the joke is I am the only person in Credit Control team. 5 objectives were set but only 1 pertaining to customer DSO 60days is linked to other departments and Hedging is linked to my superior’s KPIs. For the rest, it is more Credit Control related and I am the only one affected.

I can only say it is very hard and who would want to cry every month? I am not trying to get empathy votes but really too wear out by this. However, not all colleagues think that way.

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Hi @HanSolo2000 @CaringBee

Actually to say, these 2 years, my work life isn’t simple.

Firstly, I felt a bit upset with my ex MD and HR asking me back to thr company but was not supportive when I told them about verbal abuse of Regional Financial Controller (RFC). Also, because of this, I lost confidence of my bosses and own capability to perform.

Secondly, in this current company, my superior is good to guide me if I am in doubt or wanted to understand more on hedging which is not my forte. However, he failed to understand how much stress I am facing but thought that it is just another complaint of workload which is manageable.

In fact, I am diagnosed with panic disorder 20 years ago when I was failed to complete last 2 papers of ACCA. So I have been through a very tough period of isolation and depression. I am glad that my family and friends were supportive and with psychiatric and psychological treatment, I manage to lead a normal life after half a year though still on Lexapro and seeing psychiatrist every half year till now.

To me, I am clear that I could not collapse as I wanted my parents and brother to lead a better life and don’t want my parents to worry about me at this age. I will seek psychological treatment and see how to cope with these work related issues. I need a 3rd party opinion to see if there are areas that I need to improve on and how to cope with such if I am encounter with similar issues in future. I need to deal with them rather than quitting my job to avoid this. Please let me know if there are any affordable but good psychological treatment available outside office hours.

Thanks all!

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Hi Rainy

Thank you for letting us know. Yes, the situation with the former company was indeed challenging and I agree it hurts when no one supports you. In the current company, the supervisor does not understand how strenuous, stressful and difficult it is to achieve the KPI on credit control for which only you are held accountable for and will be used to assess your work performance. Since no one else has a stake in it, you are pretty much left alone to ensure it is met.

May I share that I am observing in you the proven ability to take charge of situations which is a quality I would like to commend.
I want to remind you that have overcome big challenges in the past. Remember that you have a lot of tenacity and resilience in you so please continue to tap on your strengths as you navigate the new challenges you are facing.

Meanwhile, here are some contacts you may find useful:

Silver Ribbon - Silver Ribbon (Singapore) - Services - Counselling
SAMH - https://www.samhealth.org.sg/our-services/outreach/samh-insight-centre/#1545895446184-0c71e7f9

They may need special arrangement for after-hours consults.

Rainy, do let us know how you are doing. Please continue self care activities and remember your well-being and mental health are of the greatest priority. :heart:

9

Hi @CaringBee,

Yes, I hope that I could walk out of this vicious working environment.

After counselling, if it is justifiable for me to stop and take a break before deciding on next career move, I will do so.

Nothing is more important than own health. I need to take care of myself before I could take care of my family members.

Fingers crossed and hope that I could bring some good news in months to come.

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