boundaries are definitely uncomfortable but i feel like its essential? my boundaries has been ignored repeatedly by my MIL. and when i asked my husband to talk about it with her, the way she reacted and behaved was very questionable. suddenly, it was us who have hurt her. and how she doesnt want to talk or do anything anymore so that there wont be any issues in the future. how does that solve anything honestly? this is exactly why i dont feel comfortable bringing my kids around her. but she sees it as i’m disrespecting her, and her role as a grandmother.
she has never showed any care/concern during pregnancy, giving birth and postpartum period. no help has been rendered at all. not that i’m expecting anything, but i feel like she cant expect anything from me too after all?
when i just gave birth to my 1st, during the hospital visit, she kept on asking if my tetek (breast in malay) are producing enough milk. “oh baby nangis, nak tetek la tu” (oh baby is crying, baby wants the breast) it was traumatising and it gave me unnecessary stress and shame. and that wasnt the 1st time she talked about it. the 1st time happened during dinner whereby my FIL, SIL was at the table. and there she was, asking whether i think i’m able to produce milk to breastfeed the baby. she gave honey to the baby when baby was only 2-3months old. this was done without my knowledge. she didnt even tell us or ask permission. when i got pregnant with the 2nd, we told her not to share the news with other extended family members. idk what happened, but suddenly her phone was shoved into my tummy area (to show the 2nd unborn child) to someone she was videocalling. so for my 3rd pregnancy, i chose not to share it with her. so the first time i met her after a while, (i was alr showing by then), she immediately walked up to me, touched and rubbed my tummy. it definitely made me uncomfortable bcse generally i’m someone who doesnt like to be touched. and even then, she kept on asking my husband if i’m pregnant despite my husband telling her “no” repeatedly. and after all that, now the kids are out. she kept on saying how my boys looks like her nephew. not like me or my husband, and we’re the parents. it went on for 6-7 years, from the moment i gave birth to my 1st up till now, and she finds the need to mention it every single time we visit her.
and when my husband talked about this issue, about how she needs to stop repeating how my children looks like her nephew bcse its been going on for years now. she labelled me (the DIL) as someone who’s sensitive. someone who’s difficult bcse i’m very particular about things that’s being said. how i’m disrespectful bcse i didnt bring my kids to her as much as she likes us to.
so AITA for not wanting to bring my kids around a person who cant respect boundaries at the end of the day?