I am married with a newborn and my mom does not respect the boundary that I have set. I am always being verbally attacked and it is affect me and my husband. The first time this happened was 6 weeks postpartum and it happened again. I do not have the appetite to eat and i feel nauseous. It is taking toll on me and i need help.
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Hi @user1534
Firstly, Congratulations on becoming a new mother 
It is one of the most rewarding yet difficult period in a young couple’s life journey and understandably takes a lot of energy, courage and dedication.
Navigating the complexities of family dynamics, especially after welcoming a newborn, can be indeed challenging. It’s crucial to prioritise your mental health and establish boundaries that protect your well-being and that of your family.
It’s important to acknowledge how you’re feeling. I agree that experiencing verbal attacks and a lack of respect for your boundaries can lead to significant stress, anxiety, and even physical symptoms like nausea and loss of appetite. These reactions are valid, especially during such a vulnerable time as postpartum recovery.
Understandably, constant verbal conflict can lead to feelings of inadequacy and frustration, affecting both your mental health and your relationship with your husband.
Stress can manifest physically, making it hard to eat or feel well. It’s essential to address these symptoms by seeking support.
Hence, establishing clear boundaries with your mother is vital for your well-being. Here are some steps you can take to emphasise and maintain boundaries:
a)Communicate Clearly: Have an open conversation with your mother about the specific behaviors that are bothering you. Use “I” statements to express how her actions affect you (e.g., “I feel overwhelmed when…”).
b)Be Firm but Kind: It’s okay to be assertive about what you need. Let her know what is acceptable and what isn’t without being confrontational. For example, “I appreciate your input, but I need to make my own decisions regarding parenting.”
c)Involve Your Partner: Ensure that your husband is on the same page regarding the boundaries you want to set. It can be helpful for him to communicate these boundaries as well, reinforcing a united front.
d)Limit Interaction: If necessary, consider reducing the frequency of visits or phone calls until you feel more comfortable managing the relationship.
e)Prepare for Pushback: Understand that it may take time for your mother to adjust to these new boundaries. Be prepared for potential resistance and remain consistent in reinforcing your needs.
Consider speaking with a therapist or counsellor who can help you process these feelings and develop coping strategies. Joining support groups for new parents can provide a sense of community and understanding as you navigate these challenges.
Prioritise activities that help you relax and recharge, whether it’s taking walks, practicing mindfulness, or engaging in hobbies that bring you joy.
Setting boundaries with family members can be difficult but is essential for maintaining your mental health as a new parent. Remember that it’s okay to prioritise yourself and your family’s needs during this time. If the situation does not improve despite your efforts, consider seeking professional guidance or support from trusted friends who understand what you’re going through. You deserve a supportive environment as you navigate this new chapter in your life.
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Hey @user1534
Congrats on entering this new chapter in life!
Transition to parenthood is definitely not easy, and also sounds like your interaction with your mom during this period of time wasn’t helping you to cope with this transition. I could imagine how tough it is for you 
I can imagine that by coming here to this platform also means a lot for you to share your vulnerabilities. I am wondering if you would like to explore approaching the nearest Family Service Centre (FSC) for help? FSC is a government funded programme by MSF to support families in need in the community, and staff by a team of social workers and counsellors.
Noting that you have started to experience the loss of appetite and nauseous, I’m truly concern! Let me share this resource with you here, you can explore and engage the nearest FSC to share your struggles and see how it can be of help to you and your husband 
sorry that u gg thru this, ive toxic old man too. Jiayo