Postpartum depression

I just gave birth 6months ago. I went through so much traumas and pain passed 6 months. after few incidents, I have realised my partner was too concerned about me and my health. I am 24/7 Housewife and taking care of my baby. I didn’t expecting anything from partner except taking care the baby after me for some time to have some rest. Sometimes I’m really confusing about his attitude and character towards me. Sometimes he cares so much , some day he’ll ignored totally. In between I’m struggling a lot with my baby. I often go through headache due to over-stress. There’s no point sit and talk to him. Eventually he’ll don’t mind at all. What should I Do ?? I have no time to take care of myself at all. I used to be a happy girl before my marriage. Now, my life turns up and down. He always focus his work rather then my happiness. Not even willing to come up and talk to me when I down. He’ll approach when I’m emotionally breakdown and shed tears. Recently I’m very frustrated and arguing for this hurting me mentally with him. He never apologised for his behaviour and continues to do his daily life routines. What I have to do ?? How to calm and ignore from all negativity and ignorance. It hurts when I know the person I love the most in the world doing the things against me. I know it’s really hard to overcome. I’m trying harder to change my mind but still I can’t . I’m very tired. I left my entire thing to build a family . But , I left alone in the house. I don’t want to break the family. I want my baby to live in happy environment. All I need is a solution

Dear Shavish23,

My heart goes out to you, dear one! It sounds like you’re going through a really tough time, and I’m so sorry that you’re feeling ignored, unheard, and unappreciated by your partner. Big hug to you! Sending much love and compassion to you.

Firstly, please know that you’re not alone, and many women face similar struggles in their relationships and post-partum is typically a very challenging time for young couples, especially if they just had their first child. Know that it’s amazing that you’re recognizing your own needs and seeking help - that takes a lot of courage! Might I ask if the hospital has been following up with you with regards to your mental and emotional well-being? If not, could I encourage you to please reach out to them both for your mental/emotional well-being and also if you need help with the care of your newborn. Post-partum difficulties with care are well-known to healthcare professionals and they will be well-positioned to offer some help/resources/tips.

Given your current situation, here are some suggestions:

  1. Self-care:
  • Sleep. Sleep deprivation is often the number one complaint of new mothers. Who would have known such a tiny being would need so much care and attention, right?! Without adequate sleep, we dysregulate easily and things can seem so much worse than it really is. So, you will need to prioritize sleep/rest. When baby sleeps, you sleep. Forget about the housework, sleep/rest first. If you can get friends/family to come in to help with baby care, meals, housework, even better then you can sleep in peace.

  • Shower: A basic need of every one of us is often neglected by new mothers. Arrange for someone to look after baby while you shower in peace daily. This is something you can verbalise to your partner, “please take care of baby when I shower”.

  • Eat: Eating well is paramount to new mothers, especially if you are nursing or expressing milk. Please ensure that you are eating adequate, healthy, balanced and nutritious food. If your partner can cook (that would be awesome!), if food can be ordered, or if a friend/family can send food order, it might help immensely! Or if you enjoy or prefer cooking, can someone watch baby while you do so? This is something that you can sort out with your partner.

  • Go outside: Being cooped up at home with a baby for extended periods of time can do a number on our sense of well-being. If you can, go out for walks with baby in a pram/stroller. Being outside, moving, in nature, can uplift ones spirits and relieve one of feeling stuck at home. While outside, you may also interact with other people like stall owners or neighbours. Sometimes having conversations with other adults is what many new mothers, especially stay-at-home mothers, crave for.

  • Find tiny pockets of time for yourself, even if it’s just 5-10 minutes a day. Take a warm bath, read a book, or practice deep breathing exercises.

  1. Communicate assertively: When you do talk to your partner, use “I” statements to express your feelings and needs. Avoid blaming or accusing language. Practice letting your partner know what you need, for example, “I am feeling exhausted. Let’s do up a roster and we can take turns to attend to baby for night feeds”.

  2. Set boundaries: Establish clear expectations for your needs, like help with baby care or emotional support. Do note that your partner is also a new father and he might not know how to help or know what you need. For some fathers, it can be a perplexing and confusing time as well so try and let him know clearly and simple what you need, for example, “please bathe baby” or “please hold baby while I eat”.

  3. Seek support outside: Reach out to friends, family, or online communities for emotional support and connection. Wonder if you have any support from family and friends? Having people over to help with meals, housework or just to watch baby while you rest/sleep can do wonders.

  4. Consider couples therapy: A professional can help you both communicate more effectively and work through your issues.

  5. Prioritize your well-being: Remember that your happiness matters, too! Make time for activities that bring you joy and help you recharge.

Above all, Shavish23, you deserve to be heard, seen, and loved! Don’t give up - keep seeking solutions and support until you find what works for you and your family.

Keep in mind that it’s okay to take things one step at a time, and don’t hesitate to reach out when you need guidance or just someone to talk to. You got this, mama!