Motherhood

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I’m a mum of 2. Love my kids to bits but there are days where I feel so alone. Friends are of different phase of life, they moved on to other things because I don’t have time for them. Mum takes care of my siblings kids, in laws do whatever they want but never asked what help or how I feel. Husband is like, if there is help I should complain. I use to hate it and be like it’s fine I can watch the kids myself, but slowly, I don’t have any time for myself, I work mon to fri 9 to 6 then spend the evening taking care of the kids with my husband( which I feel like we are co workers now) weekends are also for my kids. The only time I get my husband is if we take leave which is seldom because we are conserving leaves when kids are sick…..

Colleagues at work are always having after hours events or trips and I’m always like I can’t I need to watch the kids. I can only do work day trips I need to be around home. I feel like a burden.

feel like I’m falling into depression or am I just thinking I’m depressed but I’m not. What should I do

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Hey @user3060. Thank you for sharing so honestly. I can feel how much you love your kids, and at the same time, how you’re longing to feel seen in all that you carry.

It sounds like you’re constantly giving and holding space for everyone… at work, at home, with your kids, and somewhere along the way, your own needs have been left behind. That quiet kind of loneliness, especially when you’re surrounded by people but still feel invisible, can be so heavy.

When you mentioned feeling like co-worker with your husband… that hit hard. It’s such a painful shift when the partnership starts feeling more like logistics than connection.

You deserve more than just getting through each day. You deserve space to feel like a person again, not just a role you fill.

You asked if you’re falling into depression or just imagining it. I’m not here to diagnose, but I do hear that you’re exhausted, overwhelmed, and feeling alone, and that’s more than enough reason to reach out and care for yourself gently.

If you’re open, here are a few gentle ideas, not as fixes, but just small steps back towards yourself:

  • Could you schedule a regular pocket of “you” time, even if it’s 15-30 minutes a week to do something that refuels you?

  • Maybe there’s a motherhood support group, online or in-person, where other mums just get it. You don’t have to explain the guilt, the tiredness, the joy, the chaos.

  • Could a convo with your husband help? Maybe not to complain, but to say: “I’m not okay, and I don’t want to keep drifting like co-workers. Can we figure this out together?”

Please know you’re not failing. You matter too, not just as a mother or a wife or a worker, but as a whole human being. And you don’t have to wait till you break to get the support you deserve.

You’re just in need of love and care, the kind you so freely give others, but also deeply deserve yourself :sunflower:

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Hey @user3060 Motherhood is a very transformative phase which comes with lot of emotional, physical, and identity shifts. We hear you. It feels like such a lonely place to be. You are not alone. Thank you so much for sharing your concerns so openly and coming forward to seek help.

Handling two kids at the same time with very limited help is extremely challenging and you are doing the best you can with whatever resources you have available. But you do need some time for yourself too.

While you might be carrying a heavy feeling that you are a burden to others, Just know that you are going through a very big transitional phase and being a very caring mum to your lovely kids and making every effort to be there with them. However, you deserve some care too.

If you feel you are falling into depression, it might be very helpful and beneficial to reach out to a professional to seek help. Just spending some time with them might be soothing and energizing.

Meanwhile, you could try taking short periods for yourself starting with just doing whatever that interests you for a few mins or you might consider joining your colleagues for shorter duration while working out a schedule with your husband perhaps without feeling guilty about it.

Another thing you could potentially try is a self-soothing activity, where you could pick 10-15 mins in a day visualizing a safe place and try recalling everything you hear, see, smell, taste when you are in that safe place. Then you could try keeping a jar and start filling it with objectives or pictures that remind you of that safe space.

You deserve to be cared for, supported and understood. You do not have to navigate this journey alone.

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Dear @user3060

Thank you for writing in and sharing what you are experiencing. I believe many working mothers can resonate with what you are going through.

I hear you, and want to assure that you’re not alone and what you’re feeling is completely valid. You’ve been showing up for everyone around you, without excuses and this intense dedication is indeed tiring. Understandably you are feeling unseen, unheard and under supported. It’s okay to say, “I need a moment.”

I gather that you are someone who gives a lot of love, care, and strength in all that you do. However, this constant giving drains our battery. It empties our cups. We thus need to recharge and fill our cup. I have observed that even the strongest people need space to rest and be held too.

It also sounds like you’ve been carrying a lot quietly, and that takes an emotional toll. Please know that you deserve support, understanding, and time for yourself. You deserve to feel like more than just someone who holds things together.

@ScribblingSunflower has shared some suggestions you may want to consider. Caring for self and spending more time with your husband doing activities you both enjoy may help bring some degree of balance in your life.
@Lotus2222 too has shared some suggestions for consideration. Setting aside time for friends and colleagues is an important avenue of social support.
Please don’t walk through this alone. You matter. And you deserve to feel cared for too, always. Please do take some small steps to slowly reclaim balance. Reach out to the community here whenever needed. :yellow_heart:

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Hi @user3060,

Thank you for your honesty and for sharing how tough things have been lately.

You come across as a deeply caring mother, and it’s completely understandable that you’re struggling and feeling low. I can only imagine how painful it must be for your relationship to start feeling more like a coworking arrangement than a partnership — and to not be receiving the support you need from your family.

I’m really sorry to hear that you’re feeling alone and disconnected from the things you want and need — like time with friends, support at home and with the kids, or simply some space for yourself outside of these roles.

Even though you’re a mother, you’re also you — a person, separate from the many roles you fill as a parent or worker. It’s so important for your wellbeing to have that adult social connection and time to do things that are just for you.

Have you been able to talk to anyone about how you’re feeling? Maybe your mum, a friend, or even a therapist? Sometimes the people around us don’t realise we’re struggling unless we tell them — and they may want to support you more than you know.

I understand things are incredibly full right now, but if there’s even 10 minutes in your day to do something just for you, whether it’s calling a friend, reading a few pages of a book, or simply taking a quiet moment, it could be a small way to reconnect with yourself and gently recharge.

You deserve to feel understood, and supported. I hope you are able to find moments for yourself.

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Hello @user3060, I’m really sorry you’re feeling this way. Being a mum is such a huge, nonstop job, and it’s completely normal to feel overwhelmed and alone sometimes. Especially when it feels like the people around you aren’t really seeing or supporting what you’re going through.

Feeling like a burden or isolated, even when you’re working hard both at your job and at home, is really tough. It doesn’t mean you’re weak or failing. It just means you need some space and support for yourself, which every parent deserves.

It could help to find small moments just for you, even if it’s just a few minutes a day, to do something that helps you recharge. Even a short walk, reading, or a quiet cup of tea. Also, it might be worth trying to gently share with your husband how you’re feeling, if you can, so he knows you need more support and connection.

If these feelings are sticking around and making it hard to function or enjoy life, it might be a good idea to talk to a professional counselor or therapist. They can help you work through these emotions and find ways to balance your needs with everything else.

You’re doing an amazing job, even if it doesn’t feel like it. You deserve care and kindness, including from yourself.