I just celebrated my daughter’s first birthday and am feeling so happy and proud of how far i’ve come but there is a lot of suppressed emotions in me. I end up crying quietly when im alone or crying myself to sleep and i can’t help it.
I constantly feel like im invisible especially after giving birth to my daughter. Because all the attention has shifted to my daughter, whatever that i do for my daughter is seen as what is expected of me as a mother. It’s not that i’m unhappy doing things for my daughter. I love my daughter so much. I just want to be seen. Especially by my in laws. Ever since i became a mother, i don’t feel appreciated at all by them. I don’t want to sound sensitive but i really have so much on my plate, especially since my husband is working overseas for this year. It’s been hard being a solo parent to a child who just turned one year old, while managing being a new mother. Im already struggling with managing my new identity but it seems like my in laws are not actually supportive despite them thinking and claiming that they are. Their passive aggressiveness and assumptions and judgements of the way i care for my daughter takes a toll on me. And to be very honest, i don’t even think my in laws know me for who i am. They never bother asking me how my days were or how i am. Whenever i share something about what i did or something that happened, they never extended the conversation and i end up talking to myself. Sometimes, they even cut me off by changing the topic and i feel so shitty about myself. It feels difficult explaining this to my husband as he is not around most times. I try to maintain ties with my in laws even when my husband is not around by bringing my daughter to meet them fortnightly (and sometimes even more frequent than that) but i always end up feeling so negative after meeting them.
I constantly ask myself if it’s just me feeling extra sensitive or is this post natal depression. I feel so alone and invisible even though there are people around me. I accidentally read a message that my sister in law sent to my husband saying that i might be extra sensitive. I felt hurt. Is this really just about me being extra sensitive?
I stopped working to care for my daughter willingly. But also because my husband is furthering his studies and i didn’t want my daughter to miss out on one parent at such a young age. I want to always be there for her and i have no regrets. I sacrificed everything to allow my husband to pursue his dream. I know my husband appreciates my sacrifices and loves me a lot. I have no issues with my husband but i just cannot put up with the negative feelings that i have towards my in laws.
What do i do? I always think that if im constantly not seen, perhaps i should just disappear? Will it help them realise how much i’ve done so far then?