Am i falling into depression?

Ask a Therapist Is This Normal?
1

I am 5 months pospartum.
Me and hubby married for the pass 8 years and finally we got a son.
Me and husband have been leaving together ourselves for the pass 3 years, before that we stayed with my dad, (my parents are divorced so as my husbands) as he had an extra room. Now 2 months prior giving birth, my brother in law, decided that he sell their 3 room flat and upgrade. Prior that my mum in law has been staying with them. Now that they have gotten their new 4 room flat, while awaiting renovation works, mum in law stayed with us.

Now heres the thing, i am 6 -7 months pregnant, i had to see another person staying in my household, she wants to cook everyday, so i had to clean up her mess after she cooks. I am not used to all this and feels tired everyday having to clean up after her, even when she eats and drink, crumbs and her coffee stains. I had to clean it up.

Till one day, i thought to myself maybe with this stress and maybe overworked my amniotic sac broke 8 months early into pregnancy. So then came my son… he had to go nicu as he was prematurely born and lungs wasnt that good…i didnt get my skin to skin nor i get to see my son post giving birth, i was so sad. I went to and fro to the hospital daily to see my son post discharge, just so i could try skin to skin and to explore breastfeed with him.

Then one day, he is discharge. So i was hoping my own mum could stay a week at my home to care for me, but no because mil is there, my own mum couldnt take it staying in the same room and bed. So i didnt get much of my own mum own mums cooking. That saddens me.

So months later, i get very depressed and sad, as my mil is there, prevented many things for me, my dad couldnt come as often, she just gets in the way of everything i dreamt of, unable to have a nursery room for my son, my family cant come as freely anymore. I become so sad, i coop up the the room, everytime i see my mil, i want to avoid her and i dont even want to see her. I feel its so unfair, shes leaving in my house. Everyday its like a crime if she doesnt see my baby. And there another issue i dont want her to spend so much time with my baby. I longed for my closeness with my baby and i dont want others to have that.

Even when i go out, she will die die go out and want to see me or my baby out. I feel i have no more privacy and i will die die must face her. Even if shes in the toilet she would quickly go out knowing im going out. Just to see my baby out.

I tired if her living in my home. It seems like she staying here forever, not going back to my brother in laws place. I cant have the bonding i want with just my son and hubby. Please advise, sometimes i cry suddenly, sometimes i feel like harming myself, like thinking what it would be like if i really die. But when i look at my son, i start to cry. My husband doesnt understand me. Its his mum.

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Hi @user781, I’m really sorry to hear that you’re going through such a difficult time, it must be so overwhelming for you. I can see that you’re facing many challenges and experiencing lots of emotions during this postpartum period, and I want you to know that you’re not alone – it’s entirely valid to feel the way you do.

I am so proud of you for seeking help – it’s a sign of strength, not weakness. You are a strong, wonderful person and I am glad that you came here to reach out for help. As a mother myself, I believe that you have been trying your best to manage and you need the extra emotional support – that’s why this community is here. I want to affirm your efforts, you’re in the right place.

I also want to encourage you firstly, to seek professional help to provide you with the necessary guidance and support, to navigate through these challenges. While I can’t diagnose or assess on this platform, it’s important to note that postpartum depression can look different for everyone – but it is a real and treatable condition. Many mothers find relief and improvement through therapy when they seek professional help, and in some cases, when they receive medical treatment too. Please do try to reach out to a therapist of counsellor who specializes in postpartum issues as they can provide you with a safe space to express your feelings, learn coping strategies, and work through the challenges you’re facing.

The next possible thing you can try to do is to communicate with your husband. It’s essential to have an open and honest conversation with your husband about your feelings. You could let him know how his mother’s presence is affecting you and the importance of your emotional well-being during this time. You could also encourage him to be more supportive and understanding.

You could also try to set boundaries with your mother-in-law, explaining your need for space and privacy. You can gently and kindly ask her to respect your alone time with your baby and create a schedule that allows for everyone to have their space in the home. You can also try to find a balance that allows your mother-in-law to be involved without feeling overwhelmed.

One tool you can try when having difficult conversations with your husband or mother-in-law : https://mindline.sg/youth/?wysa_tool_id=resolve_conflict

Last but not least, please do prioritize your own self-care. Self-care activities can help you to relax and reduce your stress. Some things you can try are:

Most importantly, if you ever feel like harming yourself, please reach out to a crisis hotline or seek immediate medical help. Your safety is the top priority, and there are professionals available 24/7 to provide assistance.

Again, I affirm you that you are not alone in your struggles, and there is help available to support you through this challenging time. Please take care.

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