Toxic Environment

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Some of my family members are very toxic. They make it a point to interfere with everything and everyone. This causes others to fell very suffocated. Since these toxic members are elders,the younger ones in the family feel there is too much controlling and they are not able to live as they would want to. I also feel the same. Many a times I feel like leaving home and staying alone but I am not financially independent so am dependent on others. I feel very disturbed that I am not able to help myself or my kids…

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Hi @anonymous97

I want to thank you for being so open with us about your struggles, because it takes so much courage to be so vulnerable here - and I commend you for that. I can imagine how incredibly tough it is to navigate a family dynamic that feels suffocating and controlling, especially when the source of that control comes from older family members. The impact it has on everyone’s sense of freedom and individuality is understandably distressing - so it makes sense to feel disturbed by this, feeling as though you’re not living the life you wish to, especially due to this influence, I can imagine it would create a huge emotional burden.

The desire to leave home and gain independence is a natural response when the environment feels constraining, and I understand that financial dependence can become a barrier to taking that step. I hear that you wish to create a different, more liberated environment for yourself and your children, but the circumstances make it challenging to do so.

Your feelings are valid, and I encourage you to recognize the stress and conflict arising from these family dynamics. It’s important to take care of yourself, even in situations where the ability to change the circumstances immediately might not be feasible.

Perhaps exploring potential ways to set boundaries or seek support, even within these constraints, can be a helpful first step. Is there anyone outside the family whom you trust and could confide in? Sometimes, external support from friends, community resources, or counseling services can offer guidance on managing these difficult family situations.

I encourage you to reach out for support from a mental health professional, to discuss specific strategies to help you manage your situation. Here are some online options that might be helpful for you:

  1. Limitless : Talk To Someone - Limitless
  2. CPH chat : https://www.cphonlinecounselling.sg/hc/en-us
  3. IMH CHAT : https://www.imh.com.sg/CHAT/Pages/default.aspx
  4. ec2.sg : https://fycs.org/ec2-sg

While it might feel overwhelming right now, perhaps acknowledging your feelings and seeking ways to maintain your well-being and that of your children, within the current limitations, is a courageous and foundational step.

I want to affirm you - that you’re not alone in this, and there might be strategies or resources that could help alleviate some of the distress caused by the family dynamics. If you’re comfortable, please consider exploring further options or discussing how to cope with these circumstances with a friend or a mental health professional.

Please do keep us updated on how you’re coping after reaching out to the professional, we’ll be here to support you.

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