i stay with my parents and my siblings have moved out many years ago, i have a pet so it became my responsibility after my siblings moved out even though it wasn’t my decision to own it, as much as i love my pet. it is physically tiring and draining when my parents do not take care of it (my mum helps with cleaning up and its food) but leaves all the responsibilities to me, (the walking, care etc) especially even i have work and they choose to go overseas as well. they will also always complain about how we should just give it away or put him somewhere far away and see if it’ll come back?? when i come home my mum will always complain about how tiring life is in general and it is super draining to me because i, myself am tired and she has never really asked about me and if she did, its usually surface level conversations so as much as i love them, it’s difficult staying together with them. it’s not like i have a choice to move out at the moment too and i cannot shirk away the responsibility of having a pet as well. listening to peers around me talk about how when they want a break, they want to go back to their parents’ home and how they don’t have any responsibilities in their own home makes me envious because being in my own home makes me have so much more responsibilities compared to living alone on my own
Hey @mello
I hear how overwhelmed, drained, and suffering you feel by the constant responsibilities that have been placed on you, especially when it feels like you’re being held hostage to do everything and the irony of listening to your parents’ suffering when, in fact, you are the one who is suffering in silence. It’s understandable that it would be exhausting, and it makes sense that you feel emotionally drained when your needs aren’t being considered or acknowledged.
I noticed you mentioned feeling envious of your peers who don’t have these same responsibilities when they go home. That sounds like it comes from a deep place of longing for more space to breathe and take care of your own emotional needs, as you are already working hard and using your time for others rather than for yourself.
I want to affirm the feeling of frustration and tiredness is completely valid. You are doing your best in a situation that’s not easy, and I believe that’s a strength. ** You are managing all of this, and it’s okay to acknowledge that this is a lot for anyone to handle.
I wonder if it might help to gently express to your parents how overwhelming everything feels for you. You don’t have to do it all at once, but maybe starting a conversation about the weight of your responsibilities and how you would appreciate some shared support might help them understand what you’re going through.
It is interesting to hear that listening to peers around you talk “about how when they want a break, they want to go back to their parents’ home and how they don’t have any responsibilities in their own home”, actually makes me envious as well!. The reality is, from a personal experience, when I moved out, I had to be responsible for everything with my own place; fixing and repairing , housekeeping, laundry, dishes and taking the dog out for a walk, cleaing up after the dog etc…
You’re not alone in this, and I know it may feel like you are right now, but there are people who can offer help or understanding if you feel ready to reach out. How would it feel to explore talking to someone who could offer support, whether it’s a close friend, a ccounsellor or someone who could validate your feelings?
Please remember to take care of yourself, and know that you deserve a chance to rest, feel heard, and take time for your own emotional well-being. You matter, and your feelings are important. We can see that it is hard not to compare, and yet the comparison makes everything look unbearable.
If you ever want to talk more or just need to vent, We are here to listen. Take care of yourself.
It sounds like you’re carrying a lot on your plate right now, and it’s understandable that it’s becoming overwhelming. It’s difficult when you feel like you’re the one handling responsibilities that you didn’t fully choose, especially when those around you aren’t helping as much as you need. It’s especially draining when you’re dealing with your own fatigue while also managing the emotional weight of your parents’ complaints, which can add another layer of stress.
I get what you mean about the dynamics with your mom too. I’ve struggled with high stress and anxiety in the past, and I had a friend who would constantly complain. I tried to be the positive one, always trying to brighten the mood, but it became so draining after a while. If it helps, you could try talking it out with your mom—letting her know how you’re feeling and asking her to be more considerate of your emotional space. You could also suggest exploring healthier ways of managing her stress or reframing her thoughts. But, if that feels too much, sometimes it’s okay to just step back and ignore the complaints to protect your own energy.
It’s tough when you’re caught between wanting to help and needing to protect yourself. Maybe, if you can, try to carve out small moments for yourself—even if it’s just for a brief rest or some time to recharge, even if it’s difficult to take.
You’ve got a lot of responsibility, and it’s important to find ways to take care of yourself too. It’s okay to acknowledge that this situation is hard, and it’s valid to feel like you need a break from everything. You’re doing the best you can with what you have! 