I’m so so exhausted with everything. My family, myself, my school, my life, my religion. I just don’t wanna go through this anymore. I feel like such a bad sibling. I don’t really feel like explaining but alot has just been happening and I’m slowly watching my older brother turn into my father. Yelling, beating, petty, superiority. Everyone is so petty in this house. So selfish. Thinking they’re better than everyone else. We are your children. I hate it so much when parents get lazy at caring for their children. Why do I have to step up. Why is nobody else stepping up. Am I the older one or ? Everyone is so dissociated from each other. Are we even family. I’m actually so dead at home. I’m so sick of this. I was so happy alone at home just now. I felt so comfortable now I just wanna die haha. Please if you ever wanna have kids please properly be ready for it. Don’t let your kids grow up neglected. I personally will not have kids because I just can’t do it. Please be self aware and keep it in your pants.
HI @user0943 . I know how you feel. The sad thing about growing up in such households is there is no connection at all.
I got into a similar realisation back when I attended a “family” wedding. It was like, everyone knew each other and had things to talk about except me and my sister. We were much younger back then, but we had to manage ourselves, keep ourselves engaged and “happy”. It’s not that we need their reception but just need a reason to feel connected. After close to 8 years post that incident, thoughts of that event still continue to disgust me.
As for me, my school and my religion were reasons why I am still sane. My school gave me a structured environment to be in for at least 6 hours in a day. My religion gave me a beacon of hope, that everything will get sorted out eventually. Even though, my secondary school was not the happiest place to be in, it was still far more structured and systematic than at home.
Correct me if I’m wrong, is your brother having to shoulder more responsibilities than before such as being “the captain of the ship”.
Ive been there before. Honestly, entertaining the thought that we are not part of the family can be sooooo empowering. Theoretically, we are supposed to belong but at the current point of time, that just needs a lot from our side.
I wish to refer you this book, called braving the wilderness by brene brown. It is more than just a self help book, it’s our survival guide. The audiobook and books are available in NLB and I strongly urge you to read it or listen to it. Not sounding too cheesy, but It can technically breathe life into you! After listening to the first chapter, I literally broke out into tears.
Atb, stay strong and get back on how it went!
hey @user0943, i just want to say i hear you. it sounds like you’re carrying way too much for anybody your age, and i’m really sorry you have to go through this 
. you deserve to feel safe, loved, and supported – not like you have to hold everything together on your own. it’s not fair, and it’s not your fault.
it makes sense that you’d feel exhausted and overwhelmed. living in a home where there’s yelling, neglect, and emotional distance will drain anyone. and what you said about watching your brother change and feeling like you’re the only one stepping up? that hit hard.
it’s not fair that the weight of the family is falling on your shoulders. you shouldn’t have to be the adult when the adults aren’t showing up how they should. that’s not your role, and you didn’t choose this. and you’re absolutely right: having kids is a huge responsibility that should never be taken lightly. children deserve care, presence, and patience – not to be left picking up the pieces of their parents’ emotional neglect / abuse.
if it feels okay, here are some small things you could try. not to “fix” everything, but maybe just to give yourself little pockets of peace or control when things feel out of hand:
- when you’re home, try carving out a tiny space / routine that feels solely yours. even if it’s just listening to music, journaling, watching a show, or reading a book, these little moments can provide a much-needed escape and remind you that you’re still your own person.
- if you’re open to it, you could try talking to a school counselor or mental health professional (even anonymously online). ik it seems really daunting, but doing so might help ease some of the weight. you shouldn’t have to deal with all of this alone.
- most of all, remind yourself that it’s okay to not take on more than you can handle. saying “i can’t do this” doesn’t make you weak – it means you’re human. it’s okay to pull back when you need to.
you’re doing your best to survive in an environment that’s hurting you, and that says a lot about your strength. that matters, and you matter. i’m really glad you shared all this. and you’re always welcome to talk more, even if it’s just to vent. you don’t have to go through this alone.
be gentle with yourself okie, and take care. i’m rooting for you 
Dear @user0943
Thank you for reaching out and sharing what you are going through. I can see how challenging it has been. Please know that it is fully understandable that you are finding it difficult and frustrating to move forward. Your sharing also shows you are a responsible, courageous and caring person.
From what you have described, it suggests to me that there is lack of connection and belonging in your family. It does sound that parents have been neglectful and not been carrying out their duties as main caregiver of your siblings and you.
This is indeed hurtful and you can’t help but feel alone and unsupported; your siblings and and you have been left to fend for yourselves. Brother and you have both been trying to step up into roles of responsibility that you should not be carrying.
Please consider reaching out to a school counsellor or a trusted school teacher with some urgency so that some help can be worked out for your siblings and you soon.
May I also check if there is an elder relative in the family you can reach out to share what has been happening and the state of neglect in your family.
Meanwhile @pinkskies has shared some strategies you can consider to cope with the situation before you.
Please keep us updated and continue reaching out here for support whenever needed. Please do not feel alone. I do believe the situation will improve soon so chin up dear @user0943. Continue to do what you can which is within your control. Please know that you matter. 