Let’s be honest. Pretty privilege is a thing. I’m not very attractive. My face is just ugly, I’m not thin enough. All my friends and classmates are slim and gorgeous and they always complain how they are so “fat”. I’m literally 10kg heavier and they say that as if they aren’t my goal of being attractive.
I lost 10kg last year from exercise and dieting and then I gained it all back again and I feel so much self hatred. Why did I gain it back? I felt so great at that weight. I can controll my weight but not my face or how smart I am so why did I let loose and eat so much.
I want to look better and be more attractive so that I am no longer the ugly friend in my friend group. Many “friends” also give back-handed jokes about my weight and proceed to say “it was just a joke”. Like no??? It’s not a joke and I’m hating you forever. But at the same time, my sick, twisted brain likes it because I can use that to work harder to lose weight.
Please help. I just want to be satisfied with my own weight and looks and not care about what others say. It’s so hard. I know what I’m doing is not healthy but the sense of euphoria and happiness when I see the number on the scale drop is unmatched.
I see how much you’re holding in, and I hear the exhaustion in your words. It’s not just about weight, is it? It’s about feeling like you have to prove your worth, that you need to fight just to feel like you belong. That no matter how much you change, something still feels missing.
There’s a lot of frustration here—not just at yourself, but at how people around you talk about their own bodies, how their words feel like they cut into you. You want to be seen, yet somehow it feels like your struggles are dismissed, like you’re standing on the outside looking in. That hurts. And then there’s the part of you that’s angry at yourself, wondering why you let yourself gain the weight back when it felt so good to lose it. I can feel how much that loss of control weighs on you.
What most strikes me is the tension between resenting the comments and using them as motivation. Knowing the way you’re going about it isn’t healthy, yet feeling trapped in it. Feeling like the only way to reclaim your confidence is through control, through numbers on a scale. Fighting that battle every day is exhausting.
I wonder, when you look at yourself, beyond the numbers, beyond how others see you—do you see yourself at all? Not just as someone who is “losing weight” or “gaining weight,” but as a person who has lived through so much, who has felt deeply, who has fought to be seen? Do you recognise yourself outside of what others make you feel?
I’m not here to tell you what to do or to fix this overnight. But I want to hold space for all of it—the frustration, the anger, the sadness, the exhaustion. You don’t have to carry it alone. And when you’re ready, we can take small steps together—not to force you into self-love, but to help you see yourself again. Because you’re still here. And that matters.
Thank you for sharing your struggles so openly. It’s understandable to feel disheartened when your self-image and weight are affecting your self-esteem, especially when comparisons to friends and their comments add to the pressure. Your hard work in losing weight previously shows your dedication, and it’s natural to feel frustrated when progress feels undone. Remember, gaining weight back can happen for many reasons, and it’s important to show yourself the same kindness and understanding you would offer a friend in a similar situation.
Finding satisfaction with your weight and looks is a challenging journey, but it’s also a deeply personal one. It can be difficult not to internalize others’ comments, especially when they hurt.
Recognising the moments when you felt good about yourself is crucial. Focusing on your overall well-being and finding joy in activities that make you feel strong and confident can help shift the focus from external validation to self-empowerment. It’s a gradual process, and seeking support from trusted individuals or professional help can provide valuable guidance and encouragement along the way.
Best regards, Danial Asri
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