im really tired of living. i dont even know whats wrong with me anymore

Ask a Therapist Seeking Help
1

my mental health is on and off. sometimes ok sometimes bad. i have sleep paralysis problem as well. i went counselling 2years ago for 3months as i was really suicidal but i had to shrug it off as i thought of my family, but i realised i shouldn’t think about them only. i felt extremely useless and done with living. my fam never understands when my mental health is bad as they always assumed that it was because of academic stress or not enough sleep. these became reasons why i gave up on myself and lived as a “puppet” for them. i had to fake it all and im tired now. at the start of this year, i decided to open up to my family as i was crying and self harming everyday because i had terrible sleep paralysis everyday. i was scolded instead. they said things like “did u purposely act because u want to skip school” “u never do homework is it?” “how is life tough for u when u only have school and i have work, isnt my life harder?” hearing those makes me felt like a burden and from then on i decided to hide my feelings. i hate this. i just wanna disappear from this world. i honestly just want to lie on my bed doing nothing. im tired of forcing myself to wake up eat sleep shower. i dont even have the energy to do anything. they will never understand me i guess. i really cant take it anymore. i really longed to be happy…life isnt going well at all. oh yea, i have been having sleep paralysis evr since around 2020 and started hallucinating a lot. how i wish i could die from my sleep paralysis. i hate me. i cant go out alone as i have social anxiety. i cant even handle feedbacks or people badmouthing me. why am i so weak…i really dont know what to do now. i just want to imagine a world and forever live there.

4 Likes
2

Hi @user897

Thank you for taking the time to share with us your experiences and concerns. I’m truly sorry to hear about the deep struggles you’re experiencing. Your pain and the weight of carrying these burdens, especially when your family doesn’t seem to understand, must be incredibly difficult. It takes immense strength to have survived and coped with these challenges for so long, and I commend you for the courage to reach out.

Let’s continue to process this a little more:

  1. Have you found any healthy coping strategies that offer even temporary relief during these difficult times?
  2. Have you ever considered reaching out to a mental health professional or support group who might better understand and support you through these complex issues?

I can imagine that the dismissive attitude from your family must be incredibly disheartening, especially when your cry for help was met with misunderstanding and scolding. Feeling like a burden can deepen the emotional pain you’re already enduring. It’s so understandable that you’re exhausted from wearing a façade and hiding your true feelings.

I want to encourage you further that you are important, and you are strong. It’s so important to recognize that your struggles are valid, and they go beyond academic stress or lack of sleep. The emotional toll and the impact on your mental health, including the experience of sleep paralysis and hallucinations, deserve understanding and proper attention.

Can I encourage you to try out these tools that may help with the sleep and your thoughts?

It’s heartbreaking to hear how deeply you’re hurting and how the weight of social anxiety and the inability to handle criticism or feedback is affecting you. I want to affirm you - that struggling with these challenges doesn’t equate to weakness. These are battles that many individuals face, and it’s okay to seek help and support to navigate through them.

Considering the deep emotional pain and the struggles you’re encountering, it might be helpful to explore seeking professional help, whether that’s from a therapist, counselor, or mental health support group. These professionals can provide understanding and guidance, helping you find ways to cope and manage these feelings in a healthier manner. And also I sense that it might be overwhelming for you to go through this alone, so I encourage you to reach out to a mental health professional. Would you be able to do so please? I have some options for you, and I encourage you to contact them as soon as you can:

Onsite/Face-to-Face options:

Family Service Centres

Online options:

Limitless : Talk To Someone - Limitless
CPH chat : https://www.cphonlinecounselling.sg/hc/en-us
IMH CHAT : Home - CHAT
ec2.sg : https://fycs.org/ec2-sg

And most importantly, when you feel really overwhelmed or are in danger, please do contact these numbers immediately to keep you safe:

Last but not least, your longing for a happier and more peaceful existence is completely understandable. I want you to know that there are pathways to healing and support, even if they may seem obscured at this moment. Your life is so valuable, and there are people and resources available to support you through these challenging times.

Please don’t give up on yourself. We’re rooting for you.

Keep us updated on how you’re coping, okay? Hear from you soon.

1 Like
3

thank you for taking ur time and giving me comforts. i will try my best to seek help from counsellors and will be stronger.

1 Like
4

Have you seen a doctor for your sleep paralysis? It sounds quite serious.

5

nope. i told my fam about it and they said that its because of collective stress so i had given up about confronting them. i just try my best to fight through it

1 Like
6

It must be frustrating for you to get brushed off like this. Have you considered seeing a doctor on your own?

7

yea but i dont think i can since im only 15

1 Like
8

Maybe you could try going through your school counselor again or even some of the options above to get a referral to a psychiatrist. Besides your parents, do you have siblings or other trusted adults that can help you?

1 Like