Inferiority complex + indifference

Hangouts Rants
1

Feels like my inferiority complex has started to come back at full force recently, due to the start of a new poly sem, yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

Every night when I sleep, it echoes in my head that I suck. Every time I try to start my assignments, it tells me that I’ll never match up to the others, and I’ll get paralysed by these thoughts, unable to continue my task and start to doomscroll to distract myself.

It’s so utterly comical that I’m unable to move past this.

And every time I take a step to try to affirm myself that I’m not that bad at what I do, I flub my tasks and mess them up for myself in front of others. What the hell am I even doing?

Small, insignificant matters of late also tank my self esteem. Like who cares?? I don’t?? But yet??? They keep echoing in my head???

For example, in my usual school friend group, a few of them got selected to do special stuff for the school, while the rest of the cohort who weren’t chosen would do something else. Idk why I keep thinking about why I wasn’t chosen, as if my skills were ever that great. I’m literally as average as could get. I’m not even sure why I’m so worked up over this.

And another issue that has been eating me from the inside lately is my indifference towards certain things. I’m not even sure if indifference is the word to even describe it, but..?

There was a module where they told us to pick something we’d like to do branding for. They said everything was free game; we could pick whatever we wanted. For most people, this is great, but for me? It’s terrible. I don’t know what I want to do. I couldn’t pick. A lot of people chose to do it for things they were passionate about, like for their side business or hobby, or some people were just vaguely interested in a brand they wanted to emulate, but for me, I had nothing. I don’t even know.

And in another module, we also had to pick a topic for ourselves, and that they advised us to pick topics we cared about, as it would be a longggg project, and also the fact that it was our Final year project, to be displayed at the grad show maybe.

I randomly picked a topic, and did my research and the usual stuff to present for consultation, and was immediately called out by my lecturer. He figured that I didn’t really care for my topic, and gave me the whole spiel about choosing a topic I cared about so that I would have more energy and passion to keep me going throughout the whole thing.

But I don’t know what I like. I don’t care for most things. He was more enthusiastic about the topic I randomly thought of than my initial idea, so I felt that I might stick with that, but I still feel like I don’t care all that much about the topic. I feel 0 affinity with any of the topics brought up.

I feel like ignoring this problem wouldn’t really help, but I’m not even sure where to even start tackling this :skull:

2

I understand how you must be feeling right now it can be exhausting to constantly fight those thoughts that tell you you’re not enough. Semester 2 of poly is a fresh start, and you may have new goals, both academically and outside of academics. What you’re describing, the overthinking and constantly comparing yourself with your peers, suggests that you may be overly stressed. It can be daunting to see your peers being more successful than you, while you may feel like you are never progressing, and that is normal. But what you are seeing is just the fruits of their labour and not the time and effort they put in to achieve something even though it may look effortless. Maybe for now, instead of trying to force motivation or meaning, focus on being kind to yourself, write your goals down on a piece of paper and list ways on how you will work towards it, set realistic goals. You could start by asking for help from your friends such as asking them how they found out they were passionate in what they do and how they did it. You can do this.