Struggling with jealousy, lousy internship and others

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Im currently Y3 poly student and I’m finally nearing the end of my 6 month internship. For some context, my cohort had to find our own internships, and if not we were to get assigned to a random company by our lecturers. My desired company did not respond in time (just a day late :cry: ), so I was unfortunately assigned to random company.

The current cause of my issue plaguing me lately is that I don’t think I have learnt much during my internship. All I did there was creating posters for the company, over and over again for the past few months; other than 2 minor tasks, so that they can say that they’ve given me something that had me apply what I’ve learnt in poly so far. But when I look over at my friends and other peers, they all got to work on cool and big things, and actually get to learn new things and apply their skills, while i sit at my desk everyday, doing one poster after another.

When I hear their stories of how happy they are and how fun their internship is, I can feel the jealousy eating away at me. Sometimes I even wish something horrible happens to them just because.

I love my friends a lot, and understand why I’m feeling this way, but it’s just too much. I think about all these too often, causing me to feel awful and disgustingly jealous of them for hours on end. I just want it to stop.

It makes me feel even worse if I start to think about “what if I tried to negotiate with my lecturer to let me change my company at that time? Maybe I would actually be learning something.”, a missed opportunity because I couldn’t be bothered to fight for it.

It got worse after a recent visit from my internship lecturer, who stated that during my post-internship presentation, I can talk about my poster design process, since I can’t possibly just show them my posters during the whole presentation duration, which cemented that, at least in my head, I’ve done nothing noteworthy. Maybe because in my head, nobody cares about the process. My designs really do suck too. I don’t even like my own work. Making the posters is also incredibly boring to me. I feel like I don’t even care.

At some point, even uploading our weekly work reports to our class padlet reminds me that my peers have been doing a variety of stuff, but whereas I haven’t had the chance to do anything.

I feel like I’ve wasted my time. All these 6 months are for nothing. Or even worse, I picked the wrong course.

My boss even told us interns once that we may not learn what we wanted here on our first day, as the skills he wants we don’t have.
I also feel that the course I’m in is training us to be jack of multiple trades, but results in us having no speciality. I’m not good at anything, just basic. I don’t know what I want to do in the future either, so having nothing I’m good at makes me feel worse.

But anyways, back on the topic, I’m thinking since I didn’t get many opportunities, I might be ranked lower in my presentation and report in general, as I feel like I didn’t have much to write about or talk about. The weekly reports and reflections just make me more aware of how little I’ve done, and how miserable I feel.

And since I’m a Y3 now, I’m worried about what to do next. If I do happen to want uni, will my score even be high enough to apply? And even if it did, what do i even want to study? I don’t even know what i like. I feel like i just hate doing everything.

I also feel so incredibly jealous of those who have strong wants and a desire to accomplish their dreams and goals. For most of my life, I’ve just been drifting and listening to others around me as for what to do. I want that kind of drive too, but I also don’t have an interest in anything.

I only know that I probably want to get to uni because I don’t want to get a full time job yet.

All these thoughts are just making me absolutely miserable all day long, I even feel like it’s seeping through my inner self and others are starting to take notice of my horrible mood of late. Sometimes I also notice that I complain about these problems a lot to the people around me, to the point that I think they might be starting to get annoyed.

I don’t really know what to do, or even who to go to now. I don’t want to be such a negative person because of all these feelings plaguing me.

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Hey @Len. Thank you for opening up and sharing all of this so honestly. It sounds like this internship has been a deeply frustrating and painful experience, especially when you worked hard and had hopes for something more meaningful. It’s incredibly valid to feel disappointed, jealous, and stuck when things don’t turn out the way you imagined especially when you see others around you thriving. That ache of comparison can cut deep, even when you still care for your friends. You’re not a bad person for feeling what you’re feeling. You’re human.

If I may gently offer another lens, what you’re feeling, the jealousy, regret, confusion, it all points to something meaningful: you care. You care about doing something worthwhile, about learning, growing, feeling engaged, being proud of what you can create. That’s not negativity, that’s desire. And desire can be a powerful compass.

Even if your internship wasn’t what you hoped for, I still see someone who’s thoughtful, reflective, and asking deep questions about their direction. That’s not “doing nothing.” That’s emotional labour. And it takes maturity to be this honest with yourself. I want to acknowledge you for that.

I just want to say this: your experience still matters, even if it doesn’t look shiny or impressive on the surface. Sometimes, growth doesn’t come from doing “cool things”, it comes from sitting in the uncomfortable spaces, learning what doesn’t fit, and discovering what actually matters to you. That kind of clarity is just as valuable, even if it’s painful to arrive at.

I wonder… what if this wasn’t a sign that you’re failing, but that you’re waking up to what you don’t want so that you can begin figuring out what you might want, even in small steps?

And if it ever feels like too much to carry alone, please know you don’t have to. Talking to a trusted adult, school counsellor, or mental health professional might help you untangle some of these thoughts and give them space to breathe. You don’t have to wait until things get worse to reach out. You’re allowed to get support simply because you’re struggling.

Even if you’re unsure about the future, just the fact that you’re reflecting, asking, and noticing what doesn’t feel right, that is not nothing. That’s movement. It’s okay not to know yet.

So be gentle with yourself. You’re not behind. You’re becoming. At your own pace.

May you find small sparks of clarity in unexpected places :sunflower:

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Hello @Len I just want to say first that I really hear you. What you’re feeling is completely valid. You’ve been through a rough and frustrating experience, and it makes so much sense that you’re feeling overwhelmed, discouraged, and even jealous. You didn’t get the internship you were hoping for, and instead ended up in a role that doesn’t challenge you or help you grow in the way you expected. Of course that’s disappointing, and it’s okay to be upset about it. When you see your friends doing exciting things, it’s natural to compare. Even though you care about them, that comparison can feel really painful. That doesn’t make you a bad person, it just means this experience matters to you.

It’s also okay to have regrets, like wondering if you should have spoken up earlier or pushed harder to change companies. But you made the best choice you could at the time with the information and energy you had. You weren’t lazy or careless, you were just trying to get through a confusing and uncertain situation. Hindsight always feels clearer, but it isn’t fair to beat yourself up for not knowing then what you know now.

It also sounds like you’re struggling with feeling like you’re not good enough or unsure of what you’re even working toward. The truth is, so many people feel this way, especially at this stage of life. You’re not supposed to have everything figured out yet. Feeling lost doesn’t mean you’ve failed, it just means you’re still in the process of figuring things out, like everyone else. And not having a clear passion or dream doesn’t make you lesser than anyone. You still have time, and you’re allowed to explore and take your time deciding what’s next.

I know it might feel like your work hasn’t amounted to much, but the fact that you’ve stuck through it, kept showing up, and are still reflecting this deeply really says a lot about you. You’ve likely learned more than you think, even if it hasn’t been in the way you expected. And even if this internship wasn’t fulfilling, it doesn’t define your skills, your future, or your worth. This is just one chapter, not the whole story.

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Thank you for sharing so honestly, it takes courage to put all of that into words. It’s completely okay to feel lost, frustrated, or even jealous, especially when things didn’t go the way you hoped, and everyone around you seems to be thriving. Your feelings are valid, and you’re not alone in feeling this way. Please don’t be too hard on yourself. Just because your internship experience wasn’t ideal doesn’t mean you’ve wasted your time or that your future is bleak. Growth sometimes happens in quiet ways we don’t notice until much later, and not knowing what you want right now doesn’t mean you never will. Give yourself space and time to explore, and try to be gentle with yourself along the way. You are doing your best, and that is enough:)

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Thank you for sharing your feelings and experiences so openly. It sounds like you weren’t able to join your desired company and had to make a compromise by taking up your current internship. That can understandably feel disappointing. And when you hear your friends talk about their enjoyable and fun experiences, it’s only natural for it to bring up a sense of frustration or stress.

Some internship placements, by the nature of the work, come with structured responsibilities that may feel limiting. But that is in no way a reflection of your abilities or potential. In fact, it’s clear you had a vision for where you wanted to be and that drive in itself is something to hold on to. As this internship comes to a close, perhaps this could be an opportunity to revisit that original goal and explore how you might align with that desired company moving forward.

You also mentioned creating posters. You might want to take a moment to reflect on that experience what information did you use, how did you consolidate and present it, and how did it support the company in communicating with its audience and goals in general? Designing posters isn’t just a task; it’s a thoughtful process involving creativity, information synthesis, and visual storytelling. Those are valuable, transferable skills.

The frustration you’re feeling is valid, especially when you know you’re capable of more. The fact that you’re reflecting on all this so thoughtfully is already a powerful step forward. This one internship does not have to define you. Instead, you might want to think of it as one step in your learning journey. You might also consider taking everything you’ve learned here-skills, insights, even clarity about what you don’t want and use it to move closer to the kind of work and impact you truly desire.

Take your time. All the best.

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Hi @Len, thanks for writing in.

It’s completely valid to feel overwhelmed, disappointed, and even jealous when it seems like everyone else is thriving while you’re stuck in a loop that feels meaningless (especially after putting in so much hope and effort).

You’re not alone in feeling lost or unsure about your future, and none of this makes you a bad person. It just means you’re human, trying to make sense of a situation that feels unfair and isolating. The fact that you’re able to articulate these emotions so clearly shows a deep self-awareness and a longing for something more fulfilling, which is a powerful starting point. You deserve to be seen, heard, and supported - not just for what you produce, but for who you are beneath all the pressure.

With regards to your internship experiences, you may wish to approach an Education and Career Guidance (ECG) Counsellor within your polytechnic. An ECG Counsellor can support you to learn more about your own interests, abilities and passion to make informed education and career decisions.

Best regards,
Han_Solo_2000
Befriender | let’s talk by mindline

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