I’m a J2 student who just finished a major exam and now have a close to 8 months of holiday. It’s the holiday seasons and everyone is travelling to various countries and places with friends or family. I know it’s unhealthy to compare but l can’t help but feel a strong wave of jealousy and more so emptiness. Everyday my friends are telling me about their current trip or I’m seeing those on social media. My family is not traveling and do not have anything planned. I have got nothing to look forward to, nothing to distract me from my problems. I’m so afraid to receive my results in February because I know for a fact that I messed up. I jokingly mentioned to my parents if we can travel to anywhere after that so I can distract myself from the pain and my mom shut me down by saying a stupid and useless person doesn’t deserve a holiday. Some of my friends already got bank internship for the new year. I honestly feel like a failure, I got nothing going on in my life. Everyday the thought of receiving my grades back haunts me and I just end up crying.. I don’t know how I’m going to survive the next 2 months with nothing to do. I’ve been actively signing myself up for different activities to keep myself busy but if I stop for just 1 second I just think about how l’m a failure, and I breakdown and tear up. I don’t think this is healthy for me and I hate feeling helpless. I’m loss and I don’t know how to regulate my own feelings anymore. I feel really depressed. Comparison is the thief of joy but I can’t help but feel so absolutely useless and helpless. I am grateful for my parents and all but I really really just feel so much jealousy and I know this is not right… I hate feeling this way.. What can I do, I need help before I really spiral to a deeper place.
hello, congrats in finishing your exam! as for social media websites, perhaps you can take some time off, and engage in hobbies you enjoy instead! I can see that you are signing yourself up for activities which is a good step! I understand that internships might take time, so perhaps you can wait for the companies to get back to you. Rooting for you op!