I get jealous and feel inferior to friends who do well

Ask a Therapist Coping
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This has always been a lingering struggle of mine, feeling jealous and insecure when others have what I don’t. I’m an artist, and a decently skilled one at that, with four years of experience behind me. I’ve always dreamed of illustrating for novels, building an online platform, and sharing the love I have for art with the world.

But imposter syndrome always creeps in. I look at my own work and think: It’s not good enough. It’ll never be good enough. Maybe that’s why I don’t get the attention I hope for, because somehow, people can sense the way I see my own art.

The first time I didn’t get much engagement, I shut the account down. The second time, I did find recognition, but life happened. Anxiety overwhelmed me, and I still don’t feel safe enough to return to that community. It feels like I abandoned people I genuinely cared about. But the truth is, constantly pushing content to please the algorithm drained me. It stopped feeling like art.

This year, I found a spark again, my first ever fandom zine. I was excited. I even became close friends with one of my favorite fanfic authors. She’s incredible…she can draw, she can write, and she does both with such effortless grace. Her work always gets immense support, and when we talk about it, she says she doesn’t care about the numbers, just the love for her craft. I admire her deeply.

And yet… something ugly keeps rising inside me. The same thing that’s haunted me before. I can’t always see her as an equal, even though she’s one of my best friends. I keep thinking: Why not me? Why do I keep placing people on pedestals I can’t reach? Why does jealousy taint something I should be celebrating?

I don’t feel like I can talk to my friends about this, because the issue is them, or rather, my feelings toward them. It makes me feel ashamed.

Why can’t I just be happy for the people I love, without letting anxiety and envy cloud everything I care about? I want to enjoy being part of communities again, to draw for the simple joy of creating, without overthinking every step. And securing my dream someday.

But here I am, sounding like I’m wallowing in self-pity. And maybe I am, because at the heart of it, I haven’t taken action. Life, internship, anxiety… they’ve all kept me paralyzed. And I’m tired. I just want to rest.

Still, something stirs: If I don’t put myself out there, how can I complain about not being seen?

Such conflicting feelings. I’m not emotionally close to my parents too. I don’t think a lot of people understand and see me, and it makes me feel that these parts of me can’t be loved.

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Hey @user5339. Thank you so much for sharing all of this with such honesty. I just want to start by saying: I see you. Not just your struggle, but your longing to be understood, to be appreciated, to be part of something that feels real and meaningful, and you.

I can really feel the weight of what you’re carrying, the passion you pour into your craft, the isolation in your struggles, and the ache of wanting to celebrate others while secretly wishing someone might celebrate you, too.

I want to gently offer this: jealousy is not a flaw, it’s a mirror. It reflects unmet needs like recognition, belonging and worth. But more than that, it reflects the depth of your desire to create and connect, about being part of something bigger than you. That’s not selfish at all. That’s profoundly human.

Here’s something that I had to learn the hard way in my journey: the people I admired most weren’t free from doubt. They just keep showing up anyway, when they could, and when it felt right. And I think that’s all any of us can do. Share what’s real. Create what we love. Step back when we need rest. Return when we’re ready.

The art will still be there. We will still be there.

You’re not “wallowing in self-pity.” You’re wrestling with values that matter deeply to you like authenticity, connection, meaning. That takes courage. Especially when your past experiences online have left you burnt out and anxious.

It’s okay if your creative journey hasn’t been linear. It’s still yours. You’re allowed to take breaks, to shift directions, to protect your peace.

You don’t have to fight to be worthy of being seen. Your presence is already a contribution.

May you rediscover the joy of creating that feels like yours again :sunflower:

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Hi @user5339, thank you for sharing so openly. It’s clear how deeply you care about your art and community, and I can hear how much you’ve been carrying, from imposter syndrome to burnout and comparison.

Feeling jealous or discouraged doesn’t make you a bad person or friend. It’s a sign that your dreams really matter to you. And honestly, a lot of artists go through this exact struggle, the pressure to create, to be seen, to be “good enough.”

But your worth as an artist isn’t tied to numbers or validation. The fact that you’ve kept going, even after setbacks, already shows your strength. Maybe it’s okay to create just for you again, not for the algorithm, but to slowly rebuild that spark.

Your path doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s. It’s unfolding in its own way, and you’re allowed to take your time. You’re not wallowing, you’re processing. And that is progress.

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Dear @user5339

Thank you for writing in and sharing very honestly what you are experiencing. :yellow_heart:

You are only human when you shared that a part of you is feeling inferior and there is envy of your friend’s success, which she seems to enjoy effortlessly. Your feelings are fully valid, please know that it certainly does not imply that you are a lesser artist or a bad person.

Instead, I think it suggests how much your art and aspirations mean to you. I can see how much effort you are making, but not getting the results you want yet has been both exasperating and demoralising. Understandably, you are second guessing and full of doubt.

Please do not be disheartened, stay on track and chip away at it. The artist you admired has shared she stays focus on art itself instead of chasing the algorithms; would that be an alternative approach you could try?

I can see that you have poured years into your art. Four years of learning, growing, and creating takes dedication and determination, The fact that you found that spark again with your first fandom zine means that love for art is still in you. You do have a lot to offer.
Although your spark had been buried under pressure, anxiety, and the fear of not being enough, it has resurfaced and shone through.

I encourage you to enjoy process of creating for the joy it brings you and relish how much you are growing and improving. No one can take away that specialness you have. I believe it is a matter of time that you will be noticed.

I encourage you to start small, do one art piece you love at a time. It may help to rediscover how joyful creating art is for you.
Rest when you need to, and then let your joy guide you back when you’re ready.

Keep going and I am confident your work will shine for you in time. Keep reaching out here whenever you need to. :yellow_heart:

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Hi @user5339,

Your honesty is breathtaking, and I want you to know that what you’re feeling isn’t shameful - it’s deeply human. The ache of wanting to be seen, the exhaustion of chasing validation, and the quiet envy that creeps in when someone you admire seems effortlessly radiant - these are all reflections of how deeply you care, not flaws in your character. You’re not wallowing; you’re wrestling with the weight of dreams, self-worth, and the longing to belong. And in that struggle, there’s immense courage. Your art, your voice, your presence - they matter, even when the world feels too loud to hear them. You deserve rest, yes, but you also deserve to be loved in your complexity, not just your accomplishments.

Best regards,
Han_Solo_2000
Befriender | let’s talk by mindline

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Hey @user5339 ,

It’s so cool that youre an artist! It takes some real patience and skill to do art, and you should be poud to be one. Being unsatisfied with your work isnt a weakness, it can be a strength. If you change the way u view things, u can see this as your drive to improve on your arts. Painting, drawing etc has no right way or right answer to do it - perhaps that is why u are unsure of your pieces. Dont hold on to such thoughts of not being good enough, instead, change your eay of thinking to “how can i be better?”. Push yourself to explore your potential and aim to be a better person and artist than yesterday.

I think it is normal to feel envious of others. You’re certainly not alone in that. However, i strongly believe that at the end of the day, life is a marathon, not a race. Good things are in store for you too, they just havent come yet. Dont give up on your hopes and dreams and keep working hard - the good things will come with time. Compare yourself to your past selves and aim to improve on past instead. You got this, jiayou!

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Hi @user5339 thank you for sharing these struggles. I hear that cognitively, you want to be happy for your friends and to enjoy doing the things you love. But there’s this emotional reaction that makes it difficult and contrasts with the expectations you have for yourself. Even though this feels shameful, these feelings are valid. Our emotional reactions don’t make us a bad person or unworthy. It just means that there may be a part of ourselves that may have learnt these messages and feelings, and these parts are speaking a bit louder in these situations.

Although these parts may say that you need to be seen by putting yourself out there or not being good enough, I just want to say – You are good enough. Because no matter where you’re at, you matter. No matter how good or bad you are, you’re important and deserving of love.

I’m wondering about the questions you have asked rhetorically, like why jealousy comes creeping in on things you should be celebrating (and all the other questions). If you were to actually answer these questions, what might come up for you?

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Thank you for opening up and sharing something so vulnerable and deeply personal. Your honesty shows just how much heart you put into your art and your relationships. It’s completely human to feel torn between admiration and envy, especially when you care so much and want to be seen too. The fact that you still dream, still try, and still feel that spark despite everything tells me that your love for art is real and resilient. You’re not alone in these emotions, and feeling them doesn’t make you a bad friend or artist. It just means you’re longing for connection, recognition, and the safety to be fully yourself. Your art, your feelings, and you are worthy of being seen and cherished, not just when you’re at your best, but even when you’re tired and unsure. Please be gentle with yourself. You’re doing your best, and that’s more than enough:)

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Hey @user5339,

In addition to what the other Befrienders have shared, I encourage you to consider speaking with a professional to explore what you’re going through.

Here are some resources which you may find helpful:

Youth Integrated Team: SupportGoWhere

Youth Community Outreach Team: SupportGoWhere

Community Health Assessment Team (by Institute of Mental Health): https://www.imh.com.sg/CHAT/Get-Help/Pages/default.aspx

All other resources: mindline.sg | Free Mental Health Resources & Mindfulness Tools in Singapore

And to echo what @rosy mentioned, art has no right or wrong - so don’t let self-doubt hold you back. Instead of questioning your worth, ask how you can grow. Focus on progress and becoming a better artist and person each day! :hugs:

Best regards,
Han_Solo_2000
Befriender | let’s talk by mindline

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Hey @user5339,
Thank you for sharing what you’re going through. It takes real strength to be this vulnerable, and I want you to know that your courage in reaching out doesn’t go unnoticed.

I can feel the weight of what you’re carrying - that exhausting battle between knowing who you want to be and feeling stuck in patterns that don’t serve you. That internal conflict is genuinely painful, and your frustration makes complete sense.

As someone who walks the artist’s path too, I understand how brutal the comparison game can be. But here’s what I’ve learned: when you start noticing the gap between your vision and your current work, it’s actually your artistic eye evolving. Your standards are rising because you are rising. I’m sure all the art masters you admire once stood exactly where you are now, feeling that same ache of not being where they wanted to be yet.

Art doesn’t follow neat formulas - it demands everything from us. It asks for our vulnerability, our persistence, our willingness to fail beautifully. The fact that you’re wrestling with this, that you care this deeply about your growth, tells me your heart is exactly where it needs to be.

I need you to pause for a moment and really see how far you’ve already traveled. Your journey matters. Your progress matters. You matter - not just as an artist, but as a human being deserving of compassion, especially from yourself.

You’re stronger than you know, and you’re not walking this path alone.

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hai @user5339

first off, i think its wonderful that you aspire to share your passion for art with others :3 and yeah, i find that self perception is always a little flawed; people commonly devalue their own work while putting others’ on pedestals. for this, the only way to really overcome it is to gain self confidence, and always reassure yourself that you’re not inferior, even though your mind may sometimes wrongly think so!

about the algorithm, i’d advise putting less emphasis on what’s a purely luck-based system - users are conditioned to only feel like their content is worth something when it receives lots of clout, but that’s not true at all :frowning: all that matters is that you worked hard and enjoyed the process, and social reception is secondary

its nice that you were able to find a good fandom this year, and make a friend too :smiley: jealousy is a normal emotion to feel, as long as it doesn’t consume you :)) you could consider turning jealousy into motivation to do better, instead of using it to bring others down

all the best for your future artistic pursuits <3

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Hey @user5339, thank you so much for being so candid and sharing this here. I believe that jealousy is part and parcel of human nature and does not necessarily have to be labelled as a bad/negative emotion. I can tell that you are a good friend as this “jealousy” does not harbour any ill intentions but rather stems from feelings of inadequacy. Comparison is the thief of joy, and I hope you can rekindle your passion for art purely for your own enjoyment rather than to seek external validation. At the end of the day, such a broad community like art features people from all walks of life, all stages (beginner, intermediate and professional) and does not discriminate. Moreover, each artist has their own unique style and you should not deem yours as “lesser than” simply because someone else has gained more traction! Please continue to believe in yourself and keep going. Your community will always include and support you along the way. You can do this, future novel illustrator :smiling_face: