I know my self esteem is extremely low and that could be one of the factors on why I’m jealous of my own best friend. but she’s always been so happy and I hate to admit it but she’s so skinny and I can’t stop thinking about it. I’m not fat or anything but whenever I look at myself in the mirror I think about her compared to my body and it makes me so infuriated that she’s skinnier than me. I’ve always been the bigger one in every friendship and it’s really made me angry that all my friends are better than me in that aspect. they can eat and eat and they would never gain any weight at all. while I sat at the very same table avoiding the slice of pizza that I had been craving for the entire day claiming I’m full because I couldn’t stand the thought of gaining weight. my best friend loves me and I know that she would never want anything bad for me. why am I such a bad friend to somebody who loves me. when she wears nice outfits and asks me if their nice I tell her no purely out of jealousy. I just can’t stand the fact that it looks so good on her and on me it would look absolutely disgusting. I think I’m getting ahead of myself but I could have body dysmorphia I’m not sure? can somebody please give me advice.
Hi @Laurenn,
Thank you for being so honest about your feelings—it takes a lot of courage to reflect on such difficult emotions and share them. First, I also want you to know that there are also others feeling this way, struggling with comparing themselves to others, especially in close relationships, and it doesn’t make you a bad person or a bad friend. It simply means you’re human, and you’re grappling with insecurities that are challenging but also possible to work through.
It’s clear how much you care about your best friend, and it’s beautiful that you recognise her love and support for you. That’s something precious to hold onto. At the same time, it sounds like you’re being really hard on yourself. Let’s take a moment to pause and remind ourselves that you’re not in competition with her—or anyone else. Your journey and your body are uniquely yours, and they don’t need to look or feel the same as someone else’s.
The jealousy and anger you’re feeling are signals, not facts. They might be pointing to deeper feelings about how you see yourself. When you look at your reflection, it might help to ask yourself, "Am I seeing myself through a lens of love or criticism?” Shifting that lens toward kindness can be a powerful step.
It’s also okay to admit that you might need some help unpacking these feelings. Talking to someone, like a counsellor, can give you a safe space to explore where these thoughts come from and how to navigate them. If you feel comfortable and that you can be authentic about yourself with your best friend, are you open to sharing a little of this with your best friend? Being honest about your struggles could deepen your bond and help both of you grow together.
Lastly, allow yourself small steps toward healing. Try eating that slice of pizza without judgement—food is nourishment, not punishment. Celebrate little things about yourself that you like, even if they feel small. You’re already taking the first step by reaching out and wanting to improve. That shows incredible strength and determination. You’ve got this.
i think once u have guys liking u, ur body image issues will decrease. maybe not if its something in ur mind that u prob should go therapy for to accept urself w kindness. life is like that, of course im jealous of my frens who r smarter or handsome, which makes life easier for them while i’m struggling. you just have to do what u can and accept it. i have a belly easily so i have to go for runs to keep it down. you can start running. it’s something extra u need to do compared to that one fren but exercising is good for the mind and body. i can hike w u if u r open to it. eat what u want but dont overeat
Hi @laurenn, thank you for sharing your feelings so openly. It takes a lot of courage to acknowledge and express such personal and difficult emotions. It’s clear that you’re going through a tough time, and it’s important to recognize that your feelings are valid.
It’s understandable to feel jealous and frustrated when you compare yourself to others, especially those close to you. Many people struggle with similar feelings, and it’s not a reflection of your worth or the quality of your friendship. It’s important to remember that everyone has their own insecurities and challenges, even if they aren’t always visible.
Your awareness of these feelings and their impact on your behavior is a significant first step. It shows that you care about your friend and your relationship. It might be helpful to talk to a trusted person or a mental health professional about these feelings. They can provide support and help you develop strategies to improve your self-esteem and manage your emotions.
Remember, your value isn’t determined by your appearance or how you compare to others. Focus on the qualities that make you unique and the positive aspects of your life. Building self-compassion and practising self-care can make a big difference in how you feel about yourself. You’re not alone in this, and there are resources and people who can help you navigate these feelings.
For more information on these resources (e.g. Community Outreach Teams /Community Intervention Teams / General Practicioners), visit mindline.sg | Free Mental Health Resources & Mindfulness Tools in Singapore
Hi @user1138,
Thank you for your thoughtful advice and support. I really appreciate your willingness to help the OP, and the offer to go hiking together with them. Exercise can indeed be beneficial for both physical and mental health.
However, I think it’s important to recognize that body image issues can be quite complex and deeply rooted. While external validation and physical activity can help, they might not fully address the underlying feelings and thoughts. Sometimes, these issues require a more comprehensive approach, including therapy, to work through and develop self-acceptance and kindness towards oneself.
I understand that everyone has their own struggles and it’s natural to feel jealous at times. It’s great that you’re finding ways to manage your own challenges. Let’s continue to support each other and focus on our individual journeys towards self-improvement and well-being.