I havent been able to sleep for the last few days as i feel very stressed after an encounter of being sexually assaulted violated and sexual coerced from someone whom i felt was my only safe space i could run to. It turns out that he was only a safe space when he has intentions. After he get what he wants, he does not really want to be a safe space anymore. He finds it a burden even. He then slowly started crossing boundaries and sexually assaulted me and violated me and crossed boundaries. At first i felt desired and wanted but part of me also felt scared. Its nice to feel wanted and desired by my partner. It makes me feel like i am attractive and hot. I even tried changed my dressing, my appearance just to fit his preferences. But i get more sexual assaults. Part of me feels i need to feel desired and wanted by him. But it got to a point that he could not control his sexual urges and it got so strong that he could not empathise with me when i expressed discomfort. Yes its ncie to feel wanted and desired it makes me feel like theres something good about me. But in the end i just feel like i am used just to satisfy his sexual pleasure at the expense of my comfort. It caused me distress. It was too uncomfortable. I felt forced into it. My body felt forced. Into sexual favours against my will and against my comfort level, even something i disliked dping. I think that is too much. I do not want to do skmething i hate for someone to desire me. I want him to look at me and spend time with me and desire me as a person instead of desirinf me with conditions like sex attached. He last year tkld me we needed to change and mske things healthier but this year he asked me for sex. And it got more and more unhealthy. He claims to be religious and godly but he acts in an unempathetic and unhealthy manner. The situation has already happened. And i feel very stressed. Because i dont feel like he wants to remove my pain. Ehat he did 2 days ago really lefr a painful mark in me. The way hebact after that is also cold to me. I dont really want anymore of this. Its not about being desired as a person. But rsther its just his ubcontrolled lust and sexual urges makinf him self centered and manipulative to get his way.