i am a burden on society

Ask a Therapist Seeking Help
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tw/

i have a lot on my chest and have no one to tell, so i just want to shout into the void. everything i have to say is shameful and terrible, so i understand if no one responds. i don’t expect anyone to, i am used to being ignored.

on thursday, my social worker came to my house to drag me to the imh emergency room, after which i was admitted there for the fifth time (sixth admission if i include general hospitals). i remember my first time there, when i was scared to hear others had been there three or four times. this time i was the person who had been there a lot, the person in and out of hospitals, the revolving door patient.

i was physically and verbally abused my entire childhood. i’ve been sexually assaulted. i went through all of this just for the doctor in the ward to casually tell me to “stop being so sensitive” and to “stop wearing my heart on my sleeve and have crocodile skin”. thanks, i didn’t think of that. being a woman in and out of psych wards i’ve been labelled a borderline by many doctors, and while i admit it might be accurate to an extent, it’s a sucky label to have. i could see the scorn in that doctor’s eyes, and i know that’s how people see me. as an attention-seeking, crazy person that’s beyond help. and honestly, that really is what i am.

i know i overreact to situations. i know i should get over it and be ok with my family because i haven’t been abused for the past two or three years. i know a lot of professionals have tried to help me and found no success. but i genuinely have tried everything. meds, several therapists, counsellors, family work, social workers, everything. nothing works. it’s only been getting worse and worse. i’ve even been turned away by counsellors and emergency rooms because i’m too much and too complicated, and nothing can be done.

people keep telling me to keep trying, but no one has a solution. i used to believe i could get better, maybe even help other people. but there genuinely is nothing that can be done. people used to get worried when i said i was in hospital, now people just ask “again?” my friends don’t care or respond to me, and it’s not like i’m asking them for help or anything, just companionship. i’m careful about every word i say and everything i do because i know i’m too much and i do everything i can not to be.

i am impossible to help, and no one cares. i don’t care. i’m in pain and i cannot keep pushing through this miserable life. all i am is a burden on my social workers, the other professionals i see, my family, my friends, everyone. all this time i’ve made an effort to stay alive, but i don’t see the point anymore. this time when i felt a crisis coming, i reached out to my social worker. but i honestly don’t think i will do that or go for my appointments anymore. because my life genuinely is a mistake and a burden on society.

i know all the hotlines and i know to go to an emergency room if im in crisis. i don’t need to be reminded of that. but if the message i’m getting over and over again is that my life is worthless, why should i bother trying? i know i will not live much longer, and i’ve made my peace with that. not today or tomorrow, but soon. i guess this is my one final try at trying to see if at least strangers might care for a second. but honestly, not to guilt trip anyone or be attention-seeking, i really don’t think anyone will.

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Dear Crabs,

I have been following your posts for a while now. I have read closely to all the posts that you have shared and it is important. It is clear that what you’re describing now needs immediate attention. Quietly suffering from abuse is no laughing matter. Your self-esteem is impacted, your emotions raw and clearly in a vulnerable position. No wonder you will react without slightest hesitation to you’ve tried reaching out multiple times and been let down before, and that makes pulling away and isolating feel safer even though it costs you companionship. I see how heavy that burden is and the fact you’re still here, still looking for being heard, quietly says there’s hope.

I know that you have heard enough, and you are probably sick and tired from this again, you don’t have to react immediately by replying to me or type anything. All I want to say is that I would assume that you have spoken to the police or authorities about your sexual assault. I might have missed it but I need you to be clear about what has happened and it is a serious matter to address. I also want to be right to assume that you would have gotten protection order for yourself from perpetrators. If you have not done anything of these, please do so at your earliest convenience.

I want you to know that my concern is for you to recover. I hope that you had something to eat or drink today? Also that you are keeping up with your meds? And you are getting help in remembering to take them later? Lastly, sleep is extremely important, I can imagine that it can be hard right now.

The episodes that you are experiencing with your medical officers is no laughing matter too. You are not difficult, not imagining things, and not overreacting. Your nervous system is responding to perceived threat, even if it’s “routine” to others. You may request to speak privately to the Patient Advocacy/Relations/Experience team (available at all public hospitals). You can say: “I had a traumatic experience with a past doctor, and I’m scared about this visit. I need someone who can help me feel safe.”

They can:

  • Help you request a different doctor (e.g. female)
  • Pause or defer a procedure
  • Ensure a chaperone is present, or allow someone to accompany you
  • Alert the medical team to proceed only with active, verbal consent

There is only thing that I would want, is to know that you are able to make calls openly without feeling threatened or your feeling that life would be in danger. This is a quick safety check (because this matters): Where will you be, thinking you might act on these urges of harming yourself in the next 24 hours?

I would like for you to read carefully the next few stabilising things we can do together in this “session”:
• grounding (2 mins): stop, plant feet, name 3 things you can see, 2 you can touch, 1 steady breath.
• small talk-script: if someone notices you’re shaken, it helps to have one line ready: “i’m overwhelmed right now, i need five minutes.” this reduces shame and buys time.
• quick plan: who could you text now to say “i need a short check-in?” — one person, one sentence.

Some practical thoughts I’m weaving from what you said (please treat as offers, not orders): it sounds like you’re pushed others away because you’ve felt invalidated and rejected, that’s understandable. Maybe what you need most is not more solutions but to be seen and held when you break.

Do you want:

  1. advice about reporting abuse (if that’s part of your story),
  2. someone to witness and hold your pain here and now, or
  3. help building a tiny safety/companionship plan so you’re not alone when it spikes?
    Pick one word and tell me. Is there something I can help get for you… a space to cry? Do feel free to PM me directly, if you feel comfortable, you can find in my profile.

One last ask, may I validate you here? Can I say plainly: I see you. I see how exhausted you are, how brave you are for staying. permission to hold that with you? You don’t have to fix everything today, just staying with us right now is enough.

We’ll stop here for now, small, steady steps. You are not a burden to society. What you need is as important as everyone else. You did the hard thing already by sharing; let’s make the next step tiny and doable.

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hi @FuYuan_Affections ,

i think i might have dramatised what happened haha, it’s not as bad as you make it sound, my apologies for that

my parents were physically and verbally abusive growing up, but they’re okay now. i’m not being actively abused, and i am physically safe now.

the sexual assault was an isolated incident with a stranger when i was 11, and i actually did not make a report. at that time i didn’t understand what happened and i was afraid of getting in trouble, so i didn’t speak up about it until six or seven later… i haven’t seen the perpetrator after the incident, so there are no concerns there

thank you for your concern, im doing my best to take it one day at a time. my medication is managed by my mother and dispensed daily due to previous suicide attempts, and i try to eat something once or twice a day:”)

i’m not too sure what you mean by episodes with medical officers haha, i don’t think ive had any traumatic experiences with doctors, at least anything out of the ordinary… theyve been rude at worst

i am safe now, apologies for communicating it like it was a crisis or unsafe situation. i am able to reach out for help or make calls when i need to, and im not actively being abused by anyone, its all in the past.

im not about to harm myself in the next 24h, i have what ive been told is a chronic suicidal crisis… unfortunately this is just life for me :”)

thank you for the suggestions, i do find them helpful! i do have some friends i can reach out to if need be :slight_smile:

i think the safety plan i have with my social worker is working, i have not made any suicide attempts since i have started working with him. he really is extremely kind and helpful and im very grateful for him, he’s someone i can rely on. just feel like a burden on him sometimes

i think i just reached out because i wanted someone to talk to, it all felt a little overwhelming :”) thank you for your kind words and support, i appreciate it a lot. again, i really apologise for making the situation sound worse than it is, hope i didn’t cause any alarm… victimise myself too much i guess

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Hey, it’s good to know and hear that all is well with you. I am glad that you know that you are important, you know and can see that concern, care and support is here. :slight_smile:

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don’t think im important but definitely not in a situation as bad as i make it seem haha.. probably mostly normal life experiences… oh well :”) its life i guess

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Hey, look how you are talking yourself out of being important. :stuck_out_tongue: I believe that your parents know that too. Take care.

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Hi @crabs,

It’s clear that what you’re going through deserves immediate attention. When you mentioned things like:

“I have been abused for the past three years.”

“I’ve been turned away at emergency rooms.”

“My friends no longer respond to me.”

“I will not live for much longer.”

Those are warning signs that deserve an urgent response.

Quietly suffering from abuse takes a profound toll - on your self-esteem, your emotional resilience, and your sense of safety. It’s no wonder you react quickly or feel the need to withdraw. Reaching out and being let down repeatedly makes isolation feel safer, even though it comes at the cost of connection. The fact that you’re still here, still seeking to be heard, speaks volumes about your strength and the quiet hope that remains.

If you haven’t already, please consider speaking to the MSF about the assault and securing a protection order. These steps are vital for your safety and healing. (MSF | Break The Silence)

I also want to gently check in: have you had something to eat or drink today? Are you keeping up with your medications and getting support to remember them? Sleep is essential, though I know it can be elusive right now. And regarding your medical experiences - please know you’re not overreacting or imagining things. Your nervous system is responding to real, perceived threats, even if others dismiss them as routine. You have every right to ask for support. At public hospitals, you can request to speak privately with the Patient Advocacy or Relations team and say, “I had a traumatic experience with a past doctor, and I’m scared about this visit. I need someone who can help me feel safe.” You deserve care that honours your trauma and helps you feel protected.

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haha sorry for the concern, i said i haven’t been abused in the past three years, not that i have been.. and its too late to report the assault haha

thank you for your concern though!

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Hi @crabs,

No worries, and thanks for clarifying!

With regards to the assault you experienced, I would personally say that time does not diminish what the perpetrator did to you. You have the sole right to report the case to the authorities, regardless of whether it happened “a long time ago” or otherwise.

So I hope that you’ll find your own voice and have the courage to speak up about it! :+1:

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er haha im not able to identify the person or anything, i barely remember the person haha… at this point making a report would be more trouble than its worth and wont go anywhere

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Hi @crabs,

If you feel that making a report is not a helpful way to go about things, then that is fine. I respect your decision! :+1: