i find myself worrying about my next meal and how much weight im going to gain. feel like this has been on and off for a couple of years since a really bad break up, but it was only recently i felt like it’s been affecting me. i mean yes eventually i gained weight which made me no longer fit into my usual clothes which was super alarming to me. i think what made me feel like it got bad is episodes of eating more than my usual meals, or i wud say ‘binge eating’ bcos i dont want to self diagnose. but really i go into this flow state of constsntly easting - “oh that looks nice” and i finish a bag of chips “oh maybe i havent had this in a while, let me try a bit” and i eat half of the packet. this has been happening for awhile, and i think it got super bad when i thought about full i felt after all that eating and i just want to force it out bcos i regret it so much. i feel like im out of control, im disgusted, im disappointed in myself.
this happens, and suddenly im back to trying to eat clean again. and then i spiral again when im stressed/emotional and its tiring… to keep thinking about what to eat next bcos i genuinely want to lose weight to suddenly eating soso much
