i find myself worrying about my next meal and how much weight im going to gain. feel like this has been on and off for a couple of years since a really bad break up, but it was only recently i felt like it’s been affecting me. i mean yes eventually i gained weight which made me no longer fit into my usual clothes which was super alarming to me. i think what made me feel like it got bad is episodes of eating more than my usual meals, or i wud say ‘binge eating’ bcos i dont want to self diagnose. but really i go into this flow state of constsntly easting - “oh that looks nice” and i finish a bag of chips “oh maybe i havent had this in a while, let me try a bit” and i eat half of the packet. this has been happening for awhile, and i think it got super bad when i thought about full i felt after all that eating and i just want to force it out bcos i regret it so much. i feel like im out of control, im disgusted, im disappointed in myself.
this happens, and suddenly im back to trying to eat clean again. and then i spiral again when im stressed/emotional and its tiring… to keep thinking about what to eat next bcos i genuinely want to lose weight to suddenly eating soso much
Dear @Yeothang
Thank you for sharing what you have been experiencing. I am glad you reached out and I can see how self aware you are about how emotions are linked to your eating patterns. I think that awareness you have shown is already a good first step towards your recovery. I also sense your determination to overcome and recover.
May I suggest you explore the following Mindline resources:
https://mindline.sg/grovve/self-help/library/resource-group/mental-health-literacy/resource-sub-group/eating-problems
Another resource you may want to explore would be to consult a polyclinic doctor and get referral to health professionals such as counsellors and dieticians who can journey with you.
You fully deserve timely and professional support so please reach out for help soon. Do be gentle to yourself too. With consistent and steady steps you can recover and build good habits that endure. 
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Hello @Yeothang, thank you for typing this on here. I can really hear how tiring it is to be constantly worried about your appetite and weight gain. It is always tough to have a healthy relationship with food when there are all these strong emotions involved, especially when they start to cause us to overeat and then feel bad about overeating. I think your emotions about eating are very valid because sometimes, I fall victim to that spiral too. But I also want to comfort and remind you to be kind to yourself and your body. It’s always very overwhelming to feel “out of control” or be “disgusted” and “disappointed” and I just want to say that I really hear you and all your unhappiness about overeating and weight gain but also hope that one day, that shame will not have such a large hold on you. You deserve to be happy and not see food as a source of stress!
PS. something that has helped me in the past is understanding food and myself more as a whole! like what food is filling but healthy (like beans, meat, egg) also fruits are a good alternative to snacks!) and to reduce some fatty or sugary food if possible (but of course, this is just a suggestion and please do everything in moderation!)