I am a 62 yrs old male. I feel isolated at home but happy at my part time work and with frens. An aging issue or normal? I alcohol at home too but i dont get drunk. My spouse wants to impose her negativity on alcohol on me… i feel ridiculous…normal?emphasized text
2 Likes
Over the last 3 mths I seem to be running out of patience with my spouse. I am male 62yrs old. Over the last decade i tolerated with her tyranny and verbal abuse. I therefore moved out of master bedroom to avoid more interaction with her. Interaction is already minimal to avoid friction. Is this normal? Help. Thks.
1 Like
Hi @Fllee
Thank you for sharing with us your worries, I hear you and I assure you it’s completely understandable to feel a mix of emotions at this stage in life. Feeling isolated at home while finding fulfillment in part-time work and friendships is a common experience, especially as we grow older and our social circles may change. Your feelings are valid and seeking happiness and connection outside the home is a healthy way to cope with isolation 
Regarding alcohol, it’s actually common for people to enjoy a drink at home as a way to relax and unwind, especially after a long day! However, it’s also important to be mindful of how alcohol consumption may affect your overall well-being and relationships. I can imagine that you might feel frustrated or dismissed if your spouse is imposing her negativity on your alcohol habits. Perhaps open and honest communication about boundaries and concerns can help bridge any gaps in understanding.
For example, you could schedule a time to have a calm and honest conversation with your spouse about your feelings and concerns regarding alcohol and their perception of it. Express your thoughts and emotions openly, and encourage your spouse to do the same. Listen actively to each other’s perspectives without judgment, and try to understand where each of you is coming from. This can help you both to have empathy and mutual respect for each other, and may lead to finding common ground or compromises that work for both of you.
I also want to encourage you to consider exploring alternative ways to cope with feelings of isolation and stress that don’t involve alcohol. Engage in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment, such as hobbies, exercise, volunteering, or spending quality time with friends and loved ones! Exploring new interests or reconnecting with old passions can help enrich your life and provide alternative sources of happiness and relaxation.
Last but not least, you could also try seeking support from a therapist or counselor to teach you new coping strategies for managing stress and improving communication within your relationship You could walk in to the nearest Family Service Centre (click on the link to see which is nearest to your home) or talk to a mental health professional online here:
- CPH chat : https://www.cphonlinecounselling.sg/hc/en-us
- IMH CHAT : Home - CHAT
- ec2.sg : https://fycs.org/ec2-sg
Ultimately, finding ways to nurture your happiness and well-being while also respecting the feelings and boundaries of your spouse is key :). You deserve to feel understood and supported!
Let us know if you’ve tried any of the suggestions, and update us on how you’re coping so far. Hear from you soon!
1 Like
I will know better by end March as I hv a psychologist appt scheduled and she suggested I bring my spouse along… to validate some of the things i share openly? My spouse has not responded that she will go… normal? Your thoughts pls. Thks.
1 Like
Hi @Fllee thanks for sharing and sorry to hear that you’re going through such a challenging situation. Feeling isolated at home, enjoying your part-time work and spending time with friends is normal, but if you’re using alcohol to cope with the situation, it’s essential to be mindful of its potential impact on your well-being.
The decision to move out of the master bedroom to minimize interaction is a coping mechanism that people sometimes employ in difficult relationships. However, it’s crucial to address the underlying issues causing this distance.
If your therapist has suggested involving your spouse in the therapy sessions and your spouse has not responded, it’s important to approach the situation with sensitivity and open communication. Ultimately, the decision to attend therapy should be a mutual one that both partners are comfortable with. Hopefully your situation will be much improved by end of March. All the best.
1 Like