Soooo I’ve been in this particular events company for more than 6 months now.. My workplace has a culture where some of my colleagues would “place” order for other colleagues such as myself to go down and tapau buy food. Instead of paying in advance, as a token of good faith, we generally pay first for them. But instead of paying back for the food immediately, they never transfer back the money. It’s like SGD 5-6 per food. 2 of my colleagues owe me like SGD11. One of them is a repeated offender.
Funny thing, it happened before in one of my old workplace long time ago. Most of the time, its the women colleagues that would pull this “oh-it-totally-slipped-my-mind” Yes, I would notify them politely and apologetically numerous times to pay me back like a tailong reminder. And yes, I’m a woman too. It pains me having to pester people to pay back. It’s not like they don’t have 5-6 dollars in their bank right now. If money’s tight, they could’ve just told me that they can’t transfer this week and suggest to transfer next week. It wouldve taken my mind of it.
Wah this sounds unfair to you, and also feels like you are being taken advantage of. It must be very frustrating to even have to ask for your own money back when they are the ones who probably owe you a favor for helping to buy their lunches. Gullible? Not really, I think you’re being nice; Basic courtesy. But when not reciprocated, probably it’s time to look at what other ways to safeguard your own boundaries while not appearing to be cold. Have you ever rejected such requests before in the past? Are there other factors which are stopping you from wanting to reject them? Also, are you coping well financially despite all these?
It must have been incredibly difficult for you. I’m sure you have been at your wits end and are seeking solutions here. It must took a lot of courage for you to write.
Is this only happening to you or do they do this to everyone?
How about having a common funds where everyone contributes $10, and then tops up when that runs low? Then this common funds can be used to buy the drinks/snacks?
Or perhaps collect the money before you go down to purchase and only return the change when you are back? This will reduce the chance of them not paying back after you purchase?
No, there’s no common fund. Generally most people are disciplined to pay back. Snacks are supplied by the company. I have been meaning to ask around but I’m afraid my other colleagues will start to get the wrong idea about them (esp the repeated offender). It would be more convenient to have the money beforehand but most of us don’t always carry around cash anymore so its usually paynow.
maybe it’s good practice to drop them a message after every lunch time with the amount that you’re expecting to get back. I think once you do it enough times and it becomes a routine then maybe they won’t forget anymore. Maybe something like: “thanks for getting lunch together! it’s $x.xx for lunch today, let me know when you’ve Paynow-ed me at xxxx xxxxx”
I am coping well financially, thanks for asking. No, I have not rejected these requests in the past. Normally, it just doesn’t cross your mind that they pull this trick again. There’s no factors to stop me from accepting it but if it’s so happens, I’m one of those available to tapau and buy lunch for them, there’s a probability that it will be designated to me. That is not something I am comfortable with. I don’t want it to end up me looking petty for chasing my money down.
Also, is it a expected thing for older colleagues pay for younger colleagues? Is it a norm culture? Is that why they expect me to absorb?
There’s a group chat for everyone to see (and by everyone, including my boss) of who ordered what and how much their food prices are and who they owe to. It’s blantantly reflected there. That has been a routine. Their name are written with their food and person’s name they owe their $ to.
I also drop personal WA message to remind them. Should I email them too? I even got my other colleague to remind as well. How many of “other” colleagues should I involve for them to pay back?
You are wise not to ask around, cos this will not only be damaging for the offender but also sour relationships even further between you and the offender. Apart from not getting anything back, you might end up having a potentially uncooperative colleague during work hours. If this can happen to you, high likely the offenders would have done the same to others, so not much point to actually ask around. And I don’t think it is petty to ask for your money back, it takes quite some courage to do that and a lot of tact to make it appear not hostile. Applaud you for keeping your cool!
Seeing that you actually have done quite a lot to rectify the situation, and that this is an errand you cannot hide from… this is indeed a headache. Just a few thoughts, see if any sits comfortable with you?
Drawing a line: You might wanna consider asking for your money back again when they place their next order (privately: ‘I feel bad chasing you for it but in the meantime, I also need to eat and save money; so I am unable to accept your order until the previous payments are done. I hope you understand.’)
Setting up new rule - declare that you will only buy lunch for those who have paid upfront first. And if they asked why, just be honest that you haven’t been getting paid back for your money for sometime and you want to prevent that from happening again (‘sorry for the inconvenience’). It’s disheartening but you might not ever get your money back despite all moves taken, so the least we can do is prevent recurrences. Do avoid naming names, you’re not here to break up your team ya?
Seek understanding - OR you can also approach this with a 'Hey, I haven’t gotten the lunch money for the previous times, is everything going ok with you? ’ This gives an opportunity to open up dialogue with the offender to find out whether they are really having money problems or if they really just forgot; giving them a chance to explain while you potentially get your money back. It would take quite some compassion to execute, so maybe gauge for yourself if you want to take this step to know them better. If it really is simply forgotten, set a date with them where you can officially remind them to pay up, so that it is less awkward for you, or draw the line (eg. stating to ignore their lunch request if no payment made past the deadline).
Regarding paying for younger colleagues, I’ve personally not encountered such behavior myself. If my younger colleagues asked to help tapao, they would offer to pay in advance or immediately pay upon receiving their meals. In terms of age, the boss would treat the juniors once in a while, kind of a morale booster. But in your case, it sounds like everyone is on equal ground, which is very different, so it doesn’t feel normal to me. One comforting thing to note though, is that majority of your colleagues paid you back, just the select few who ruined your workplace experience. There are still those who treasure their relationship with you, and from this experience, you can probably start to see who you can trust and build better relations too. (jia you jia you! )
That sounds incredibly frustrating, and honestly, you’re not alone in feeling disheartened by this kind of behavior. It’s exhausting to keep chasing people for something as basic as reimbursement, especially when you’ve extended trust and kindness by fronting the cost. It’s not just about the money. It’s the principle, the respect, and the decency of acknowledging someone’s effort. When colleagues repeatedly forget to pay back, it chips away at your sense of safety and fairness in the workplace. You shouldn’t have to feel like a debt collector just for doing someone a favor.
And I hear the deeper ache in your words, such as the part where you feel gullible, maybe even a little betrayed. I personally don’t feel that you are gullible. Rather, you’ve been generous, patient, and polite, and yet it feels like that goodwill is being taken for granted. It’s not weakness to expect honesty. It’s a basic human need to be treated with integrity. You deserve colleagues who value your time and effort, not ones who make you question your own boundaries. If you ever want to brainstorm ways to protect your energy while staying true to your values, I’m here for that too.
I’m so gullible