Is this a good friend behaviour?

If you’ve seen my previous post about this friend who has a copycat behavior. Yes, I’m back with another post about the very same friend. Besides the copycat behavior, I’ve also experienced a lot of things that make me question the friendship.

PS. I’m not a jerk, might sound like one though, but I promise I’m not. Maybe I’m too picky with the behaviours around me? Or maybe I’m just not meant to get along with people. At the end of the day, I didn’t feel respected as a friend.

Now it’s just the two of us, but back in 2021, when I first entered poly, it was three of us: me, Copycat (sorry if it’s rude, but it’s easier this way :pensive:), and Friend A.

Long story short about incident number 1: I went out with Friend A to eat hotpot. There were restrictions due to COVID, so the max pax for dine in was 2. So it was just me and Friend A. Copycat found out and ghosted us immediately :skull:. We never questioned it. My thinking was that if you don’t want to talk to me, then I won’t waste my time. But eventually, both of us got curious and asked her why she ghosted us (this was a month later). We argued for 4 hours :skull:. Two things I find ridiculous were that Copycat said:
1. “You should have at least informed me that you two were going out together.”
2. “Still can invite me, what. We can sit at different tables.”

First of all, I didn’t feel the need to inform her, and it was literally the first outing without her, and she had such a big reaction about feeling left out. If she’s so easily left out, then that becomes a restriction of me going out with Friend A. And miss ma’am, eating hotpot but sitting at a different table??? Is she going to have a whole pot to herself? Isn’t it worse if we bring her and she watches us from another table talking happily without her. I do understand the feeling of being left out, but sometimes it’s not something we can control. In all honesty, I saw her as a true friend until she ghosted us for that one outing. I would have initiated an outing with just her, and then with 3 of us. Whatever. We resolved the issue, obviously, since I’m still friends with Copycat. I’m also still friends with Friend A, but they’re no longer friends.

Issue number 2: Whenever Copycat and I go out, she will be GLUED to her phone. She’s either texting her boyfriend (at the time) or her friends. I’m like, bro, then what’s the point of going out with me if she’s going to be glued to her phone texting them? :skull: Can just go out with them, right? I’m not stopping her from replying to text messages, but literally when we eat, she’s texting, and I would already be done eating and have to wait another 20-30 minutes for her to finish eating. Like I don’t do that when I’m with her. I look at her when she talks to me, I only reply to important messages, the rest can wait, if i only get to spend a few hours with hed.

Issue number 3: She’s also always late. For all the times we met, she was late. Wednesday, she came to my house, right? Yeah. I fetched her at the MRT station and took the bus together back to my house. And we settled to meet at 12:30 pm, but she texted me at 11:30 to say we meet at 1 instead. And my area only has 1 bus that comes every 10-15 minutes. So I took the bus and reached at 12:45. It’s okay, I’m early, I don’t expect her to be early. But she came at 1:20 :skull:. Okay. It’s fine. I’m never late to any outings.

Issue number 4: For school stuff, she would constantly ask me how to do this, how to do that, since year 1 in poly. But whenever I ask her, she would simply say she doesn’t know. She doesn’t even take time to ponder about the question I ask her. I don’t know if she’s genuinely clueless or she just doesn’t want to help :skull:. I always try my best to help her. I would drop everything to help her, even in the middle of a VALORANT MATCH.

Issue number 5: She likes to ask about my ex, knowing that I’m literally in a relationship with my current boyfriend. :skull::skull: She be asking questions like:
- What would you do if you see your ex?
- Would you get back together with your ex?
- How many exes do you have?

Okay, but like I’ve already told her these things before. She loves to bring him up, I don’t know why :skull:. Bye, like can you respect my current relationship?

Issue number 6: Not only that, when she was together with her boyfriend (now ex), she would compare him to my boyfriend?? :skull: What for??
She would ask questions like:
- Your boyfriend got catch plushie for you from the claw machine?
- Does your boyfriend pay for food?
- Does your boyfriend give you surprises?
- Does your boyfriend give you presents?
- Is your boyfriend okay with you doing this or that?
- Does your boyfriend do this/that?
- Does your boyfriend pay for your things, etc., etc.

Then after my response, she would compare it to her boyfriend. But it’s okay, no need to compare already, cause they broke up, and her ex has a very CRAPPY behavior and does all the stupid things that my boyfriend would never do :skull:. So I don’t know why she compares for what.

Issue number 7: And also if you have seen my previous post about me not initiating convos and outings, yes, she’s one of those who complained, and she ghosted me twice simply for not initiating convo and outings with her. I mean, people also have to understand, I will ask to go out with you if I want to go out with you mah. Can’t just force me to initiate outings with you. If I got something to say, of course, I will text first mah. I mean even though we have reconciled, she said she is now more understanding of me not liking to initiate outings & convos. But to think that she ghosted me twice for that :skull: okay. But knowing that initiating outings & convos is something that she likes, I’ve also played my part in doing so. It’s very minimal (like i said, i dislike doing so), but I’m trying.

Issue number 8: When we go out together, she keeps trying to FORCE me to spend money. I’m so done. Like she would say she wants to go to the arcade and take a look, but then on the side, she would keep asking me to use the claw machine and whatnot. But she wouldn’t spend a single cent :skull:. Even though I refused to do so, she would still go on like, “faster leh. I want to see you play.” Like, bro, I said no :skull:. She has this tendency to try and force me to spend money in whatever store we walk into. I don’t even do that to herrrrr.

Issue number 9: Also, this other thing where I ALREADY EXPLAINED THAT I DON’T EAT OUT OFTEN. Mainly because mama’s food is the best 🩷. I love my mom. And also, I watch my diet. Call me picky or whatever. I watch my own weight & diet. I eat healthily, and most foods outside are not healthy, or healthy ones would be VERY expensive. Now I’m not completely broke, of course, since I have two hobbies that require a lot of money, which would be my collection of books & anime figurines. I also spend money on games :skull:. No, I don’t have a job, and I don’t ask money from my parents, but they do give me an allowance since I’m a student, and they don’t want me to work because they want me to focus on my studies. I made it very clear to her I will only eat one meal outside with her, occasionally two meals outside, depending on the situation and what I’ve eaten. I’m looking for high-protein foods and foods with LOTS of vegetables, and that I don’t take dinner after 6 pm. And I believe that eating later at night caused weight gain. Please just let me be, I’m taking care of myself. + Maybe because my dinners at home were always early, like 5:30 pm. But NAH. She would ask me once if I want to have a second meal with her, and I said no, as I’ve made it very clear as stated above.

And she would continue by saying/asking:
⁃ You really dont want eat with me ah
⁃ You’re really not hungry ah
⁃ I really want to have dinner with you.

I get that, but like, can you respect me too ? I have my own needs.

If you made it this far, thank you for reading 🩷 Maybe I’m just not meant to get along with people. Maybe I’m just too picky with behavior around me. But at the same time, she doesn’t make me feel respected as a friend. No, I’ve never brought it up to her. Just want to avoid confrontation.


Hmm not sure what advice to give you but it sounds like she doesnt respect your boundaries🥲

I don’t think it’s a good friend behaviour… as long as you feel like the need to do constant explaining, constant need to like make sure the other party is happy, then I must say, this kind of friend… is better to not have la ;-;.
If she likes to bring up your past wounds and stuff, then she is not respecting your boundaries at ALL. I mean, you see, friends are suppose to be people you make nice memories with, like they understand you if youve been with them very long and stuff, but bringing up your ex? Guilt-trippin you just because you choose not to bring her to eat out with you once? I see that she CLEARLY hasn’t grown up yet :slight_smile:
It’s not being picky, life is long, friends are like seasons, they may come and go, but those that TRULY are the most wonderful ones…eh I don’t think you’ll have to worry so much about them so much like this fellow here don’t you think?
You have your own life, so does she. If you wanna enjoy yours with another person, why not? What gives her the right to stop you anyway, just have fun! Someone who really treats you like a friend may ask you if you liked the place, perhaps give suggestion on what to eat there if they’ve been there, you know what I mean? Though we need to care for others, sometimes its better to just take a step back and view this situation properly.
But yeah glad you’re pretty calm about it and not like succumbing to her pressuring sometimes, because I might just slap her one day due to my impatient nature-
Maybe this is a little late, but for those who have similar experiences, hope this helps
Have a great day! Hope you all have great friends too~