My friend is in financial trouble

My friend does not have a great family background. His father left him during his secondary school days and he had to work to support himself financially. He 's living in a rental flat and wanted to cover his rent and other expenses recently. For some reason he opened an account and applied for a loan, so he’s not able to pay back the interest. It’s likely he did not understand the terms and conditions of opening this account so now he’s not sure what to do. I prefer to give him advice instead of lending him money like I did the last couple of times. I really don’t know what to do to be honest.


Did he return the money that you lent him previously? I think there needs to be some trust built. If he hasn’t returned the money, then maybe you should stop lending him money and help him find other alternatives instead.

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Hi @Dusty130 agreed with @Jaws I think you should not do something you are not comfortable with doing. If your current capacity is to help him in other ways then work on that with him. Hmm kinda like teach a man to fish instead of giving him the fish.

Perhaps can go back to the bank to explore refinancing options or figure out ways for him to improve his income.

Otherwise it might become a vicious cycle of relying on you to finance him. Which does not end well for either of you :sweat_smile:

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Hi @Dusty130

Thanks for coming on and sharing about your concerns with your friend. I hear how much of care you have for him, I believe this comes from how much you value your friendship with him. You’re worried about his financial state especially with the need to refinance the loan in a favourable manner, that doesn’t impact him further.

I wonder if you’d had the chance to speak to him about this? Like what kinda led to this situation in the first place? I wonder what your friend thinks about the the impact towards his financial status? Let’s say he does kinda have an idea, we can nudge him along by acknowledging his ambivalence (maybe he had 2 opposing thoughts at the time - maybe he felt confident about taking the loan AND maybe he was unsure about improving his financial situation).

When you listen to him, I think it can be helpful when you listen actively, asking open-ended questions to let him feel comfortable to share, and reflecting what you heard to let him know that you can see from his point-of-view. Perhaps something along the lines of “I can see that you found it hard dealing with your finances … and you were just doing what you thought best for yourself…”

And when you share your concerns about his situation, you can use I statements: I think/feel … because… and I would prefer that (what you would like done instead). This way, you can get your concerns across too and in a manner that your friend can listen and understand clearly. Perhaps this helps him along by increasing his motivation (and reducing resistance) to do something differently (e.g., other alternatives that the both of you can figure out together instead of him getting money from you) as he sees more on how his actions has an impact on his financial state and with his relationship with you.

I hope this helps you a bit and let us know how else we can support you in this. Looking forward to hearing what you think about this, yeah! :slightly_smiling_face: