My husband and i are married for 10 years now and he has been out of job for 3 years now. In those 3 years i have been supporting our family of 4. During those times i have taken out a few loans without my husbands knowledge to cover our expenses as the money i earn was not enough. Now my husband has found out about some of the loans i have but there is still one large loan that he is unaware off. At first when i took out the loans i thought i could handle them but i was really just kidding myself. One of the reasons i did not tell my husband was out of fear as he has anger issues, whenever he gets angry he tends to break stuff around the house and hit me a few times. Especially when he is drunk i get scared as he’ll bring up stories from many years back. No matter what i do its just never enough. The last when he found out about my small loans he took a knife out to scare me and had hit me multiple times. So this stopped me from telling him about my last big loan. Now, here i am not able to afford this months rent and my car payment has 3 months outstanding i dont know what to do. He is a good father and i do not want to break our family because of this. This situation has left me in a bad situation i no longer am happy, im always worried about debt collectors and my landlord calling for payments. I cannot have a nice conversation with my kids without me snapping at them. I realize that my lies from years back has brought me into this situation and i dont know what else to do. I have suicidal thoughts at time but i think of my kids and have to be strong. We cant even afford food we only have instant noodles or eggs and rice, sometimes my kid goes to school with just a bottle of water to last him a day. I can no longer let my kids live like this. Please i really need all the advice i can get
Hello @user1350
Please call the ComCare hotline as soon as possible at 1800 222 0000
Through ComCare you will be able to access assistance for food and short term financial relief. The social service officer will be able to help assess and provide the best possible support for you.
I’m not really in a position to advise what you should do with regards to your husband. However, I would say that you should tell the social service officer everything that you have shared here, if you haven’t made contact with one already. My heart goes out to you, and I want to emphasize that your safety and the safety of your children are of the utmost importance.
Hi user1350
Thank you for your courage in seeking help to better manage the difficult situation you are currently in. I am sad to hear how much you have endured especially for these past three years when you took up the role of the sole breadwinner. I acknowledge and commend how you are singlehandedly doing all that you can to steady the family situation despite the immense challenges. Did you know that there is so much strength in you? I see lots of resourcefulness, determination and resilience.
I fully understand when you shared how the prolonged financial and emotional stress you have been facing has taken its toll on your family and you. You believe that different types of interventions are now needed to ensure both your children and your safety and well-being. May I suggest the following for your consideration:
1)Apply for MOE financial aid for your school going child
(Financial assistance | MOE)
From my experience, MOE and schools have various schemes to help those among us in distress.
2)Call the ComCare hotline at 1800-2220000 to speak to an officer who can assist or go to MSF | ComCare to find out more.
3)Seek Support for Domestic Violence
Your husband’s anger issues and physical abuse are worsening the already difficult situation you are in. I believe that no one deserves to be treated that way. Here are some resources and contacts you can consider reaching out to:
(MSF | Break The Silence)
They can help you make a safety plan and connect you with counselling services for your husband and you. Please know all of you are very precious.
4)Consider approaching Credit Counselling Singapore
(https://ccs.org.sg/about-us/)
They can help you with budgeting daily expenses and work out a financial repayment plan for you that would allow you to slowly work towards becoming debt-free.
Please do not be discouraged, and always remember, you are not alone. Reach out to trusted friends, family, or professionals for support. With help, you can get through this challenging time. Your children need you, and you are strong enough to build a better future for your family. Wishing you all the best. Please always take good care of yourself, remember you are deeply precious! 
heyyy so so sorry to hear all that youre going through… there s really so much that you are bearing, i think @Wombat’s suggestion to reach out for assistance will really be helpful to take care parts of your concern, say food for your family and for your kids especially.
i hear you reflected on your actions and that it has contributed to your current circumstances in certain ways, and i really admire your strength in doing so and also remaining present for your family in these difficult difficult times. even realising that your actions affect your kids negatively right now takes so much self-awareness and courage, i hope you hear from someone that your efforts and actions are seen and recognised.
i dont know how your husband is as a father and a spouse, but maybe i can share my understanding of a good parent? i believe a good parent is someone who tries his/her best to give the best environment and circumstances to his/her kids, from all aspects of life, physically mentally psychologically. and i hear that you are trying your best 
sooo reaching out for community support in this case will hopefully benefit your family too! we all could use help from time to time
with regards to you and your husband, its really heartwrenching to hear he endangered your safety before 
i truly feel that every relationship is built and strengthened upon through effective and healthy communications with mutual care, understanding and empathy. these are really not easy, so i wonder when the next time you and your husband discuss about such matters, is there anyone you both trust to be present and support you two? your safety really is of utmost importance okie!!
i know i am not of much help TT but hope we can bring you at least any bit of comfort and care 