Anxiety over a new career after 14 years break and getting a PPO from son

I am having extreme anxiety as I am going to face new challenges iny life.I have a good family but my 27 years old son had been creatting problems for me since he was 17.I have tried talking to him but he gets more violent and bolder with his actions.He refuses to talk and creates an unhappy environment at home.He breaks things,bangs door ,uses vulgaraties and purposely chooses wee hours sich as 3am to break and bang things.I had enough and will be taking a PPO against him as I am afraid soon he will hurt my husband ,me and my other children.
He swings hammer at us but haven’t hurt us but i think it is a warning.
I am really scared when he will be served the summon as I know he will create more problems.
Due to the continuous problems he had created i have developed fybromyalgia and had to be admitted several times in the hospital.
I will be also starting a new career after a 14 years break next week and I am afraid that the work anxiety and the strss caused by my son will cause me to have a mental breakdown.At times I am contemplating suicide but i worry for my youngest son who is a teenager.
Can anyone pls help me on how do I handle all these?Please help,I want to live but I am scared to do so

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Hi @Chef77

I am sorry to hear about your struggles at home and thank you for coming here to share with us. It sounds difficult to have such experiences and I cannot imagine how you have been coping with this.

It seems like your son has issues with managing himself when he is angry and it has been happening over the past 10 years. Has he seek support before and I wonder if you have talked to people about this as well? I hear your concerns about you and your family’s safety when your son gets angry and starts breaking things in the house. While you mentioned that he has not hurt you or your family, it can affect all of you emotionally.

I am not sure if you have considered seeking support on his behalf. It might be helpful for your son to learn some coping techniques to cope with when he is angry. It is for the safety for you and your family as well. While you might have concerns about triggering him and possibly causing hurt, it could be more helpful to you and everyone in your family in the long run. You can look into the services and you can check with them on the processes before you give consent to them before they follow up on your case. They may even provide you with some advice regarding your consideration in applying for a PPO.

Here are some resources for you to consider:
National Anti-Violence and Sexual Harassment Helpline (24 hours hotline): 1800-777-0000
PAVE - Integrated service for family violence, child protection and sexual abuse: 6555 0390

It sounds like you feel desperate at this moment and maybe that’s why you had thoughts about ending it all. I am glad to hear of your protective factors, like your youngest son and starting a new career. These are things that are very important to you and I hope you focus more on them. You might want to consider seeking support as well, to help with your coping when you feel anxious and overwhelmed.
I have a few techniques to share below, which you can try when you are feeling stressed.

  1. Deep breathing: Sit yourself in a comfortable position. Take a deep breath and let it out slowly. Do it a few times until you feel better.
  2. Self-compassion: Be kind to yourself and let yourself know that you are doing your best for you and your family.
  3. Engage in activities that you enjoy. Give yourself a positive distraction and possibly a sense of achievement.
  4. Talk to someone. Take some time to talk to your friends or a trusted family member to help yourself gain new insights or emotional support.
  5. Stretch out. Do a few simple stretches to relieve muscle tension and possibly improve your mood.

If you are open to seeking professional support, you may also consider the following options.

Singapore Association for Mental Health (SAMH): 1800-283 7019
TOUCHLINE: 1800-377-2252
Care Corner Counselling Centre: 1800-353 5800

I hope things get better for you. Do take care!

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Hi,

Thanks for your reply.

I have already seeked PAVE to assist me with this and will be meeting them soon.

I have approached Care Corner for help on his anger management but he had refused it and caused more severe problems.

I feel that he knows what is he doing as he is holding 3 jobs and is doing well but there cpuld be reasons I am unaware of and will be unaware as he never talks but shout pr throw obscenities.

I will try the methods you have written but will be grateful to anyone who could advise on how to manage the time when the petition would be served to the time the case goes to trial for PPO and DEO

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Hey @Chef77 I wanted to say that it’s a very brave and big decision that you’re taking. Especially when it’s a part of your own flesh and blood that you have to take this action against. I hope you know that you are not at fault for your son’s actions, and that you are taking important steps to protecting the rest of your family.

In terms of coping, how much time do you have to spend together with your son? You mentioned that he is holding 3 jobs, and that you will be starting a new career soon. Perhaps this could be an opportunity for you to create a bit more distance from this son, and you could have your husband and other children join you in spending time outside of the house, away from your 27 year old, for the safety of you and your family.

Minimizing the number of objects available for your son to break, putting stick on sound dampeners on the doors that you get from hardware stores could also be useful practical measures to help reduce stress for yourself. Or even buying earplugs for you and your family while you sleep. Anything to help you survive until the PPO goes through! Do let me know your thoughts, we can brainstorm ideas together. Rooting for you!

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Hi,Thanks for your reply.He is holding three jobs but he doesn’t need to go to work everyday.I only knew he was holding 3 jobs from Linkedin but later he blocked me from there too.
The thing is like I mentioned he starts his nuisances after 12pm till early morning when the family needs to sleep.He purposely picks up that time to create the noise,banging and breaking.
He usually breaks my bidets,shower pipes ,toilet door,gates etc which cannot be moved or disabled.
I can try the earplugs but the moment he starts my anxiety starts.
At times he goes for a couple of days break and juat when I feel at peace he would start again and that really unwinds me and starts my panic attcks.
I hope I get my PPO soon and am worried about the percussions of serving the PPO.
Day by day i am just hoping that i would be killed in a car accident etc to end this

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Hi @Chef77, I’m really sorry to hear that it’s been causing you so much pain.

I wonder if it would help to prioritize your concerns in this situation, and then ask for recommendations from your caseworker at PAVE. For example, in order of importance,

  1. You should absolutely ensure that you and your family members are physically safe and unharmed. If he violates this, calling the police to ensure the safety of you and your loved ones might be necessary.

  2. Ensuring that you are able to get adequate rest. If you are unable to get rest, perhaps moving in with another relative temporarily until the PPO goes through might be helpful? Just so that you can rest and function at your new workplace.

  3. Preventing damage to the house. Unfortunately, unless your son is moved out of the house this doesn’t seem to be possible.

You’ve mentioned how difficult things are and how you’ve considered thoughts of dying as an escape. I hope that you find the strength inside you to continue despite these hardships, as you still have a family that relies on you.

You mentioned that you’re afraid if your son gets served summons, and what will happen after the PPO. Can I ask what you are afraid of in these scenarios?

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