Broke up + scammed + trying to make ends meet

Ask a Therapist Coping
1

Hi everyone, I’m new here and hope that I can get some advice from you guys about my situation.

Back in Sep 2024, I broke up with my ex-boyfriend of 6 years because of adulting stress and career dilemma. I know it takes 2 hands to clap, so I believe that I gave him some form of stress which gave him the career dilemma, and he told me that he felt restricted because he has to consider about me whenever he makes a decision or plans. He suggested to have a 2 years break from the relationship for us to figure out what we want, give us some time to forget about each other before developing ourselves. Funny thing is, we got together and broke up via text.

Because of this, it took me some time to digest and give myself a chance to meet someone new (via online apps because SG guys wont take a look at me :joy:). Met someone who was really different, able to give me emotional support and taught me how to be confident with myself. Things were going well for about 1.5mths before he introduced a private investment platform that he joined as well. Projects require loans to recharge and invest, so I took a few bank loans under his guidance. He allegedly borrowed $30k from his friend to help me complete the project too. But when I was ready to withdraw the winnings after project completion, password was entered 3 times wrongly by me and the account froze. To unfreeze and review it, I would need to recharge 100% of the amount in the account - $73k+. I felt so bad about it so I had to follow his instructions to get more loan. However, the last 15k was unable to get and I lost everything (above 90k). He started to threaten me and asked me to return his friend’s 30k, which I didnt have at all. I raised a police report on the platform without informing him. I started to ignore his texts by not opening the chat, and one day, he sent me my NRIC number and threatened me to reply as he had no patience with me anymore. Till date, I have no idea how he got hold of my NRIC. Hence, I suspected that he was part of the scam. I went to make a 2nd police report on him. As of now, no news from the police and I have to live with the fear of him appearing infront of me anytime. At this point, I’m finding ways to get extra income to cover the monthly repayment loans, which is more than my salary.

Because of him, I dont dare to meet new friends. I have the fear of knowing new people with the risk of me trusting them and following blindly again. I have no idea what else I can do to make myself feel better about whatever that has happened for the past 6 months…

1 Like
2

Dear @user2234

Thank you for being so open and vulnerable—it takes a lot of strength to share something like this, especially when you’re still living with the emotional and financial weight of it all. First and most importantly: what happened to you is not your fault. You were manipulated by someone who took advantage of your trust, your kindness, and your vulnerability. That says everything about him—not about your worth, your intelligence, or your heart.

You didn’t “follow blindly.” You loved and trusted someone who made you feel supported, and that’s what most of us hope for when we open our hearts. The fact that he twisted that into control and exploitation is cruel and deeply wrong. Your instinct to make a police report was brave and absolutely the right thing to do, even if things still feel uncertain right now.

You’re not alone in this. Many people who are intelligent, capable, and kind have fallen victim to similar scams because emotional manipulation is powerful. These individuals know exactly how to build false trust and create pressure—and your willingness to care, give, and try to make things right shows your strength, not weakness.

Right now, it’s understandable that you feel scared, isolated, and exhausted. But please also hear this: you are not broken. You’re someone who has been hurt, yes—but you’re still here, still standing, still fighting to make things better. That’s incredibly powerful.

Here are a few things you can do next—not to erase the past, but to start gently caring for your future:

1. Continue to protect yourself.

You’ve done the right thing by filing police reports. Keep all screenshots, texts, and proof, even if it’s painful. You might also want to:

  • Inform your bank(s) to monitor for suspicious activity
  • Check with the police if your NRIC can be flagged for identity misuse.
  • Speak to Credit Counselling Singapore (CCS) for support managing loan repayments—they help people in exactly this kind of situation

2. Remind yourself: Your instincts are learning, not broken.

It’s normal to feel like you can’t trust yourself or others right now. That’s trauma talking. Give yourself permission to heal before jumping into new relationships. The fact that you’re reflecting, asking questions, and being cautious now shows growth, not weakness.

3. You deserve support—don’t carry this alone.

If you can, talk to a therapist or counsellor.

4. You are allowed to grieve everything you’ve lost—trust, money, love, safety.

It’s okay to be sad. It’s okay to feel stuck. And it’s okay to take time to feel safe again. You’ve been through an emotional and financial trauma, and you deserve kindness—not only from others, but from yourself.

You are not alone, and you are not beyond recovery. You are someone who gave love freely, and was taken advantage of—but that does not make you less deserving of healthy, trustworthy relationships in the future. One day, when you’re ready, you will rebuild those connections—with stronger boundaries and even more self-respect than before.

And until then, you can take things one breath, one step, one small win at a time. You’re not defined by what happened to you—you’re defined by the courage it takes to keep going. You matter, and better days can come. Please continue to reach out whenever you are ready. :yellow_heart:

1 Like
3

Hey, thank you so much for sharing so openly. it takes so much strength to open up about something so painful and complex. I’m really sorry you had to go through all this.

I just want to say: you’re not stupid, and you’re not weak. What happened says everything about him…not about you.

Even though it feels overwhelming now, you have already done such brave things – going to the police, cutting him off, looking for ways to move forward.
that’s a strength.
you are not alone in this, we are here for you.

I know it’s hard to see right now, especially since you’re in such a sensitive place, but with time, your trust in others will come back…you are healing :folded_hands:

2 Likes
4

Sounds like a very elaborated and well coordinated scam. Have you met this person before in real life?

5

(post deleted by author)

6

Before all these happened, we wanted to meet before he flew back to hometown but plan cancelled due to his work. So, nope didnt meet him in person.

I have saved his pictures in case it will help with the investigation.

1 Like
7

@user2234, I am so sorry that you’ve been through such a painful and challenging experience. Navigating heartbreak is already hard enough, but to then find yourself betrayed and threatened by someone you trusted deeply is devastating. The fear, the financial strain, and the loss of confidence—it’s clear you’ve had to bear so much. Please remember that you’re not alone in this, and that your courage in sharing your story shows immense strength.

What you’ve done so far—reporting the scam, seeking legal help, and continuing to push forward despite the weight of it all—speaks volumes about your resilience. It’s absolutely okay to feel hesitant about meeting new people after everything that’s happened. Trust takes time to rebuild, and setting boundaries is part of healing. Consider reaching out to support groups or speaking with a counselor who can help you process these emotions and rebuild your confidence. You deserve to feel safe, and to find genuine connections without fear.

As for the financial burden, while it’s overwhelming, there may be resources available to help—whether it’s debt management organizations, financial advisors, or even seeking part-time opportunities to ease the repayments. The road ahead might seem daunting, but step by step, things will get better. You’re stronger than you realize, and this chapter will not define your story. I believe in your ability to move forward, and you deserve all the kindness and care you can give yourself along the way.

2 Likes
8

yeah good idea to save the pictures and conversations but I’m also mindful that these pictures could be fake. what was the police’s advice? there’s a good chance that if this is a scam, he probably won’t dare to appear in front of you (but to be safe, it’s better to get advice from the police)

1 Like
9

I would want to believe that the personal info he shared with me previously are real, because he deleted his pictures and workplace name from the chat. As of now, still no update from the Investigation Officers.

1 Like
10

hope the Investigation Officers get back to you soon. I can imagine how traumatizing it is (my mum almost got scammed in a similar way too). It’ll take time for you to get over this but start small and slowly rebuild your life - you have a long way ahead

1 Like
11

hi @user2234 ,

Thank you for sharing your experiences. I feel you completely! It must be really tough on you to go through break up and being scammed. Just like others have mentioned, none of these is your fault, and you should not blame yourself.

Feeling hesitant to meet new people after such a traumatic experience is completely natural. Trusting others again will take time, and it is important to prioritize your safety and well-being.
Just like @HanSolo2000 has mentioned, seeking professional help might be beneficial in processing these events and rebuilding your confidence. Additionally, connecting with supportive friends or family members can provide a sense of security and comfort.

To help protect yourself from similar situations in the future, you might find this article (Top 5 Scams in Singapore & How To Avoid Them (2025)) useful.

You are not alone in this. Take things one step at a time, and be kind to yourself as you navigate through this difficult period. We are always here to listen. :slight_smile:

4 Likes
12

@Rotovap Thank you for your words of affirmation and encouragement! :+1:

1 Like
13

Hey, thank you so much for sharing your story. I can’t imagine how heavy and overwhelming the past few months must have been for you. Just reading this, I can feel how much you’ve been through; from the heartbreak to the betrayal and the financial stress.

It’s so unfair that someone took advantage of your vulnerability when you were just trying to heal and move forward. Please don’t blame yourself too much as it will only hinder you from moving forward; The fact that you trusted someone isn’t a weakness, it’s actually a reflection of your sincerity and openness. Unfortunately, there are people out there like that who exist, and I’m really sorry this happened to you.

You’re doing the right thing by reporting it and protecting yourself, even if it feels scary or uncertain now. I hope the police will follow up soon, and in the meantime, maybe look into speaking with a counselor or support group — not because you’re broken, but because you deserve support while you rebuild from this.

Also, you’re not alone in this. So many people have gone through something similar. You’re not stupid, you’re not weak — you were hopeful and trusted someone who didn’t deserve it. And honestly, even with everything that’s happened, the fact that you’re still trying to move forward, find ways to repay the loans, and protect yourself shows how incredibly strong you are.

Moreover, moving forward, you’ll be much more discerning about who to trust, much smarter and aware. It’s easy to judge people who fall for scams, which is why we feel shameful and embarrassed when we find ourselves as victims. But remember that this happens to more people than we know, and most of them probably keep it to themselves because of the shame they feel. You can also read and learn more about the various scams that exist to avoid these situations again.

You got this :slight_smile: Jiayou!

2 Likes