So… I am a victim of a scam and I am struggling. To give some context, I met a guy on the app. He’s a sweet and nice guy, whom actually have pretty much the qualities of what many look out for. We chatted for a bit and got together. Shortly after, he introduced me to a private investment platform. I had my doubts initially because I was all along very careful with my money. I did not want to part take in the investment but he got all upset and angry at me for not wanting to do so. So I felt bad and told him, I will only do so on my terms. The site looks pretty legit anyway. There were some returns at the start. However, things went down hill thereafter. I invested another sum of money (approximately 30k) and he helped to invest about 20k to which he claimed 15k was borrowed money from his manager. just when I wanted to withdraw the money, password was keyed in wrongly and my money was locked. The only way to unlock it was to top up 80% of the amount in the investment account (that was approximately 90k ish). He then was being nice saying (in retrospect he pretended to be nice) that we will get through this together and get the money back. The only way as he suggested was through bank loans, which I took up multiple under his guidance. Other things happened along the way that constantly requires money to be recharged into the account. So the amount of loan I took just kept growing. Throughout it all, he still tried to make sure that I was alright, eating, and sleeping well. He even said that he borrowed from unlicensed money lender to help me pay for my mistake because I did not key in the correct password. I felt really bad
But of course it was all part of his plan to sweet talk his way through and manipulate me, thereafter I did not get the money back. Throughout the whole time, he was still trying to tell me that he would settle the bank loan for me and tell me not to worry when I told him I clearly would not be able to pay back.
I overall lost my savings (approximately 70k) and was slapped with bank loans (that is over 100k), and borrowed money from my family and friends (42k). By the time I realised it was a scam, all was too late. I still went ahead to make a police report.
He put me in debt. Thankfully, my relative helped to repay all my loans so that I don’t have to pay the interests.
Right now, I am struggling to recover financially and emotionally. Thought to myself that I should have trusted my instinct then and be more careful. I don’t know how else I can move forward from here although I am really trying. I feel very suffocated. I feel like I am isolating myself from my friends because of shame. I am also stressed about how I can repay the debts to my family while trying to strive for financial independence because I really dislike this feeling of not being able to buy what I want and having to think twice or thrice because I spend any money. This is a lot of pressure and stress mentally.
Thank you for sharing this painful experience you went through and being very open about how it has affected you. I believe the episode is affecting a lot as there was unscrupulous manipulation and betrayal of trust. Please know it is only human to have let your guard down and to second guess yourself when the scammer showed concern.
I have seen that scammers are skilled at creating false intimacy and urgency, making you doubt your instincts, and weaving situations where you feel trapped. The fact that you trusted illustrates you have a trusting heart, and unfortunately, someone unscrupulous took advantage of that.
It’s okay to grieve what you’ve lost. That includes the money, the trust you placed in someone, and the sense of safety you had before this happened. I fully understand and believe It’s natural to feel anger, sadness, and even shame. However please know that those feelings don’t define you. If you can, consider talking to a counsellor. Sometimes just having a safe space to talk can take away some of the sting. You don’t need to tell everyone the details, but seek support from friends who bring warmth and genuine and unconditional kindness into your life.
Please also do not be discouraged on the financial side. I have observed that even small, steady steps will help you feel in control again. It may help to work out a repayment arrangement with your family that you can realistically manage, even if it’s a small monthly amount. Setting aside a little money regularly, no matter how little, can slowly rebuild your safety net and confidence.
Please do strongly consider avoiding any future risky investments henceforth and keep your savings in safe, regulated accounts as this can contribute towards peace of mind.
I also wish to gently remind you that this scam is something that happened to you and it is certainly not who you are. I encourage you to choose to see this as evidence that you courageously survived something manipulative and are taking brave steps to rebuild.
Give yourself small moments of joy, even while you’re repaying debts. You are stronger than you may feel right now. I applaud your attitude of moving forward and see a lot of resilience in you.
This has been such a painful experience. Reading this, my heart goes out to you. It is scary that he was kind to you, which can create deeper positive emotions, yet it was an act of manipulation. I hear how there’s not just the physical lost of your savings, but I can imagine there’s that emotional hurt as well.
What you have gone through is not your fault, and there is no shame in what has happened to you. In this time of challenge, you are all the more deserving of love and support from the people that matter to you.
Although the current situation is new, it will not last forever. Although it will take time, you will get back on your feet. The thoughts of not being able to buy the things you want and spend like how you used to may sound scary, but it is a temporary arrangement and won’t last forever.
Take care of yourself in this time, and if you need further support don’t hesitate to reach out
Hi @user3298, I am so sorry to hear you went through this. Not only did this person take advantage of you, he also made you feel bad for something that was not your fault at all. I would like to ask if the police are able to help with claiming back the money that you lost? I believe that it is not fair to you considering a huge sum of money was involved. Although it is hard, try not to beat yourself up over this. The scammer is the one who exploited your kindness for his own self interest while you were being nothing but compassionate. In the future, however, do remain extra cautious in order to not have a repeat of similar events. I genuinely hope that the relevant authorities can help you recover your lost money and give you peace of mind following this turmoil. My heart goes out to you
Hi @user3298, it sounds like you’ve been carrying so much, both the emotional weight from what happened with the scam and the pressure of the debt you now owe to your family. You’ve been through something deeply manipulative and unfair, and I can only imagine how heavy that must feel, especially when you trusted someone you thought cared about you. The shame, the isolation, and the constant second-guessing with money must be exhausting.
I want you to know that none of this makes you weak or foolish. Scammers are skilled at creating trust and then exploiting it, and you were targeted during a time when your guard was lowered because of the relationship. That’s not a reflection of your worth or intelligence, even if it feels that way now.
The fact that you’ve already made a police report and are trying to rebuild shows that you’re taking steps forward, even if progress feels slow. Your relative stepping in to help you is also a sign that you have people in your life who care about you and believe you’re worth helping.
When you feel suffocated by the debt and shame, maybe it could help to focus on very small, achievable steps, both for your finances and for your emotional health. For example, breaking repayment goals into manageable parts, or gradually reconnecting with friends who can support you without judgment. Sometimes, talking to others who have gone through similar scams (such as in support groups) can also help take away that sense of isolation.
You’ve already shown resilience by facing the reality of the scam and trying to move forward. Rooting for you .
