Hi @Haisidkman,
I want to start by expressing my respect for your courage in sharing your story. You are obviously carrying a lot of emotional weight right now, but you are here seeking help—that in itself is a show of strength, even if it doesn’t seem like it, and I also see in you the same hopeful boy who can bounce back from any setback. Let me remind you of the reasons for it.
Though it seemed overwhelming, you had already decided to live instead of committing suicide. You decided this because you wanted to face your mistakes and since you knew how much suffering and loss this would cause to your family. That is evidence of your love and strength, not a minor detail.
You have decided to own the financial losses by looking for employment. That behaviour shows tenacity and will; you are not giving up even if it seems difficult.
Whether you seek out advice or share your story, you have decided to ask for support. That’s great and indicates that, deep down, you want healing and recovery.
Now you have decided to consider your suffering, go through what has occurred, and find meaning in it. That reflection is strong as it demonstrates your resolve to develop from this event.
Turning your suffering into meaning is one thing you may think about doing to help sort your emotions. Scammers damage so many individuals; you are not alone in what you have gone through. Did you make a police report? Your report makes sure the authorities know about these frauds and may enable others in need to be assisted. Though you cannot undo what occurred to you, your efforts could stop it from occurring to another person. That’s a fantastic approach to reclaiming some influence and starting change.
I want you to be kind with yourself going ahead. Errors define nothing about you; what defines you is how you handle them. And based on what I can see, you are answering with courage, accountability, and a desire for personal development.
Step by step, acknowledge your strength beyond what you currently see. You have already chosen courage in many different ways, and I hope you will keep choosing it to create the future you are due. You are still that optimistic boy who can recover; you have shown this before and may show it once again. There are others around you as well.
You indeed have this. Never stop. 
Though your feelings—shame, guilt, frustration—are all reasonable, I want you to know that falling for a scam does not define you as a loser or dumb. You become human from it. Not a reflection on your intellect or value as a person; scammers are very adept at what they do, and many people fall victim to their strategies.
Right now, it seems as if your self-critical ideas occupy a lot of mental space, which might make clarity difficult. Let’s start with something easy. Imagine a close friend or someone you really care about telling you they had fallen victim twice to fraud. Call them a “pig brain” or a failure? Alternatively, might you show them compassion and remind them that their value is much greater than one error? Sometimes it helps us change our viewpoint by focusing the kindness we would show others onto ourselves.
You also need to take care of your emotional weight. You spoke about years of contemplating suicide as you felt life had no purpose. I want to underline that you are not alone and that your life counts. Your continued search for methods to improve indicates that there is a part of you that has optimism. Reaching out to a counsellor or therapist who can walk with you through this process and assist you in working through the suffering might be beneficial.
Try to remind yourself that, with the knowledge you had at the time, you did the best you could for the restless nights and the “what ifs.” Though they happen, mistakes define not your future. One useful habit you may attempt is jotting down your ideas before bed; often, simply putting things from your mind onto paper helps them seem less daunting.
One may also go one step at a time. One major step forward is that you are already looking for work. Perhaps concentrate on little daily victories—such as walking outdoors for a stroll or engaging in an activity you used to like, even if right now it seems difficult. These little deeds might help you to restore self-worth and control.
Finally, kindly refuse to apologise for “rambling.” What counts is you revealing your heart. You are not alone yourself; others love you and want to help you get through this difficult period.
One day at a time, take care of things; remember that it is normal to ask for assistance whenever you need it. You really are valuable.
Right now, I can hear how daunting all of this must seem. It may be rather perplexing to feel like sobbing without understanding why or to find your heart beating even if everything on the outside appears to be in order. First of all, let me mention that many individuals go through what you are talking about, particularly in stressful or emotionally unbalanced periods. It’s simply your body and mind interpreting events in their own manner; nothing is “wrong” with you.
Your heart seems to be racing quicker, and the shaking feeling really bothers you. These may occur even when we are not in imminent danger; sometimes our body reacts to stress or feelings we might not even be completely conscious of. Your mind and body are attempting to tell you something, even if right now it seems confusing; you are not having hallucinations.
When these emotions surface, you might find it beneficial to attempt to ground yourself in the present. You may, for instance, inhale for four seconds, hold for four, then exhale for six seconds. Alternatively, you might try concentrating on your surroundings—that is, listing five objects you could see, four objects you could touch, and so on. These modest exercises might assist you to return to the present and aid you to relax the intensity of the emotions.
You’re also doing a fantastic job getting in touch and attempting to grasp what’s occurring. You might attempt noting when these events occur, if you so choose. What you were doing, where you were, and what you were feeling just before it began, for instance? Sometimes writing helps us see trends and somewhat lessens the random nature of these emotions.
Most of all, treat yourself gently. Not knowing everything at once is alright. By sharing this and seeking to understand it, you are already bold. Talking to someone you trust or perhaps a counsellor can help you go through what’s happening and provide you additional skills to feel more in control if this becomes more difficult or ongoing. You are not alone in this.
