I may have talked about this before about how my mom can turn any conversation or just any event sour. Today I went on a shopping tour to woodlands and it went so well. But when I get home, during dinner my mom suddenly trash talks my dad saying how bad his English is (we’re foreigners living in SG) in a bullying kind of way. Then asked me who was better, her or my dad, in terms of being smart. I simply said both. She disliked that, and I didn’t knew what else to say and asked if she expected me to say it was her.
Then things got worse. My mom brings up the time I accidentally said my dad’s English is bad in a public event, in front of one of my friends. Back then, it was actually more of a joke, but I later realized that time that neither she or my dad can take jokes. At this point, it gets more confusing. In summary, she just trash talked my dad, then me, then uses trash talk of me against my dad, and finally trash talks the both of us. In summary, my mom is just going too far.
Just now she suddenly comes into my room, saying I am prohibited from calling, texting mental helplines or just getting mental health advice. She says it’s “not necessary” for us and whatever issues we have should remain within our home. And then she brings up the fact it might just be some scams.
I can’t take it anymore. I just want to leave the house and live somewhere else. I’m already going to start poly and wanted to live in a hostel. But my controlling mom insists I just stay at home instead.
I really can’t do this anymore. At this point she can discover this website too.
Dear @undying_sun
Thank you for reaching out. I can feel how emotionally draining and confusing the situation with your mom is. Understandably it has been very hard for you.
May I recommend that you take steps to protect your mental health as a priority. For example, when you find that mom is trying to draw you into an unhealthy conversation especially one that steers towards criticism of dad and yourself, keep replies short and neutral.
It’s also relatable that you are wanting support outside the family. Your mother saying to “keep it in the home” while hurting you does not protect you.
It would be therefore good for you to consider continuing to seek support from mental health providers albeit discreetly. I observe it provides respite and an outlet for you during this challenging time. If needed, password protect your phone and communication devices. Also, consider texting the mindline hotline at +65 6669 1771 if calling the hotline is not possible. The service is available 24/7 so you can get immediate support.
I also read that you will starting poly soon. That is a big milestone and an achievement to be proud about especially considering your challenging home environment.
May I suggest speaking to the poly lecturers on your course load, expectations and school hours first before bringing up the topic of staying at a hostel.
Once you have a clearer idea of school load, you may have more information to justify why staying at a hostel would be beneficial. To live in a hostel for poly is reasonable, I see it as a means to reduce travel time, gain peace and independence.
Please continue reaching out for support when needed as you carefully manoeuvre this challenging situation. 
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