I’ve been single all my life, it’s not that I’m not attractive to the opposite sex, I’ve just always been shy, experience social anxiety, and fear of rejection. I’ve dated, but have never been with someone long term, my longest relationship being 2 years. To compound on top of that, I worked for a company that had operations in Asia (Korea and China), and spent a lot of time in those countries, Korea 3 years and China 2 years, so not having the time to foster any lasting relationships. I did date a girl in my time in China, but it turned out she was married and was just looking for the novelty of being with an American. When I wouldn’t marry her, she just went back to her husband, and was gone from my life as fast as she came into it.
During my time in Korea, I met someone new - Xu is originally from China, and came to Korea to work. When I was with her I felt loved and appreciated. When my time was up in Asia, and it was time to come home, she was genuinely sad, and so was I. That was a couple of years ago, we’ve kept in touch, texting each other periodically ever since. She’ll share pics of dishes from restaurants we’ve gone to, and I’ll share pics of parks and other places I visit.
Coming back home, I still haven’t met anyone that I can have a serious relationship with. So I’m back to my single life, hanging out with friends when I feel lonely.
Xu is back in China right now, and she’s inviting me to come and visit her. I may just do that, as I’ve had nothing but good experiences when I’m with her. I know the city she’s in right now like the back of my hand, I spent two years navigating Chinese society and am familiar with the customs, culture and pitfalls
It sounds like you’ve had a unique and complex journey when it comes to relationships. You’ve experienced the challenges of social anxiety and fear of rejection, which can make it difficult to connect with someone in a lasting way. At the same time, your career kept you constantly moving, making it even harder to build something long-term. Despite that, you sought companionship in different ways, navigating cultural differences and unconventional relationships. It’s understandable that forming deep bonds was complicated, and that you still long for a meaningful connection.
Your experiences with Xu stand out as something truly special. She made you feel seen and appreciated in a way that felt authentic and comforting. Even though the circumstances were unconventional, the connection between you was real, and that’s why you still keep in touch. It makes sense that revisiting that bond feels appealing—it’s a space where you felt warmth and understanding, something that isn’t easy to find. It also sounds like you appreciate that familiarity, given your previous experience navigating the culture and city where she is now.
At the heart of this, it seems like what you truly seek is a genuine and lasting connection with someone who understands and values you. It’s understandable that finding that in a traditional relationship hasn’t been easy, and that past experiences have left you wary. Whatever path you choose next, I hope you find something that brings you peace and fulfillment—whether it’s rekindling something familiar with Xu or exploring new opportunities for connection. You deserve companionship that feels real and meaningful, in a way that supports your happiness.
Best regards, HanSolo2000
Befriender | let’s talk by mindline
Hey, thanks for sharing your story. It sounds like you’ve had quite the journey navigating relationships and companionship, especially across different countries and cultures. I understand how finding real, meaningful connections can be difficult, especially with social anxiety and the fear of rejection you mentioned.
What really stands out is how you’ve learned to distinguish between genuine connections and more transactional interactions. It’s tough when searching for companionship, and sometimes things can get complicated, but it’s clear that you’ve gained insight into what you truly value in relationships.
Your connection with Xu sounds really meaningful, and it’s great that you’ve stayed in touch over the years. Despite the distance and the nature of the relationship, it seems genuine. I can understand why you’d want to visit her again—it could offer more clarity or closure.
Given your history together, visiting her sounds like a good idea if it feels right to you. Just take it one step at a time and see where it leads. It’s clear you’ve been thoughtful about this connection.
Ultimately, everyone deserves to feel loved and appreciated. Finding the right balance between staying open to new experiences and staying true to what you want in a partner is key. Whatever path you take, I hope it leads you to the happiness and connection you’re seeking.
I have to say I’m a bit disappointed, a moderator edited my life story to the point it’s completely out of context. Imagine listing your journey from A to B to C, but now all everyone sees is A, skipping B and going straight to C. If the pre-edited version can be accessed, I would suggest reading that if possible. The reason I shared my story is because of how unique it was. I’m hoping the mods will restore the original
Not sure if what i am reading was what you had originally posted, but i can empathize with what you are experiencing – that void inside you which you are trying to fill. I have to say it really does sound like Xu has filled that void to some extent. I wish you all the best in your upcoming meeting with Xu in China, and i hope the both of you can establish something lasting
