Hi,
I came back from a year abroad in Europe. And am having an enormously hard time adapting back to “regular structured life”. I went from countless novel experiences meeting new people, places and living completely on my own with full autonomy of my life, back to living with my parents, having to stick to family meal times, working a regular 9-5 for internship and not meeting people much because everyone in Singapore is so busy. I’ve always found the life in Singapore fast paced and too stifling. Coming back from my travels, it confirms that notion even more. I dream of a life free of responsibilities of family and work (at least for a bit while I figure out and try as many things as I can in my 20s). Not having friends to speak to suddenly also means I spend most of my time spiralling into bad thoughts and ruminating.
And here’s where it gets more complicated. I’m turning 23 this year. I met a Polish guy while travelling and am in a committed long term relationship with him for the last 6 months, of which only 1 month and a week was spent with each other in person. The rest of the time we were calling.
Unfortunately, I’ve been depressed and detached ever since I came back, more than I’ve anticipated and that has strained our relationship a lot. He doesn’t know how to support me and I can’t force myself to be happy for us to have a “normal” conversation. I’m already feeling so down, so the constant arguments with him and the lack of support means I feel even worse. I feel stuck. Like I can’t move forward but I also can’t move back. Like I’m free falling yet staying firmly stuck in quicksand, like I’m existing in an in-between state of transition.
A few friends told me it will take a long while to adjust, and while I am trying to give myself space and validate being sad instead of rushing through it, my boyfriend can’t understand why I would say that. He says “if you’re anticipating being sad for awhile, then of course you’ll be sad”. He’s taking more of a “just look on the bright side, be positive” stance which makes me feel even more lonely than I already am, and invalidated. Sometimes I leave our conversation even more down than when I first came online. I know he feels helpless. And I feel a subtle pressure that he’s just waiting for me to get better so we can go back to being “normal” again as soon as possible. I feel stuck.
I tried taking a break before but on his end that seems to mean we are taking one step towards break up. So I had to come out of the break prematurely. There was a handful of days where I woke up feeling motivated, and optimistic. We had such good loving conversations then. But then the next day I wake up feeling such an overwhelming sense that things could never be good again… and when we call he expected that happy person but the person he got instead was distant and emotionless. I don’t know what to do.
