it’s like when you are hanging out with friends you can be all happy and interactive but when you are alone, you are all depressed and having some rather intrusive thoughts.
Over time, these low moods has creeped into my work life and it has made working difficult and managing my moods hard hence I’m now on a career break.
But I really struggle to explain to people why I’m on a career break or why I no longer feel like hanging out because I do notice I now need a longer time to recover from such social events when I get home.
Is this normal or am I just weird.
A Childhood friend whom I had recently met up with, noticed how I have changed and just reminded me that I used to be the cheerleader of the group. Oh how I miss this old me. I wonder where this person has gone. What has adulting done to me?
Dear @wildflower,
When you said you can be all happy and interactive with friends but depressed when alone, it sounds like you’ve been working very hard to keep up a front. Almost like a placating stance, showing the “okay” side in front of others, while inside you’re struggling. That takes a lot of energy, and it makes sense that work became too heavy to manage, leading to your career break. It doesn’t make you weak, it shows how much you’ve been carrying.
Explaining a career break or why you need more recovery after social events can feel hard, especially when or if you are thinking people still expect you to be the “cheerleader of the group.” That cheerleader image is strong, but it also leaves little room for being tired, sad, or vulnerable. Missing that version of yourself means you value the energy and connection you once felt.
Adulting brings new demands. It’s like moving schools and needing to adjust to new environments and people. Except now the changes are bigger and take longer. Different people adapt at different speeds. You’ve adapted before, and those strengths are still with you.
Maybe what matters now is asking yourself: what parts of that “old me” do I want to keep as authentic to myself? the joy? the warmth? the connection? And how can I allow the current me to also be accepted, even when I’m not always upbeat?
Needing longer recovery is normal. Struggling with moods is human. And even if you’re not the “cheerleader” all the time, you’re still valuable, still worthy of care, and still learning how to live this phase of adulthood in your own way.
1 Like
Hey @Wildflower
Thank you for sharing from such a vulnerable part of yourself, doing so must have required much courage and I want to let you know that this is greatly admired.
I hear your tiredness and exhaustion, I hear how much you have been carrying. You are not weird for feeling this way, your emotions are very real.
It’s okay to be tired, to be real, and to let everything fall. We are human after all and we need to rest. Sometimes we have to fill our own cup before filling that of others. People may not understand that, but as long as we know ourselves and why we do such things, it will be enough~
Wishing a good rest ahead. Many hugs we’re all here for you💙
Hey @Wildflower, I gather you feel a little lost and confused. You become cheerful around friends, but feel low when alone. And now you feel more exhausted from social interactions than before, which confuses you.
It sounds like there is a large difference between the you in social settings and you alone. Given that you’ve mentioned that you have become more exhausted from social interaction, it could be that the version of “you” that you portray to others may be draining you. Is it a front that you’re portraying to show others that you’re okay, when in fact you have problems in your life that you want to share about, such as in your career or your mental health?
I empathise with your frustration over feeling that adulting has changed you completely. Adulting means taking more responsibilities and becoming more independent, which can amount to a lot of stress and unwanted feelings. You may need more time to cope and recover, and that’s okay! You deserve to give yourself the time that you need.
It is tough having to explain why you’re on a career break. Maybe the first step you can take is to be honest about how you feel. Your friends may expect you to be the “cheerleader”, but beyond these expectations are the emotions and troubles you experience. If you feel tired, it’s okay to be honest and say that you’re tired and avoid being further drained.
You’ve transformed into a different person over the years, and you shouldn’t feel bad for that. Give yourself the time you need to recuperate; you need it. Then whenever you feel ready, you’ll be at the right place and right time to go back!
Hey @Wildflower thank you for being so real about this. What you’re describing isn’t weird at all, it’s actually something more people go through than we often realise, especially as we get older and life gets heavier.
That contrast of being upbeat around others but feeling low when you’re alone can be so confusing and exhausting. And when that emotional weight starts spilling into your work life, it makes total sense that you’d need a break. Taking a step back isn’t a weakness; it’s a form of survival. Sometimes you just need space to breathe without having to perform or explain yourself.
It’s also completely okay to feel like you need more time to recover from social stuff now. That doesn’t make you broken, it just means you’re more in tune with what drains you and what fills you up.
And about what your friend said… I hear how much you miss that version of yourself. That part of you isn’t gone , maybe just quieter right now, maybe a little tired. Life, responsibility, and growing up can dim that spark for a while, but it doesn’t mean it’s lost forever.
You’re still you, just going through a tough chapter. And that’s something a lot of us go through, whether we talk about it openly or not.
Be gentle with yourself. You’re not alone in feeling this way.