Recent struggles

Hangouts Adulting
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I made a post about almost 2 weeks ago regarding my constant state of sadness. And now I just want to share some things since my last post.

So after I typed that and I saw what some of yall said, I started to reach out to some of my old friends again, and somehow that didn’t work out very well. I almost actually made plans with an old poly friend of mine only for that friend to cancel on me since she was unwell the night before. I just let it be cause I didn’t want to force her while she was sick.

But then I interacted with some of my current friends and those hurt a little more. One of them barely kept the conversation going where it was just me being interested in how the other party was. The other one was more of how he had been struggling in NS as well as I was. While talking to him was nicer, I couldn’t help but notice how cautious I was in trying not to make the conversation more about me and my bad experiences since I enlisted. That was one of the contributing factors that led to my friendship breakup with my long time close female friend recently. And about her, some days I don’t think about it, other times I just missed her too much. Went to a new spot recently and I started thinking about if I could just bring her there even tho I can’t (cause we’re still not on talking terms).

Having to keep up with work was also exhausting since I had to switch between my work self and my personal self constantly. While trying to deal with lesser sleep on some nights and waking up to that tight chest feeling in the mornings. Even had a pretty bad mental breakdown where I was feeling entirely worthless and realised that I had so many issues with myself that caused me to be where i am now. Just wanted to cry that night.

Anyway, I think this is probably too long to read but basically, it’s been a difficult period of grief and self hatred.

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Hi @imanarrator, it sounds like the last two weeks have been exhausting and lonely for you, reaching out to friends took courage, and when things didn’t go as hoped, it just deepened that ache. On top of that, switching between “work self” and “personal self” while running on little sleep can leave anyone feeling raw. What you’re feeling isn’t a personal failing, it’s a very human response to loss, change, and isolation.

Here are a few things that you can try that might help ease the weight a little.

1. Loosen the pressure on conversations.

When you talk with current friends, it’s understandable you don’t want to seem self-focused. But friendship is a two-way street. It’s okay to share that you’ve been having a rough time. Sometimes even a small, honest sentence “I’ve been feeling down lately” can open the door without overwhelming the other person.

2. Look for small, low-stakes moments of connection.

Rather than big meetups, maybe you can try low-pressure interactions like a short text check-in, a hobby Discord or online community, or a casual activity group (like those board game meetups you’ve enjoyed before). Small, consistent touches can matter more than one big outing.

3. Care for your body to support your mind.

Improving sleep (even by 30–60 minutes) or doing a brief walk or stretch can reduce that tight-chest feeling in the mornings. These aren’t full solutions, but they create a little stability while you process emotions.

4. Consider professional or peer support.

A counselor, therapist, or support group can give you a space where you don’t have to censor yourself. You don’t have to handle this all on your own.

5. Be gentle with your self-talk.

That voice saying you’re “worthless” is a symptom of pain, not the truth about you. You’ve already shown persistence by seeking help, reaching out, and sharing here and that’s evidence of resilience.

You’re not alone in feeling grief and self-doubt, even if it feels isolating right now. Reaching out again whether to a friend, a helpline, or a counselor doesn’t make you a burden. It’s a sign that you’re still fighting for yourself, even when things feel bleak.

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I’m with you @imanarrator . Early 40s, wife, but nobody I would call a close friend except for her. I’ve been trying for a long time to come to terms with that and to be okay with it if that is how I am to be.

I would like to tell you that this path is all roses but the truth is that it isn’t and sometimes I feel so lost and lonely. I have a beautiful team around me to support me; my loving wife, my superb therapist, my spiritual and yoga angel. But even so it’s still only me who has to get me through the loneliest nights.

Sending lots of virtual love and hugs from someone who knows how you feel.

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