Hate this constant state of sadness

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Hi I’m new to this forum and after reading the posts here I too felt like I could share some of my thoughts that have been bothering me for some time.

I’m 21 (about to turn 22 this year) and I’m currently serving my National Service. So far my life right now has been pretty much busy with work in my current vocation and I feel drained, anxious, overwhelmed and tired. And because of how busy I’ve been, it’s affected my social life greatly. I don’t get to see my family and friends that often and I usually find myself being more lonely than ever despite being surrounded by people on a daily basis. The nature of my job right now requires me to be extroverted and as an introvert, it’s pretty much the exact opposite of who I am. Having to keep an extroverted self to perform well on my job and keeping up with my colleagues and superiors has been nothing but physically and mentally exhausting. And sure, everyone does complain about their work at some point right? But I see myself complaining about work quite often to my family and friends when I interact with them nowadays. This has pretty much caused my social interactions to be less fulfilling and more of just daily rant sessions.

Recently in my 20s, I’ve never actually been content with how my life’s been and how I feel about myself since I tend to have a low self esteem. I used to be a high achiever in secondary school. But when I entered poly, I became the complete opposite. And now in NS, I still see myself the same way I did in poly. If anything, I have even worse impressions of myself. Whenever I make mistakes, I end up beating myself up a lot. I never actually got along with the people I’ve met in this past few years. I kept going back to my small circle of friends that I’ve known since sec school. But over time, I realised I couldn’t keep up with those friendships either. I started craving for deeper connections cause I felt the people I’m with now weren’t able to give me that. And everyone I meet now feels superficial, surface level. I even recently messed up one of my long time friendships with a close female friend of mine because of how I wanted to have a platonic relationship with her. I crossed some boundaries and it ended up with us breaking up our friendship for the time being. So far we’ve not talked in over a month but I wish I could still talk to her at times even if I know I can’t just yet.

With me trying to overcome my insecurities and trying to keep up with my busy life now, it makes me wonder whether I’m ready to face this again when I move over to Uni and eventually my actual working life. I find myself feeling down a lot of the time. Always alone even when surrounded with people. I used to like being alone (in fact sometimes I still do) but now this loneliness hurts more than before. There are times where I have done nice things alone like my hobby for photography. But even then I still find myself going back to being down since it feels familiar rather than actually being happy.

I don’t know if what I wrote makes sense here but this looked like an opportunity to share my thoughts without feeling like a burden to someone.

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Hey @imanarrator. Thanks for sharing this so openly. I’m glad that you found the courage to share what’s weighing on you lately. I can only imagine how heavy it must feel to keep going through your days in NS while carrying exhaustion, loneliness, self-doubt, and the longing for deeper connections.

I want to acknowledge how much self-awareness you’ve shown. You’re noticing your patterns like being hard on yourself when mistakes happen, craving deeper connections, or turning interactions into venting sessions. That reflection already shows you care about your relationships and your growth.

It might help to see this season not as a reflection of your worth, but as a really demanding chapter you’re navigating. NS often asks us to perform in ways that doesn’t always align with who we naturally are and that mismatch can be really annoying and draining. But, it doesn’t mean you’re failing, it just means you’re human.

It might also help to give yourself permission to start small. Even in a busy season, little practices to ground yourself can help you reconnect with yourself. Things like writing down one thing or a few things you did well each day, and celebrate them even if it’s to treat yourself with something you like. Or carving out small moments to recharge mindful photography since this is your hobby or even just taking a walk. Little things like that can build resilience bit by bit. Friendships and deeper connections take time, and the fact that you want them means you value meaningful bonds.

What you shared about sadness feeling more familiar than happiness really struck me. Sometimes our minds cling to what they know, even if it’s heavy, because it feels safer than emotions that are new or fleeting. That doesn’t mean you don’t deserve happiness ya, it just means your heart has had more practice carrying sadness. Over time, through small, repeated sparks of joy like your photography, you can make lightness feel more familiar too.

Most importantly, you’re not a burden for feeling this way. The fact that you reached out here shows your courage and hope. I’m really glad you shared this, and I’m wishing you gentleness with yourself as you move through this season, and more moments where you feel don’t have to perform, just be fully yourself :sunflower:

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Hey @imanarrator, welcome to this forum! It must have been tough having to carry all this emotional weight in you for many years. I’m glad that you’ve so bravely shared with us about finding it hard to experience true connection and happiness.

NS is tough, no doubt about that. Being forced into a military environment and having to fulfill a role that may not align with your own interests and personality can be extremely exhausting. Naturally, you won’t have energy to meet up with your friends and family, and that feeling sucks. You’ve mentioned that you find yourself often complaining about your work now, which makes you feel more empty. Perhaps you can explore other healthier methods to deal with that stress, while also interacting with your loved ones. You could consider planning activity-based meetups, where you can play a sport or game with them; doing so can help take your mind off NS while also having more meaningful and fulfilling social interactions. Separating the serving NS side of you and the other side of you can be the first step towards greater work-life balance (or rather, NS-life balance).

What you’ve shared about feeling like you’re not doing enough really hits home. As we grow older, we are handed more responsibilities and challenges. Things may start to go wrong because we don’t know what is going to happen, so we start to make mistakes. But it’s not your fault, because we can’t control everything. What we can control, though, is how we accept that fact, and how we respond to it.

It’s okay to feel like you’ve outgrown your friends, and that you need a deeper sense of connection. We change as we grow older, and it’s normal to feel that your past friendships can no longer provide that same fulfillment as they did before. You deserve to find a place where you feel heard, where you belong, and where you feel at home.

I can sense the pain, when you feel all alone in a sea of people. Having solo hobbies such as photography that you find meaningful is wonderful, and can give you the same fulfillment when you don’t have the social battery to interact with others. At the same time, taking small steps such as joining new interest groups or reconnecting with old friends can be more rewarding than you expect. Give yourself the time you need to build new friendships with the right people that maybe you haven’t met yet. Who knows, the people you are looking for could just be around the corner?

I’m glad that you’ve shared this with us. Sometimes articulating it all out can be relieving, and helpful in directing you towards the next step you should take. Jiayou! I’m rooting for you!

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Hi guys just wanted to say thanks for the replies so far! It’s quite a relief to know that there are people who understands what I’m going through at the moment.

I’ve talked to some family and friends regarding my mental state for a while now. Most of them were usually quick to give advice while very few were actually hearing me out and asking me why I’ve been feeling this way. Really appreciate the kind words :slight_smile:

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Hello @imanarrator thank you for sharing so openly, and welcome to the forum! It really sounds like you’ve been carrying a lot, not just from the demands of NS, but also the deeper weight of feeling disconnected and unsure of where you stand with yourself and others. That’s a really hard place to be in.

What you said about having to act extroverted just to get through work really stood out. That kind of emotional effort of constantly putting on a version of yourself just to cope is exhausting. And it’s no wonder you’re feeling burnt out and like your social battery is always on empty.

It also sounds like you’ve been really hard on yourself, especially with the way you look back on your past and compare who you were then with how you feel now. But people change. Life shifts. And being in a difficult patch right now doesn’t erase all the effort you’re putting in just to keep going. It also doesn’t define your worth.

The situation with your friend sounds painful, and it’s okay to miss her. It’s also okay to feel regret, that just shows how much that friendship meant to you. What matters is that you’re reflecting, learning, and trying to be better. That’s not something everyone can say.

It’s also okay that you’re unsure about what the future will bring like in uni, working life, friendships. You’re not meant to have it all figured out yet. You’re already asking the hard questions and trying to be self-aware and that alone puts you in a better place than you think.

You’re not alone in feeling this way, even if it really feels like it sometimes. You don’t have to fix everything at once. One step, one moment at a time is enough.

Thank you again for sharing, your voice matters here. Stay strong and hang in there, better days are coming!

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