Been 30years and i am still single, treating the ladies that i am interested in nicely, and did manage to went out a few dates but ended up they suddenly attached to someone else they met at work in a few weeks?? or just simply ghosted me .. am i having a big issue or what? … tired.. seeing all my close friends getting attached, married, having kids and im stuck here unable to build my own family..
hey @user3771, thank you for being so open. it rlly sounds like you’re carrying a lot of pain and frustration, and i’m so sorry you’re feeling this way 
. it’s incredibly tough when you’re trying your best, treating people with kindness, and still ending up feeling overlooked or left behind.
please know that this isn’t necessarily about you being the problem. dating is messy, and people’s choices often reflect their timing, baggage, or circumstances – NOT your worth. it’s hard not to internalise it, especially when it keeps happening, but your kindness and effort do matter.
i totally get how painful it can feel, seeing your friends move forward while you feel stuck. it’s okay to grieve that, to feel tired, even a bit lost. but being single doesn’t mean you’re broken. it just means your journey’s moving at a different pace.
you’re not alone in this, and your future isn’t fixed. things can still shift in ways you don’t expect. for now, please be gentle with yourself. you deserve love, not just from someone else, but from yourself too. 
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Hey @user3771. I really feel the weight in your words not just the frustration of being single, but the deep tiredness of trying, of hoping, and still ending up disappointed. You’ve been showing up with effort, sincerity, and good intentions that says a lot about you.
But I want to gently offer this: not finding the right connection yet doesn’t mean you’re the problem. Dating isn’t a reward system where being kind doesn’t always lead to the outcome we want. Sometimes people aren’t ready, or they’re looking for something else, or they simply don’t recognize your worth. That’s not a reflection of your value.
It’s hard watching friends build the lives you want for yourself. It’s easy to feel left behind. But timelines aren’t competitions. You’re not “behind”, you’re just on a path that’s asking for more patience. That doesn’t make it less meaningful.
You’ve been offering care, effort, sincerity. Those are signs of someone who can love deeply. If others haven’t chosen you, it may not be because you’re lacking but because they weren’t the right fit, or weren’t in a place to receive what you offered.
But maybe the question isn’t “what’s wrong with me?”, maybe it’s:
- What do I want love to feel like and how can I give some of that to myself while I wait?
- What kind of people have I been drawn to and are they really aligned with the kind of love I want to build?
- What kind of life do I want to build with or without a partner that still feels meaningful to me?
It’s valid to feel tired. But please don’t turn your longing into self-blame. The love you’re capable of offering? It’s still real. Still valuable. Still waiting for the right place to land.
You may not be where you hoped to be. But that doesn’t mean you’re lost. It means you’re in process. And that’s still sacred 
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Hello @user3771 that’s a painful and deeply human thing to feel. You’re not broken or having a big issue. You’re someone who’s been trying, putting real effort and care into connecting with others, and you’ve been hurt and disappointed more times than feels fair. That takes a toll, especially when it feels like everyone else is moving forward and you’re stuck in place, watching from the sidelines.
You’re tired because this is exhausting. The hope, the rejection, the silence, it builds up. And it hurts more when you’re doing your best to be kind, respectful, and genuine, only to be left behind or ghosted. It can make you question yourself, like, “What am I doing wrong?” even when you’ve done nothing wrong at all.
But your worth isn’t defined by how others respond to you. And not being in a relationship doesn’t mean you’ve failed.
You’re allowed to feel tired. You’re allowed to feel angry or discouraged. And still, you haven’t given up. You’re still trying, and that takes strength a lot of people don’t see.
If you want to talk more about how to deal with the tiredness or figure out where to go from here, I’m here to help. No pressure. Just know you’re not alone in feeling this way.
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hi @user3771
you sound like you’ve been quietly holding a lot for a long time. it’s not just about being single yeah… it’s the way it keeps happening. the ghosting, the sudden shift when they meet someone else. like you were just the in-between. that kind of pattern… even when we know it’s not personal, it still cuts really deep. and it makes you question if something about you just isn’t enough.
you mentioned treating them nicely. i believe that. and i think it makes the whole thing even more confusing. because you did things “right”. but kindness doesn’t always get you chosen… and that sucks. not because kindness is wrong, but because we don’t always get picked based what we think shouid matter.. and when you see others moving on…marrying, having kids,the loneliness hits different. not just lonely at night but lonely in the way your life feels paused while theirs keeps going.
i don’t think there’s something broken in you. but i do think you’ve been trying to earn love in ways that leave you tired. maybe what hurts isn’t just the rejection… but this quiet fear that you’ll always be waiting. perhaps we look at the patterns. not to blame yourself… but to make sense of the ache. and to find a way that doesn’t cost you so much each time. you’re not the only one stuck. you’re just one of the few brave enough to say it out loud. that counts for something.
you don’t need to make big moves right now. but maybe you could begin to name…when you feel safe to share… who do you think gets to define you being worthy of being picked?
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Hi @user3771, tt really sounds like you’ve been trying your best being genuine, respectful, and open but still ending up hurt and left behind. That can feel incredibly frustrating and lonely, especially when it seems like everyone around you is moving forward in love and life while you’re stuck.
You’re not alone in this, and it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. Dating can be unpredictable and unfair sometimes, and people ghosting or suddenly choosing someone else isn’t always a reflection of your worth or effort. It just hurts because you care, and you’ve been hoping for something real.
It’s okay to feel tired. You’re human. Wanting love and connection is completely natural. Maybe for now, give yourself space to rest emotionally. You’re not behind, your journey just looks different. And the right person won’t overlook your sincerity, they’ll value it deeply.
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hi @user3771
Aww thanks so much for sharing 
. That sounds really tough, to put yourself out there and to meet people but feel like you are not going anywhere with it 
. Want to just reassure you that it is completely normal to feel that you are “left behind” when all your other friends seem to be settling down already. However, I also want to reaffirm that that does not mean you are falling behind in life, or that you are inferior, or that you do not deserve a loving family and a wife and kids of your own. Everyone deserves to feel happy, so do not feel that you don’t deserve a family of your own !
Continue to be yourself, put yourself out there into the dating world and explore. One day you will come across someone who sees your worth and value 
and how cool you are! At the same time, remember to take breaks and self-care, to ensure you do not burn out and remind yourself that you are always worth the wait. Someone on the other side of the screen, the world is also waiting for you 
, the right moment and person will come .
Wishing you all the best! If you ever need more support, you can always come back to mindline and the befrienders will be here to support you in this journey😊!
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hey @user3771 being nice and sincere doesn’t make you the problem, but it also doesn’t guarantee a romantic connection. Dating is hard, many people find love later than expected. I’d say keep putting yourself out there! Try dating apps, meet new types of people, and stay open. Most importantly, don’t be affected by the progress of those around you, everyone moves at their own pace. Don’t give up OP, I’m sure you’ll find the right one someday 
Wishing u the best!
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