My sister asked me to kill myself, and I wondered if she’s right

Hangouts Trigger Warnings
1

I have a really bad relationship with my sis. I know I’ve been a shitty big sister. I’m 7 years older than her and I went through a phase in JC where I was always annoying her, picking fights with her, stealing her stuff. I’ll admit I’ve long been quite a toxic person (very troubling childhood upbringing where I was the subject of domestic violence, emotional abuse which I never reported) but it turned me into somebody with no moral compass, toxic, miserable, and generally just a terrible excuse for a human being.

I recently upset my sister with an argument where we were both triggering each other. She said I really should consider killing myself and stormed into her room.

To be honest I’ve planned on taking my life several times now, since I’m miserable and don’t have anything in life to look forward to. As mentioned about being the subject of DV, my parents also raised me with very high standards and constant comparison with other kids, making me feel like I’m worthless if I’m not successful academically or professionally. I barely have any friends and I’m alone most of the time. I’m also mostly miserable, got fired from my last job and grew up in a poor family with a poverty mindset where I’m constantly worrying about sleeping on the streets. I don’t have anyone I trust or can talk to.

My life is really fucked up and it doesn’t seem like there is any compelling reason why the world needs me or I need to be a part of this world.

2 Likes
2

Hi,
Im not the best at giving advice but from th bottom of my heart what i know is that we are all here for a purpose.

I attempted suicide a few times myself and was even warded.
Just to share a video.

A good lesson for all of us.
Have a great week and God Bless

2 Likes
3

hi @user1285

i hear what you’re going through, and i know it must be really tough, but i want to encourage you to keep going because i believe that everyone has a purpose here in life. maybe you just need a little help to find it. i know sometimes life feels meaningless, i feel that often as well, but i find that finding little things to be grateful for each day helps spur me on and make life feel less meaningless. maybe that’s something you’d like to try?

(some things to be grateful for could include: good weather, good food etc it doesn’t need to be something special just any little thing that’ll help you feel better)

i’m also not really the best at giving advice but i hope you’ll continue to give life a shot even when there seems to be no reason to. you got this 🫶🏻

1 Like
4

I had a similar relationship with my older sibling. I told him to kill himself and he actually did. I did not think my words would have such big impacts on those around me and I was just very angry at that time, i did not actually want him to kill himself but he did. Your sister probably didn’t mean it and she was probably not thinking properly. You should try to reason things out with her and encourage a better relationship. I’m sure she doesn’t want you to take your own life.

5

She refuses to even talk to me and ignores me while I try to talk with her. It’s impossible to communicate anything with her even if I try

6

Maybe she just needs some time for herself, anyway, she is your flesh and blood too, and you can’t change that. However, what you have control over is how you treat this relationship and you should treasure it, because blood ties can’t be cut.

7

(post deleted by author)

8

Hi,

First off, I think your sister was most likely saying ‘words of anger’. It is unlikely that she hates you to the point that she wants you to take your life.

Secondly, it seems to me that you are experiencing dissatisfaction as well as anger with both the state of your life, as well as yourself. I’m really sorry to hear about the domestic violence. Sometimes, some of us are lucky to be born in good, nurturing, families. Other times, some of us may get the bad end of the draw, and end up in toxic, violent families.

I want you to know that ending up in such a volatile family environment is not your fault, and it does not represent who you are, or more importantly, who will you become in the future.

While I do not have advice I can give, especially seeing that you still are not financially independent enough to live alone (cause SG housing prices are err), I would say that if your family is causing you unhappiness within your life, it is perfectly valid for you to create a distance between you and them. Do not listen to ‘toxic positivity’ that say ‘they’re your flesh and blood, you should accept them for who we are’. While we cannot choose our family, we can choose how we respond as a person to them.

Perhaps creating this space can help create more clarity within your thoughts, as I sense that there is a lot of anger towards your family, which is trickling down to form these negative self-thoughts.

With regards to you feeling ‘there is not any compelling reason to be part of this world’, what I can say personally is, even though I do not know you in real life, nor well enough since this is just a short blog post, everyone plays a role in this story we call life.

You mentioned that you do not have any friends and are alone most of the time, but you may have acquaintances that you know that might not feel the same way and may treasure you.

This next piece of advice is a personal one I hold strongly towards. Sometimes, life deals some of us bad cards, and it may be tempting to just give up. Many thoughts such as ‘why did this happen to me’, ‘i must have deserved this’, ‘there’s no use’, run rampant in our heads, especially when performing upwards comparisons, seeing others we know that are more ‘lucky’ or ‘successful’ than we are.

Rather than saying corny stuff like ‘we only have one life, we shouldn’t waste god’s blessing’, I would say to take your anger out on the world instead by being the best we can.

Since we all are going to die eventually anyways, why not delay it abit and just grit through this shitshow and take revenge on this ‘god’ that gave us these unfair cards in life.

Personally, I have been given unfavourable consequences in life as well. It isn’t as bad as domestic violence, but I chose to use this ‘lack of justice or equality’ in life as angry fuel to do better in life and prove this ‘god’ wrong.

All the best, I hope you find this reason to be a person on earth soon. All I can say is, things will eventually get better. (There has to be a limit to how low one’s life can get right? lol thats what i always tell myself)

(Btw any one here is religious, I hope not to offend you. In this case, ‘god’ is simply a figure of speech of fate and luck, and how it can drastically change one’s life to either hell or heaven).