I have a really bad relationship with my sis. I know I’ve been a shitty big sister. I’m 7 years older than her and I went through a phase in JC where I was always annoying her, picking fights with her, stealing her stuff. I’ll admit I’ve long been quite a toxic person (very troubling childhood upbringing where I was the subject of domestic violence, emotional abuse which I never reported) but it turned me into somebody with no moral compass, toxic, miserable, and generally just a terrible excuse for a human being.
I recently upset my sister with an argument where we were both triggering each other. She said I really should consider killing myself and stormed into her room.
To be honest I’ve planned on taking my life several times now, since I’m miserable and don’t have anything in life to look forward to. As mentioned about being the subject of DV, my parents also raised me with very high standards and constant comparison with other kids, making me feel like I’m worthless if I’m not successful academically or professionally. I barely have any friends and I’m alone most of the time. I’m also mostly miserable, got fired from my last job and grew up in a poor family with a poverty mindset where I’m constantly worrying about sleeping on the streets. I don’t have anyone I trust or can talk to.
My life is really fucked up and it doesn’t seem like there is any compelling reason why the world needs me or I need to be a part of this world.
i hear what you’re going through, and i know it must be really tough, but i want to encourage you to keep going because i believe that everyone has a purpose here in life. maybe you just need a little help to find it. i know sometimes life feels meaningless, i feel that often as well, but i find that finding little things to be grateful for each day helps spur me on and make life feel less meaningless. maybe that’s something you’d like to try?
(some things to be grateful for could include: good weather, good food etc it doesn’t need to be something special just any little thing that’ll help you feel better)
i’m also not really the best at giving advice but i hope you’ll continue to give life a shot even when there seems to be no reason to. you got this 🫶🏻
I had a similar relationship with my older sibling. I told him to kill himself and he actually did. I did not think my words would have such big impacts on those around me and I was just very angry at that time, i did not actually want him to kill himself but he did. Your sister probably didn’t mean it and she was probably not thinking properly. You should try to reason things out with her and encourage a better relationship. I’m sure she doesn’t want you to take your own life.
