Today at therapy in session I messed up my psychologist notes and took photo of what she wrote 
after losing control and I never got a chance to do the work and comfort my vulnerable child and I feel bad yet I cannot help but beat myself up - I am at fault yet I don’t dare to talk to my psychologist I am really scared of her yet I really cannot get out of this sadness of not being able to help my vulnerable child
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Hi @Jelfel
I’m so sorry to hear that you’re feeling this way. It sounds like today’s therapy session was challenging, and I can understand how losing control and not being able to complete the work with your vulnerable child would be distressing. It’s okay to make mistakes, and I want you to know that you’re not alone in feeling overwhelmed.
Taking a photo of the notes might not be a purposeful one, and that’s okay too. It’s completely normal to feel scared or hesitant to talk to your psychologist about it, but they are there to support you. Therapists understand that everyone has moments of vulnerability and can work with you to manage through them.
I want to encourage you that you are not at fault for struggling, and it’s okay to reach out for help. Your psychologist is there to provide a safe and supportive space for you to express your thoughts and emotions. If you feel comfortable, I would encourage you to consider sharing your concerns with your psychologist. They are trained to help you through difficult moments and can work with you to find a way forward.
Perhaps in your upcoming session, you can bring up the topic and discuss this with her directly so that she can also help you to process your thoughts together.
Remember, it’s okay to ask for support and to be gentle with yourself. You’re taking steps to care for your well-being, and that is a courageous and important journey.
Let us know how you’re doing after talking to her? We’ll be here to support you.
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Thank you
I emailed her cuz my vulnerable child feels not supported and today my angry child is also acting up I feel so alone in this journey
I hate the feeling of not ending session well and now I am going through my rough moments my next session is next Wednesday my vulnerable child feels so scared to talk to her and I am trying my best to cheer her up
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Thank you so much for letting us know , how you feel. It really takes lots of courage. Great you have mailed your therapist ,remember to express how you feel and let child too express what ever she/he feels, Therapist are well trained to manage this situation cause you are not alone in this journey , they have handled situations like this. You have 5 more days to relax and get settled down until your next session. Don’t force the child and help her to share all the agitations to her therapist.
Pls remember you are doing the best and you are not alone. Pls keep us updates .
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I don’t know how to tell my psychologist I feel so judged by her writing notes infront of me while I talk we had this talk before and it never kinda end well and sometimes i even have thoughts of tearing up her notes but I really don’t dare to say it to her I fear of getting scolded and that she will not want to see me in person anymore kinda relate to this situation but i don’t know how to explain or express i feel like no one can handle me especially when the parent mode lose control and my psychologist just don’t want to deal with it and walks out of the room
Hi @Jelfel
Your psychologist writes notes as a form of record keeping, it also helps make case management easier. However, if you’re feeling very uncomfortable is there any way you can discuss on a compromise or alternatives with your psychologist? But again generally writing notes help them remember/ track stuff better.
In what ways if you’re comfortable sharing has it not gone well?
I’m really sorry to hear how distressing it is for you. It definitely is a difficult conversation and situation to navigate but I would highly encourage you to open up to her, personally when I struggle to share and talk to my psychologist, I’ll write it down on a small paper and pass it to her during sessions…. Your psychologist may feel angry and upset but also if she has your best interest at heart, she’ll want to and try to do her best to help you decrease the intensity of your distress as well.
It definitely sounds and feels distressing especially when the person who should help can’t help. Have your psychologist ever walked out of the room and how did you cope with it?
Your psychologist writes notes as a form of record keeping, it also helps make case management easier. However, if you’re feeling very uncomfortable is there any way you can discuss on a compromise or alternatives with your psychologist? But again generally writing notes help them remember/ track stuff better
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I ever told her it’s very uncomfortable and she told me before and also I know it’s for her own record so all she suggested was she would let me see her notes that she wrote for me at the end of session for 1 month but that didn’t end well too - I couldn’t sit with the fact that she was writing as I talk and it was really hard just that cuz I wanted to move forward hence I gave in a lot of times and I just can’t take it now cuz it’s been so long and I admit now I have to face it otherwise if it happens again she won’t see me in person anymore just because of this fear is ridiculous to do what I did and stop therapy cuz it’s not going to help - just imagine keeping on repeating this but not addressing the issue hence I really needed to face it not my usual thing to do but so I took that leap and emailed her on this but at the same time I cried non stop in the MRT and I was trying to soothe myself cuz a lot of people were just looking at me 
so embarrassing
In what ways if you’re comfortable sharing has it not gone well?
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Sometimes she doesn’t want me to see it and I always question why like did she judge me and not want me to see or did she wrote something that she didn’t want me to know and her way of saying no is so firm and direct til I feel so wrong as a client to ask not saying firm and direct is wrong but saying if it’s firm and direct it can be hurtful at times and just imagine leaving session feeling session is not good and that’s been the case for me and I always need my therapist to say it’s been a good session so that I feel reassured
I’m really sorry to hear how distressing it is for you. It definitely is a difficult conversation and situation to navigate but I would highly encourage you to open up to her, personally when I struggle to share and talk to my psychologist, I’ll write it down on a small paper and pass it to her during sessions…. Your psychologist may feel angry and upset but also if she has your best interest at heart, she’ll want to and try to do her best to help you decrease the intensity of your distress as well
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I do that too - writing on small papers and pass it to her but I feel she don’t really help me decrease the intensity of my distress but more like I help myself overcome it in session on my own and I feel at times I am the therapist while I am paying money cuz I am so scared of her emotions and I feel like she won’t be able to handle me esp when I lose control cuz it’s been the case for a lot of people I meet once I start losing control they won’t be able to handle me and they will just walk out on me it feels so hurtful inside yet I understand why and I think thats why I try my best to fit in to people
It definitely sounds and feels distressing especially when the person who should help can’t help. Have your psychologist ever walked out of the room and how did you cope with it?
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Have-so far twice, once was for a short while and the door was open , the second was for quite long and the door was close and i couldn’t take it cuz it felt like how my mum would do to me as a kid when I am out of control - she will put me into the room and it will take pretty long to cool down and no one is in the room with me making me feel no one can handle me and I feel so much hurt like why am I born yet no one can handle me like literally everyone walks out on me when I lose control as if I want to lose control and no one taught me how to control so it’s really a struggle
@Jelfel
I’m actually surprised that your psychologist would suggest letting you read the case notes cause that is not standard practice plus that isn’t really a solution in my opinion.
Have you and your therapist explored why you feel this way?
Sometimes we can’t change the situation and circumstances but through skills building we can learn to be more tolerable and accepting towards our situation. It’ll definitely be very uncomfortable and it’ll take time, sometimes it’ll feel that we aren’t making any progress but continue to push through.
My heart aches for you. How do you hope people respond or help you when you lose control? Maybe this can be something you can explore about with your therapist.
I wish you well and do update us if your therapist replies your email or how your next session goes with your therapist. The community here on Let’s talk is here to support and root you on! Take care
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When she first told me that I can read too I was shock to hear that too and I knew instantly that it isn’t the solution for it but I didn’t know how to say also cuz I don’t have any suggestions for it too I wish I had but I don’t and I feel like I needed the gradual way of showing me writing notes is ok rather than always writing and making me feel like you writing and judging me
No leh she never really explore it yet with me
And yes I know I can’t change the circumstances and I need to learn skills yet when I go to therapy, I haven’t really learn any skills and when I say this to my therapist she say it takes time and I am trying to be patient with myself and to push through too but I really don’t understand how long I must wait or go through how many times then she will teach me skills - the only skills she taught me was grounding techniques… how am I supposed to use it when I lose control ? I don’t understand cuz when I lose control I literally lose control of everything and I just sit and cry and yell
I think when I lose control I just hope people can help me by being with me and treating it as a child melting down, don’t really need to say anything much cuz I really can’t control crying and yelling and I won’t be able to hear whatever people say so calm me down then say something soothing and hug me to tell me is ok
I felt like you guys hear me out a lot which I really needed it cuz a lot of times my friends though thy say they are for me to hear me out but when I needed them they normally just say they can’t help but I don’t really need help, I just want to be heard and understood hence I find it super helpful in this space esp when I’m in a rough patch like this kind of situation and sometimes is really I need advice yet they can’t give me helpful advice hence here is a great place too 
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Hey @Jelfel
Apologies about the late reply because I’ve been occupied but this is something you’d definitely liked to share with your therapist so s/he can better support you. Can let your family, friends or the people around you to know too.
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i shared with her through email but i think i will tell her in session too just that i am still scared she will judge me by writing down but that being said im trying to see it as a process rather than having it my way
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Session yesterday was ok - I was so scared that I never dare to talk so I wrote on paper and gave her and we kinda processed why I was angry and her suggestion or homework is to before I say anything to pause and think and be aware of what I want from people interaction sounds easier said then done and she say it’s the first step to controlling my anger - but I dun get it how is it first step but I said I will try
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