Dear Lulu2,
Thank you for coming on here to share what you have been experiencing. I’m sorry to hear that you feel that you’ve lost your support system which you have found in your boyfriend and that even though you guys still call each other to communicate, it is not enough. The long distance between the us and someone we rely on a lot can be really hard on our mental and emotional well-being, even more so when we have some existing anxiety. Please know that you are not alone and that there are ways to manage and overcome these feelings.
First things first, please do ensure that you are taking good care of your physical health by trying your best to eat well, maintain good sleep hygiene and incorporate lots of movement into your routine such as regular exercise or walking. If you are able to practice mindfulness such as mindfulness meditation, yoga, progressive muscle relaxation or various breathing techniques such as physiological breathing, that might also be helpful for you.
Secondly, I wonder if you have friends and family here in Singapore whom you are able to confide in? Just as you had found good support from your friends in the UK, would you perhaps you be able to access similar here at home? Sometimes when we open up to people whom we feel safe with, it makes us feel less alone and it could make the distance and seemingly long time apart from your boyfriend more manageable.
Thirdly, I wonder if you have shared how you feel with your boyfriend. Besides calling, would it be possible to brainstorm some other ways of connecting online for the next three months or so? Some possible suggestions are video chats, online multi-player games, planning what you guys can do when you meet each other again in September, if both of you are still studying, you might even do a fun online course together such as learning a new language, art, learn a new instrument or whatever might interest both of you. How about giving good old letter writing a try or keeping a journal of your thoughts and feelings which you can share with him from time to time? You may also consider planning some sweet surprises for him (one per week, per month?) and vice versa. Putting in effort to keep the communication going, reassuring each other, being vulnerable with each other and having fun together despite the distance may not only assuage your anxiety and fears, it might also spice up your relationship a little! As they say, ‘absence makes the heart fonder’! Perhaps, there is some truth in that!
Last but not least, you mentioned that you are not able to eat, do not seem to enjoy things which you used to and your mind tends to spiral when you are alone. Wonder if you could share what you have been doing to cope with these symptoms? Are there specific strategies, ideas or techniques which your university counsellor have shared with you and worked before? If so, may I encourage you to try them out while here in Singapore. Also, as an aside, I am not sure if it would be possible to reach out to your university counsellor via email or whatsapp?
If, however, the above suggestions are not helpful to you, you could consider talking to a therapist or counsellor. They can help you understand the root causes of your low mood and anxiety and work with you to develop customised strategies to manage it. Here are some community options in Singapore you can consider:
Remember, your emotions and thoughts are not you per se. They are simply parts of you that hold certain emotions and thoughts which will eventually pass if we let them like clouds in the sky. Know that you are doing your best and you certainly have the strength and resilience to overcome this challenge.
I hope the above has been helpful and if you’d like more resources or if there is anything else you’d like to share with us, please do. We’re here to listen to you, your feelings are valid and you matter! Take good care of yourself.