Whenever someone asks to hang out, or invite me to go somewhere, i dont know why but i always feel SUPER hesitant to go. I suddenly feel “lazy”, suddenly “i dont feel like going”. It’s been like this since i was 15, im 21 now.. i never really talked to anyone abt it until now. You’d say i’m just an introvert, that may be the case but i love talking to people and it energises me.
This is one of the reasons why i barely have close friends. I have alot of friends but no “best” friends. And i don’t really care abt that, i like being alone. Theres definitely something wrong with me and i dont know what it is… i have a feeling this has got to do with my past, (betrayed by my only friend). But its been years, dont know why my brain is this way. Another reason could be that, in front of my friends i act bubbly and friendly, but when i go back home im just a miserable person. Im thinking its because i dont want to put on a mask.. Mann idk why im like this!!! My cousin said it might be a sign of depression, but im not diagnosed.. idk what to do 
Dear @gaarawr
Thank you for reaching out and speaking up about what you have noticed about yourself when friends invite you out. I sincerely think there is nothing wrong with you. You are not ‘lazy’ either.
May I share that I have observed that avoidance is usually a learned safety behaviour. From what you posted, I believe the betrayal by your friend many years ago may have led to you developing an erroneous belief that getting close to others causes hurt. Slowly, you withdrew and it felt safe. This avoidance cycle was reinforced and I see you may be stuck in this safety loop.
I think many of us can also relate to ‘crashing’ after socialising. This does not mean that we do not enjoy spending time with others, but perhaps more that we need to spend time alone to recharge before continuing.
To break free from the avoidance cycle, I recommend taking small steps forward. For example, the next time a friend invites you, agree but suggest a shorter duration or a location you are already familiar with. After the outing, reflect how it went.
Allow your values to lead your actions. I believe the grip of avoidance will eventually lose its hold on you as you unlearn the safety behaviour and replace it with more values based thoughts and action.
May I also recommend you speak to a counsellor to process the fall out with the friend who betrayed you. The counsellor will be able to provide a safe space for you to unpack beliefs, emotions and thoughts about the betrayal. It is possible that the abandonment faced in the past is still affecting you in the present.
Remember that you fully deserve to life well and achieve your aspirations in all aspects of your life.
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