I’ve been feeling lonely my whole life. I have a sister that I’m close to, a few friends i talk to during school, but it feels like it’s never enough. It feels like nothing would ever be enough for me.
Every day I long for something more, but I avoid hanging out with my friends and reject invitations to go out with them. It’s kinda like, I crave intimacy, but I’m also terrified of it. I don’t know. Maybe I’m just being dramatic.
Nope theres nothing to worry, it’s completely cool that youre by yourself and while you may seek close companionship with your Sis, though you also experience many things which made you aware how your experience may vary and differ from the common experience of others,
Just wondering whether you have ever opened up to your Sis about yourself and how you feel a sense of solitary living, if you ever see to care to share with your Sis, why not, since indeed sisterhood brings with its own sense of solidarity with someone youre sharing close companionship with, and your Sis happens to be someone you share close companionship and why not ever to see your solitary way of life from another one way, maybe your Sis views your life in a wholly different way from which you see it, your Sis may even disclose whether Sis herself enjoys living the way Sis does, or you could voice and bounce to and fro ideas with your Sis, maybe your Sis is open to inviting you to some gatherings with your Sis friends and you can from there expand your social circle,
Your Sis and you must be akin to peas in a pod, I sure believe your Sis herself understands yourself better than anyone of us here, kindly @dusty advise checking in with Sis, even way after you’ve tuned into Sis and attained baseline on how Sis feels about your solitary way of life, to gradually, routinely and habitually checking in with Sis and updating Sis with your life updates, I’m sure your Sis is grateful, thankful and happy seeing youre opening yourself up, as well as how youre absorbing, gaining, learning and leveraging what youre learning from other experiences with others, other skills and other ideas, and giving yourself another one chance to living life in your own way, space and time,
Kindly update on your progress, growth and lessons youre learning, and importantly, all and one and I myself is believing of yourself and who you are and keep going, youre already halfway on your self discovery, self reckoning and recovery journey since you’ve identified with solitary way of life, and theres absolutely nothing to worry, it’s more than common to find all and one individually going about their day as well as at their own way, space and time, once again, keep us on your current update
Hello! Thank you for typing down your emotions here! 
I hear that you’ve been feeling very lonely and I just want to assure you that you’re not dramatic for having such emotions! Sometimes, even though we may have people around us, we may still feel socially or emotionally alone and even isolated.
Though I don’t know you in your every day life, I can empathise with how you may not be able to find a connection enough for you, especially since I noticed you said that you’re terrified of getting to know people more.
I’m just wondering, have you explored the reasons behind those fears? Is it because you’re scared they’ll disappoint you if the connection turns out not “enough” again? Or are you just scared of knowing people more “intimately”? Or are you scared of people knowing you more? There’s so many reasons why we pull back from others and every reason is valid because we’re human and sometimes, forming connections is more complicated than “will you be my friend?” (No one talks about the logs of friendships… 
)
But is good to understand what has caused you to avoid hanging out with friends and forming those deeper connections! And I notice you said that you crave intimacy but you find yourself also avoiding hang outs. I think is good you’re putting in thoughts about this and actively noticing your wants and actions!
Also, I think it is nice to hear that you have a sister you’re close to and some friends in school. Just a question, do they know this is how you’re feeling? Do you think this is something you can work out better if you explored why you’re feeling lonely with them? (Definitely no pressure! Is just a suggestion because sometimes, talking things out with other people who know us better can bring so much value!) Anyways, I wish you all the best with finding something more and hoping it’ll all work out real soon <3
Hey @dusty,
It doesn’t sound like you don’t want people. It sounds like you do, but the connection you’re hoping for isn’t happening in a way that feels right or steady
You mentioned having a sister and friends, but still feeling this way. That usually points to something deeper than just “being alone”. Sometimes it’s not clear what actually makes a connection feel real or enough, so even when people are around, it still feels lacking
When that keeps happening, it can make sense that a part of you starts pulling back. Not because you don’t care, but because it’s tiring to keep hoping and not feeling it land.
You also said you might be “dramatic”. It doesn’t come across that way. It looks more like you’re noticing a gap, wanting closeness, but not knowing what makes it feel safe or meaningful
When you think about getting closer to someone, what feels harder, trusting them to understand you, or not knowing what you’re supposed to be in that connection?
Maybe for now, just notice what happens inside you right before you say no to people. That part might be telling you something important about what you need from connection